Nerdfighters

V 26

The best book ever or 1771

Copyright 2012

Written by Ben “the thunder otter” Isaac

 

 

Chapter one it started out like any other day

 

It was a spring day in the year of our lord 1771.

I walked to class with books in my hands as I rushed into the school building.

O, sorry reader of this book I forgot to introduce my self and all that!

My name is David tenant Green, and I am 15 years old.  What else should I say, um I love wearing my gray wig, I always wear my red overcoat, under that I wear the my blue vest underneath to make my blue eyes glow and my long red trousers what else?

 

My mother was a stern woman, who never seemed to cry and my father always let my brothers on adventures, lets see…

 

O yea my brothers Hank and John, John who is 25 a skinny man, short light brown hair and oval glasses, with great knowledge all from books; for he was a writer by trade. He just went to the East Indies with his wife for fame and fortune. I never got to see much of him! My other brother Hank who are 22,skinny as well but a good guitar player but a horrible singer; He and his wife moved over to live with the savages in the middle of America. (But keep in mind reader that’s just my background not the main story mind you)

 

Now back to the story

Our head master had decided, that we would learn some French that day. And we would learn better without memorizing letters of the alphabet. Because most of the class couldn’t memorize anyway; instead he had us pick parts in a play and had to memorize each of the lines; and that way we would understand French. After a few months we had Shakespeare’s Macbeth mastered.

One day a new student appeared as an exchanged student from colonies, who provided us with a new play. It was about how the 13 colonies wanted to be free of the church, but at the same time had become strict in there own policies. The new student (who’s name will to be told later in this chapter), smiled but we did not understand why. Until later that week he proclaimed that he had just visited a colony called Province New York (before he came back to the colony of new jersey which he would not tell us because I found out later new jersey it is a boring place and too many farms!) and had met someone who told him about things to come, the man he met wore strange cloth and never wore a wig (and wasn’t French!). For this man had written the script we were studying. (Since when did Americans know French I don’t know!)? This young man was full of ideas of a strange sort.

So I decided, during summer holiday I would find this young man, and before I left for summer holiday I asked the new student whose name was Jonathan Clive. Clive told me he went by the strange name of Ray Isakson.  Then I ask the address of this Ray Isakson.

Clive gave the address of rays to be 42 common in the mid-square, where he was working for a printing press.

Fast forward to the beginning of summer (yes you the reader are a time traveler now!)

 

By the start of the summer I had explained to father and mother that I wanted to see, the colonies of the Americas. And after a long talk about it, we decided I would go to see, how the common folk were doing in the colonies. Since only France was at war with everyone and the riots had stopped after I was born.

 

Chapter Two In the beginning there was nothing 

 

At first, I didn't know where to start, there was crying from my mother, who never seemed to cry, perhaps when someone would go on a trip or when someone died and this was one of those times. After my mother’s tears started to dry, she grabbed my suitcase, which seemed to be twice my size filled what ever she thought I needed. I looked up at the suitcase and looked up and frankly replied “mother you expect me to get this thing to the shipyard in time?” she smiled and started to wrap a Corse twine around the suitcase to a metal thing with wheels on the bottom as my father was watching this spectacle and reading the local gazettes at the same time. He looks to my mother and gives a long sigh “ You know Britannia, this isn’t the boy’s first outing and besides, you weren’t like this when Hank or John when out to seek there fortunes.” She turns to my father in a pit of rage, “ Yes, I know but this is our baby our little Davey, the last of our boys!”  As she turns to me and starts to sob “Please Davey come back to us after you set sail to the Americas and for gods sake please write!”  I nod and give her a hug and replied, “ I will write to you as much as the king loves his country.” As a single tear dropped from my eyes and trickled down my face as I looked into my mother’s eyes. Soon after my father and I pushed the cart down the block down to the docks we shook each other’s hands and a brief hug as I push the cart up were my vessel waited for me. It was a rough old ship (for the wood was bucking and seemed to have mold on both sides of the ship). As I escorted to my room there was a red sign in French and German roughly said welcome to the Minerva sailing to the Americas as quick as god let’s us.

 

Chapter 3 Whales+ ships+ ocean= sea sick

 

 

As I pushed my cargo into my room which seemed a bit more like what used to be a place to keep prisoners since a few bars were peeking out of the floor boards, as if to remind me that it might have been meant for thieves and robbers.

