Alright, here it goes: I'm 19-year-old girl who's never been kissed. I'm in college right now. I just turned 19 today and it's got me thinking... is this weird? Being a nerd, I wasn't exactly popular back in high school either. But now, in college, it's just that I've heard friends who talk about partying and clubbing. I'm not into that stuff, but I guess I'm just frustrated that all my friends have had relationships and gone out on dates and I...well, I haven't.
Is this odd? I don't really know who else to ask (kind of too embarrassed to ask my friends about this because they all say to just find someone and get it over with with anyone). I don't think that's what I really want...so advice?
I do believe there are people who "are stupid enough" to think that.
Oh, I do too, but you forget my qualifier... on this forum. I've found that most of the posters on here are quite intelligent.
If you think I'm a troll, you sure act like someone who doesn't encounter them often.
Is my error in that I responded at all, when everyone knows that ignoring trolls makes them go away? Guilty as charged. I thought the things you said were crummy, and that you totally misjudged what this girl's goal is both in pondering the question and in posting it on this forum. How terrible for someone to want to know they're not alone in the world.
I responded not for your entertainment, but to defend her. What if your response were the only one posted and nobody took her side? She would walk away with the impression that everyone agreed with you. I'd say the more people that jump in to defend her, the better.
the messages with the thorns with good intentions have a more lasting effect than the ones with no shape or form at all.
And you base this theory on what, exactly? Some anecdote about how Michael Jordan's high school basketball coach told him he'd never be any good? So Jordan worked extra hard to prove him wrong, and look at him now?
And how many other kids believed that coach when he told them they sucked? How many of them COULD have been awesome, except they took that message to heart and gave it up, because he was the coach, so he must know what he was talking about?
You don't NEED someone to treat you like crap and have a drive to prove them wrong to be successful. Such people do far more harm then good in this world, and ultimately they're remembered as "the moron who didn't recognize Michael Jordan's talent." That's the legacy you'll leave going this route.
Thorny enough for ya?
Pep talks only work on people who have reason to believe in themselves. I don't have the information to know that, and since other people have already tried a version of it, at worst, my statement will be negated if that is true. At best, my statement will become a spur that irritates the mind until the idea it is attached to is resolved.
"I respond not for your entertainment, but to defend her"
Does this mean that you are assigning more role into the caregiver than you would have had I not posted anything at all? Does that mean that you are showing more value towards her because of me?
Secondly, does that mean you are defending her because, in purpose, of a different proponent of selfishness?
I wrote my last response to you knowing it would get you to type probably longer than what I wrote. I was thinking: ooh, they'll either get pissed off and skim over it and try to dissect it piece-by-piece, or they will not really read it well at all and just argue for the feeling of being insulted.
Well, looks like one of those two happened. Did I think, in my humanistic heart of hearts, that you would just take the refined gems of an argument and leave it at that, like the wise old man who patiently endured strife and is beyond aggravating? No, instead you proved my point.
Why use a pep-talk when cynicism is the safe bet in the majority of situations? You are cynical towards me, and you'd be right. I'm cynical towards you, and I'd be right. My post is cynical towards the original poster, and now that's wrong?
Cynicism is developed because humanity has deemed itself unworthy of trust. It is a matter of manipulation sometimes if you truly want to help people. Sometimes, you do what people think is wrong to do what you think is right. Or will you say that you have never done something bad with good intentions?
it may, but at least as likely, especially when granted through attacks and assumptions about one's appearance/hygene and motives, it's just greater misery.
i can appreciate what you at least claim you're trying to do, but, as our fellow Nerdfighters have pointed out, it doesn't come across as constructive. not to mention, to be construcive, she, like you, has to be the type to take major action because she's gotten mad enough as opposed to those who at least on the surface, move on from the negativity, and those who dwell on it and become increasingly miserable.
Increasingly miserable is an outcome to motivate change. Whether that be reversing from hitting bottom or suicide, I don't know. The matter is, if she's the type to take it worse and cling to her in a bad way and do nothing about it, did she have any hope to begin with?
well C, you'd pointed out earlier the strangeness in how the conversation has veered away, to the point we're talking about Jenny as if this weren't her thread. i hesitate to speak for her, aside from saying of course there's hope. now.
still we don't really know her. again, what, aside from personal experience are you taking as evidence that your idea of 'tough love' will make any sweeping change for her?
What evidence do you have that compliments won't create a negative impact and create a shell of a undeserving mentality that blocks her off from growth?
You aren't being chastised for not coddling someone. You are being chastised for your ineptitude. You are not the critical, straight talking, telling-it-like-it-is intellectual that you think you are. You aren't offering any insight or useful perspective, just nastiness defended by some sad delusion that you are "helpful" in some magical way.
You were being a dick. No way around it.
No way around the dick? Sounds like an excuse!
Yes, CLEARLY there is something wrong with you. Why don't you start accumulating your cats now?
Really though, screw all that, screw the peer pressure; a first kiss is a very special thing, so don't waste it on someone of lesser quality. When it is time for it to happen, it will.
Nothing is wrong, except that you care too much about this. Don't be too eager. I was in the same boat as you, so I do understand your feelings. Naturally, I got so excited when a guy actually showed interest I didn't realize he was just trying to get into my pants and when it didn't work things kind of got ugly. So, make sure you wait for a guy who cares about you or you'll forever regret giving your first kiss to a douchecanoe who didn't even care about you. (Sorry, did that sound bitter?)
But eventually you will find the right person and you will appreciate them all the more when you do. Until then, enjoy being single. Spend an entire Friday night doing something you love with the people you love. Dress up for the helluvit and make all the guys wish they could kiss you. Enjoy live, and maybe some lucky person will see how much you enjoy your life and want to be a part of it. <3
Here's what I would say. I'm the same age as you and I've dealt with some similar things myself. I don't know the exact details of your situation, only you know those. You should never do something with somebody if you don't want to. You said that your friends "all say to just find someone and get it over with with anyone" but if that's not what you want, don't do it. I understand the frustration but it's better in the long run if you wait until it's right rather than forcing something when you aren't ready. Try not to worry about it and just enjoy your time in college. Best of luck to you