 

After I put my suitcase underneath my bed I made my way to the front of the ship where a ton of strange looking people were waving to their friends and family.

One of them was a man wearing a long brown trench coat, with spiky hair and smiling to about 4 to 10 women who were fainting at the sight of him, he might have been a famous actor (for they were screaming John, smith over and over again) of some standing I thought as I passed to look around. There was two men one who wore a strange hat that had a lid on either side and wore a frock coat, next to him was a doctor and the man with the frock coat, kept saying “ Watson, I am trying to think” while the other man aka Watson said “ Sherlock what about that man we saw last night?” I thought there conversation was getting a bit dull but I might try to find him again on this trip. Then on the other side of the boat there was a group of young kids who were wearing school uniforms and they were all gathered around this young youth who was wearing a yellow and red scarf was telling his people “ my friends we will have another great year at…” the young boy started to notice me and then whispered “ Hogwarts” to one of his friends in the ear and could just barley make it out but I didn’t really care because then I saw my mother and father out of the back of my eye and starting to make for the front of the ship and waving to them “ good by mother, father hope to see you soon” I yelled as the ship set sail leaving them behind.

 

Chapter 4 the Actor, the Wizard, the Detective and I 

 

As the boat started setting sail (as the sails started to open I could see bullet holes and a few spiders jumping out.) the actor John Smith looked out into the water as the land became farther and farther away. And then looked into my eyes and walked towards me. (Since I haven’t seen any of his plays I felt a bit ood as stood right next to me)  he said in a tone as if he were going to deliver dialogue “ well, young one, the group (he meant actors group) and I are going to do a performance on this voyage of ours and I was wondering if you are going to accompany me to watch my ability as an actor”(since I felt like I had to) I nodded my head and followed him to what looked like a lunch room (which to be honest smelled a bit like my Aunt Gertrude) I waited what seemed like hours to get Sherlock, the red and yellow group who still were talking about there Hogwarts school what ever that was about, and another man who I hadn’t seen before calling himself John Simms, a skinny, think man with yellow wig and had a piece of parchment held tightly in his hand.  And said with a voice that seemed to echo past the room “ hello massagers… I mean guests and staff we are the Professor Who Experience” then a fiddler started playing some strange music that kept playing the same strings over and over again and then changed to a different set of notes. And then the song stopped; the school children which seemed about 13-15 year olds I guessed started to clap and started to chant “On with the show, on with the show” (I didn’t really know what show they were referring to so I said nothing in defiance)

 

Chapter 5 the Professor Who experience part 1 season 1 episode 1

 

Soon the chanting became unbearable then John Simms says “ quite everyone the show is going to start in 5 mins!” the group replied “AWWWW” then a young girl from one of the group pushes a red headed boy and loudly says "Just because it took YOU four years to notice I'm a girl doesn't mean no one else has noticed!” the red headed boy replied “well sorry for trying to be nice” as the rest of the group giggled in glee about the start of the experience show. The black curtains began to open and standing in the middle of the stage stood John smith wearing what seemed to look like futuristic spacesuit all in different shades of orange and red and no space helmet as he started to speak “ in the year 2012 a young man called the professor who” all the kids were cheering one of the boys with the glasses yelled “alloy-z” as john smith said “ k-hem I was on a solo mission to save the space ship S.S Harkness from falling into a blackness of space, scene starts now” everyone seemed to clap as the curtains  closed there was few noises of the ship and the crew on the stage getting ready for the next scene.

 

Chapter 6 yes I know it hasn’t started yet (yes you reader you!)

 

The curtains suddenly opened to inside the spaceship. Which was colored from top to bottom with a chrome color. As a man and a woman wearing gray space suits looked into the window. “ Janet we don’t have much time” the man said as he looked into her eyes overdramatically Janet looked away as she said “O brad, if only we didn’t fight the space ninja’s if only…” then a loud sound as if a sheet was being ripped and then in a flash a puff a smoke rose from where the sound was coming from. And when the smoke cleared there was a brown crate, and two figures were appeared from it. The first person that appeared was the actor John Smith, just from seeing him the crowd went wild and some of the school children whooped and hollered. However there was another person a young woman in her mid 20’s wearing an oversized Black jacket and may different color buttons that no one seemed to respond to. She got a few cheers from the guys but not as much as John Smith would have gotten.  John Smith looks to the crowd and ask them “are you looking for a professor?” the crowd responded  “ No we were looking for a doctor but thanks anyway!” (Which I thought was the strangest response from a crowd ever but I watched the play continue.)

 

Chapter 7 The Trickster vs. Professor Who (who will survive?)

(Imagine mobile suit Gundam theme music as an intro yes I can’t play audio in a book, that would be just silly!) (If you don’t know what I am talking about, you have the Internet look it up!)

 

Brad looks over to john’s smiths character the professor and exclaims “ Who are you people don’t you see we are going into a black hole of space?”   The professor smiles with only the side of his mouth, and responds “ I am the Professor of Time and Space and this is my companion Ace we just arrived here” Ace turns to the professor “ Hey professor didn’t you hear them we are getting sucked into a black hole, what ever that is?” the professor turns to the audience “ If my name isn’t.” The audience replies in a chant “ The Professor” “ then I can save you all!” the professor said as he gleamed with delight!  “ All we have to do is use my Cordis to get this spaceship out of the black hole!” the professor said

As the professor was talking all the girls in the young group were smiling as if they were imagining them being saved by this very strange looking man. Then the professor said, “ the first thing I need is…” then a dark voice is heard in the back of the stage “Dear professor did you really think you could save the day this time?”  The red headed boy cried out o, no it’s the professor’s arch nemesis The Trickster!” as if the boy was right the trickster nodded “ Yes Professor it is me the Trickster here to make sure you and everyone that you love in side this black hole!” the professor responded as he held his ground with his chin up and replied “ Trickster we meet again, a long did we last me? Was it was over the cliffs of Magrothea? I thought you died that day?”  The Trickster replied with a dark laugh and replied “ No dear professor you thought you had me in those cliffs but I am reborn again to kill you this time once and for all” by this time in the play I was very confused what was going on, why were these characters fighting I had no real idea at all but I continued to listen and start understand why john smith was such a good actor.

 

 

Chapter 8 why did it happen?

(Dear reader what your about to read next, is a bit random, shocking but keep in mind, to keep everyone happy, no one dies well not really you will see!) By the way reader, I have gotten a bit of responses from this and knowing that I cant really publish this book makes me continue, so on with the show!)

I looked into john smiths face as his eye dilated and smiled with a grin that made all the of fans squiee (yes squiee is a real word I checked) with awe and fascination. Then with a loud banging sound, which seemed to come from the back of the room. The sound echoed as it ricocheted though the black curtains, past the wall, through someone’s undergarments, ricocheted again off the tea ups (made for after the show) nearly missed me and right into the chest of john smith who scream in pain “ I don’t want to go!!!!!”  And then the fan girls screamed. (Always a bad sign) As Sherlock Holmes and Watson holding down a man who I had never seen before dropping his revolver. The man screamed, “ You professor!  You have killed my dreams of being a conqueror of worlds! You must be stopped!” as the man starts to cry as Sherlock and Watson handcuff him. Watson runs over to john’s body as the group of children starts to cry. John looks to them and says “ Your going to be just fantastic!”  As Watson checks his heart beat and looks very strange and looks over to Sherlock who runs over to Watson “ What it is Watson, what’s wrong is john going to be ok?”  Watson replies, “ It seems Holmes that he has two heart beats.”  As soon as Watson’s words leave his lips, the whole room is filled with a reddish glow that stems from the john’s face and hands. “Well” john says, “ Here we go again” as he says his final goodbyes. An enormous light pushes into his body and bursts of energy in different shades of colors are pushed out of him.

As the crowd and the Actors stare in awe of this strange happening. John’s hair and face were changing, as he nose was changing lengths so too was his hair changing from long to short to pushed up (kind of like an afro.) so too was his length of his arms and legs and started to grow and shrink in different parts of his body. Streams of red and blue light pushed and pulled there way across is body. After a few hours or so, looking extremely different for his costume didn’t seemed to fit him. As well the new John stood up with his over sized clothes and replied “ ok this cool I can deal, hello?” as soon as he said this all of the fan girls that had been so loyal had suddenly didn’t cheer and started sobbing “ We want the old john back now!” they said in unison, john smiled with a new type of smile “ Sorry girls as we say in world of the show, it must go on, or something like that?”

 

Chapter 9 after the regeneration

The new John Smith tries to continue as a group of fans suddenly started to boo and leave the show as the black curtains closed. Then I looked around and then the new john grabs my hand and says, “ We need to talk now!!” as he pushes me to the back of the stage “ David you watch before my change what can we do? I don’t want them wanting their money back?” I look into now his brown eyes that used to be blue and replied, “ Honestly maybe you could continue your story but just do it your own way I guess?” As I shrugged by shoulders the new John smiles with a new type of charisma and replies “ cool I can do that” as he tell John Simms to start the show right back up as the girls start grumbling about the change of john smith.

As the curtains opens and Ace starts with out missing a beat and says “ Professor you have changed what happened?” the professor smiles and winks at me “ Don’t worry we can still fight the Trickster because I am the second professor!”

Chapter 10  

The awe the mystery, and what ever happened to the main plot? (I don’t know!)

The trickster is speechless as brad feeling like he had been totally left out of the story stops the silence by saying “ Professor we still have to stop this ship from hitting the black hole?” Ace thinking out loud says “ Hey Trickster wont you be killed as well if we all go into the black hole?” the Professor nods “ you know she has a point” the trickster laughs as he disappears into the darkness.  The professor gave a sigh “ I thought he was going to help us “ ace replies “ I think you’re a bit too optimistic about him doctor” Brad yelled “what about the black hole?”  The professor does a face palm “ O yea saving the you guys sure all I got to do is….” The professor jumps in side his create and the create and him disappears ad the hole is starting to get closer Ace cries out “ professor don’t just leave us!”  The professor appears on the spaceship screen “ Hello trying to save you guy as order, would you like tomatoes and chips with your order?”  ACE looks up at the screen “ Professor did you get the ship?” the professor nods and replies “ its all looking groovy all up here” as the professor flips a few switches and the spaceship is pulled away from the black hole and the audience starts standing up and clapping. As brad, Janet, ace and the professor, and the trickster all come out for a bow, or two or three or four bows. About 42 bows later I walk over to the dressing room to see if the professor I mean john smith act was fake or not.

 

Chapter 11 is john smith > human?

As I walked toward the back room where the New John smith was sitting I wondered to my self what happened to the old john? Was it a cheap trick or something more? I had to find out. (Keep in mind readers if you want to see a certain reference in this book let me know!)  Slowly as my feet hit the ship’s hard floor, as I heard the ocean to my left, I knew something here was going to change my life forever. What seemed like forever; as I curiously made my way to his dressing room? The new John looked acted as if nothing ever happened on stage. However, he was doing something very odd. For he was checking his nose, ears. The new john smiled when I entered and gave a big hug “Hi David HI, welcome to my little abode, I don’t really like it, Oooood, so what’s up?” I look into john smiths new brown eyes and then I ask it the question of all questions “ um, can I ask you a question?” (No that wasn’t the question come on give me a break reader honestly) John played with his hair for a bit and replied, “ Sure, fire way, well if you have a gun don’t shoot it but still you know” I nodded and I asked “ Um. John” john replied “ spit it out man!” then I got angry “ look how did you do that trick, there is no way in god’s earth that you still the same man who I met yesterday its impossible!”  John smith looks back and me and replies “ Is that what you want to hear?” and I didn’t know what to say next so I said “ what?”

He replied, “ Is what I did impossible?  Like a man changing his features in the blink of an eye?” then I smiled “ so it was make up then a wig?”  John smith shook his head “ this is my real face now, no make up, no deception.” I was shocked and I nearly fainted as I sat down in a green spotted couch next to his over sized chair. John smith continued, “ I am form a race called the word lords, we travel though space and time, for real, not on stage.”  “ But the sad thing is, I was relaxing one day about 1750ish and I lost my machine and I have stuck for 20 years!” john exclaimed. I looked at him and tried to make sense of it “ let me get this straight I said “ you’re a time traveler and you change your body when you get shot?” john nodded “ yes and one more thing, the name I go by is the professor not john I just use that name to get jobs to be honest”

I looked up to the white lights as I fell out of my seat into the darkness of unconsciousness.

 

Chapter 12 the blackness inside of your heart  

As I opened my eyes it was black as night as I found my self back in my cabin room. (To be honest it was about 1:19 am I know this because he has a clock in his room just thought you were wondering)  I still had the pounding of my head as if someone had bashed an anchor against it. And then again was darkness. I woke up again and it was daylight and professor smith aka john smith was sitting next to me on an old wooden rocking chair. He asked, “ Are you all right David? You seemed a bit shocked last time we spoke as he handed me a bone cup filled with a strange liquid and handed it to me. “ Fine I guess” I replied, “ Btw what kind of drink is this?” “ Lime Juice” Professor Smith said, “ it helps with fait spells and scurvy” I nodded as I sipped on the juice. It was a bit sour but a tad of sugar was added to make it a bit more palatable. Then I told professor smith to leave me for a moment, as I got dressed for the day. After I had gotten dressed and had some more of the lime drink and headed for the front of the ship where two men where waiting for us Mr. Sherlock Holmes and Watson (the real ones not actors). Sherlock asked me a few questions about what I saw during the shooting. I was honest and replied what I saw about the shooter angle and what happened from my eyes (which you just read about you silly people). As Sherlock replied “we know what happened what Watson and I are trying to figure out what was his motivation?” As professor smith was going to respond (the aliens attacked wait no sorry wrong story… o yea hold on) a loud yell echoes from the other side of the ship as the captain men started chanting (since no megaphones were made yet) “The ship is about to hit an iceberg” John smith replied “ but we aren’t near the arctic!” as soon as john said this a large block of ice was about 500 feet away from them and closing. “ If we don’t do something soon we will be the next titanic!”  Professor smith said as he pulled out a metal object from his pocket  “what in gods name is the Titanic” I yelled as the professor ran for the ships helm.  As I ran after him I could hear a very strange sound as I could hear professor say, “ come on sexy you can do it!”  The ice block was now about 42 feet near the ship. And then a miracle as soon as the ship was just about to hit the iceberg, it happened……….

 

Chapter 13 C.O.R.T.I.S and Starship Heart of Gold

(Its chapter 13 everyone hold on to your socks its going to be bumpy ride) (Cue the intro, get the light ready!)

 

(Intro theme mobile suit Gundam mixed in a bit of the Journey Of The Sorcerer by the Eagles!)

 

 

Narrator: The best book ever by Ben “the thunder otter” Isaac, secondary phase

 

 

Narrator: and was promoted by Mega Dodo publications not a real publications just the same one who tried making another famous book the bum’s guide to the galaxy or 180 things to do in Zero G.

 

Author: hey you, you’re not in this book get out now! We have to get back to what happened on the boat you 3rd person Narrator!

 

Narrator: can I just hang here and tell what happened to young David Tennant Green?

 

Author: let me think about it for a second

 

Narrator: and????

 

Author: well, I shouldn’t but… ok why not

 

Narrator: back on the ship not a space ship mind you a very young David Green is going to get the shock of his life however, he is slowly becoming aware that he isn’t the main character and he finds out about it lets watch.

 

 

As I looked towards the front of the boat I could see inches from the boat, ice about to smash into the ship. However the professor whom from a weird series of strange events which you have read last chapter (yes I have been reading this and I want to be the main character so I am going to try my hardest to do something!)

 

I raced to the ship’s helm and went up a few rungs of stairs. As I heard The  professor pushed a few buttons  down and then the ship started to vibrate on a certain tone (that quite reminded me of c sharp). As I heard form the professor “ all right now Geronimo!” as he pushed down a few leavers.  As I ran into the helm I could see a crazed expression on his face as sweat dripped from his forehead down his shirt. Then to my horror and amazement, the ship stopped, inches from the ice. “ That was close,” I said as I sat down. The professor looked up at me and replied, “ Want to see something really cool?”  He went down stairs to the stage room where his old Crate was waiting for him. I tried following him downstairs but then I hear a strange noise coming from down stairs as looked out the window, I started to see the whole ship start to wobble and shake as I held on to the banister of the stairs. Out of the window I saw a tie-dyed colors of blue and green.  I knocked on the old Crate and the professor now wearing a fez pokes his head out the crate “ yessss?”

I gave a puzzled look “ um, where are we?” in which the professor replied “ space, I like space, space is cool” as he gave a big smile form ear to ear. 

 

Chapter 14 when the men should of taken me away

 

Narrator: much is known about space travel, but it isn’t know at all during the period of 1771, where David Tennant green is from, however if he was from 1971 he would have seen it from a different point a view lets watch

Author: um Narrator, I hate to break it to you but I have to tell you something.

Narrator: yes?

Author: this isn’t a TV show, you can’t just tell the reader to watch that just seems a bit silly!

Narrator: right, fine then, lets take read on what’s going on then.

 

As soon as I was beginning to wonder what happened to the plot of the story and other people I had met on the ship, Sherlock Holmes and the group of children, walked very carefully towards the stage, as Sherlock asked a clam and simple question, “ Are we outside the atmosphere?” I looked back at him and nodded. Sherlock cocked his head to the left and wondered aloud “ so then how are we still breathing?” I didn’t know what to say as the professor quickly says “ don’t worry we aren’t in any danger… yet!”  As soon as the professors says this the ship starts to shake as a big yellow banana the size of the ship appears on the side of the ship, right next to it are one sperm whale and one bowl ofpetunias.

Narrator: find out what happens next week or next chapter of 1771 or the best book ever

 

(Ending theme is the song bowl ofpetunias by Ben Isaac)

 

(1234

Blow

Explode

Freak

I don’t want to be a

Bowl ofpetunia!

 

I don’t want to be

Bowl ofpetunia's!

 

I don’t want to go into to a

Bowl ofpetunia's

Bowl ofpetunia's

 

You been to every place

 

I don’t want to go into a

 

Bowl ofpetunia's

 

Bowl ofpetunia's

 

Yea!!!!

 

Chapter 15 my Life vs. the universe and everything

 

Life is like all things very dull, strange or very exciting or just plan random, what we find here in the life of, David tenant green is randomness because at only 18 years old has been traveling on a boat, with what he thought to be actors on a strange old ship that had a play about science fiction and now, David’s whole life had been flipped upside down by the professor john smith who now has Sherlock Holmes, a group a children that kind of remind the reader of harry potter and a strange man who shot the professor as we intro realize that this is been very hard for David to cope with. For instance David saying this quote that will come back to the earth in the form of a TV show called doctor who in the year 2011

 

David Green: “space we are in space?”

 

The professor “ space is cool”

 

Now without context this whole conversation doesn’t make any bit of sense but the author that’s me, is having a hard time coming to grips with the whole plot of the story (since there really wasn’t any from the beginning)

 

So I might ask since there are two ways to think what happens after the point of space, and time travel is all real David reacts in two ways. First he tries pinching himself to wakeup  “ ooooooooo” next he tries rocking back and forth and repeating “ this isn’t happening” or “ this isn’t real” which doesn’t really help the fact he is in space. The only thing any English person to do at this point is to get a hot cup of tea. Now since he is on a old ship meant for water he asks the professor for the most important question “do you have any tea?” the professor replies with first shock then amazement and then a replies “ yea its in my crate hold on and brings him inside.

 

Chapter 16 what happened to the whale and the yellow ship outside?

 

Now if you don’t remember because I kind of forgot, there is out side the ship a yellow ripe banana that as just turned into a space ship. Right next to it is a large sperm whale with a bowl ofpetunias.  Mean while young David tenant green walks into what he thinks is a small wooden crate. However what he does find is a large room with long bookshelves made out of other books and a central Greek Colum with red liquid pushing up and down in the middle where a large layer of glass supports it. Around the column is a console full of strange gadgets. The professor looks up, down, left, right and smiles. “ This is my Cordis” he replies. As David not really caring replies “ well, that all fine and dandy but can we have some tea before I freak out some more?” as soon as David’s words leave his mouth, a small TV pops out from the side of the console and starts turn it self on. A strange man with two heads peers out from the screen “ this is like the starship heart of gold, please take it easy” another man behind him says “ Zaphoid cant you ask them if it’s the earth down there?” Zaphoid turns around and yells at the man behind him “ look monkey man, I am trying to have a nice conversation here, just bud off you dig?”

Then the professor presses a red button and repiles “ Its been a while Zaphod Beeblebrox”

 

Will our Hero’s get to drink their tea, with David tenant green finds out why he is in space, or find out whom the mysterious Zaphod Beeblebrox is?

 

Find out in the next installment of 1771 or the best book ever

 

(New outro)

(Song title)

Professor whom

 

If you want to fight who do you need?

 

Professor whom

 

Who has a silver crate?

 

Professor whom

 

Professor whom

 

Who do you call when you’re doing so well!!!!

 

Professor whom

 

What do you say?

 

Professor whom?

 

(Professor whom brought to you by Oolon Colluphid’s blockbuster who is this god person anyway republished for this universe)

 

Some theorist say the universe controls your destiny

 

There is another theory that says the universe doesn’t help you or hurt you

 

There is a third theory that both of the other two theories was done by marketers for the book 1771 or the best book ever, which truth to be told should have just stuck with the author’s first title “the parody of fan fiction that never really ended” or “the never ending fanfic story”

 

 

Chapter 18 the day the pounding on my head started to play hip-hop

 

It has been noted that this story of 1771 is going on to chapter 18 now we, or should I say me, think of the book as a pet project as it were, now,

 

Error….. error

 

What is it now?

 

“ This is eddy your ship board computer reminding you to keep the story as it goes and not really have an regard for, any logic so far noted”

 

Ok, fine

 

Last time we left our heroes they were about to get a nice cup of hot tea the professor was about to get, then really rudely some chap named Zaphod Beeblebrox, interrupted by saying he wanted to talk to the man in charge and then the professor said is full name out loud which the professor was stopping an argument between an monkey man and Zaphod

 

Who is this monkey man which zaphod is talking to and why in gods name is he only wearing a bathrobe?

 

All with be explained on this weeks chapter of the best book ever

 

(Intro music)

(Intro theme mobile suit Gundam mixed in a bit of the Journey Of The Sorcerer by the Eagles!)

 

The man who we just told you was monkey man pushes the two headed Zaphod and looks up at the screen

“ Hello, my name is Arthur Dentdid you say something about tea?”

The professor smiles and nods while David Tenant Green smiles as well and ask, “Why are you wearing your bathrobe”

Arthur repiles looking at the screen with a fearful tension In his eyes “ look can I have some tea first and I will tell you what ever you want to know, I haven’t had tea in over 10 years!”

 

The professor was about to repiles but something very strange happened Zaphod Beeblebrox (still your lord president and mine) pushed Arthur out the shot of the screen and replied “ I mean we are going to put you in the worst place in the universe since you offered monkey man like tea man.” Then the screen became dark, as David tenant green felt a grinding and shifting of the boat. The professor and David look out the screen of the Cordis and find the their ship was being sucked into the golden ship’s holding bay

 

What fate does the heart of gold have on our hero’s?

 

Will they have that nice cup of tea that they have been talking about all this time?

 

When will the author of this story get to grips with reality?

 

All will be explained on the next chapter of 1771 or the best book ever

 

Out-tro

(If you ever find your self in ursa minor check out the museum of the Jim the fish, Frobisher the penguin, and other sites at the professor whom museum in ursa minor beta)

 

Chapter 19 when I felt the pull of outer space

 

It was once said that the universe is big, really really big, so big in fact we might be very small which in fact has made a lot of people feel really frustrated so much to the fact that the man who said it died of over load of creativity.

 

The idea of people wanting to be remember is the key reason the author of this book espiers to be as good as or as creative as the describe person known as Douglass Adams. For he who knows the universe, doesn’t really know anything that is useful for anyone’s poker game.

 

Mean while David tenant Green, professor smith, Sherlock Holmes, a group a children that reminds the reader of the cast of harry potter, are in side a sea ship in space that now is inside another ship, well mostly a space ship, piloted by a strange two headed Zaphod Beeblebrox. Who has just sucked in the sea ship U.S.S Minerva inside the heart of gold’s improbability drive, a odd model to have In 1771 because in fact the Heart of gold, Zaphod, the nice man who spoke of getting tea Arthur Dent and some other people who we haven’t yet appeared in this program, are all from the year 1978 form a alternate universe where the earth was distorted in a hyperspace by-pass by the vogons. But that has nothing really do with our story just I though I might tell you this so when this happens

 

Arthur: you cant do this my towel wont allow it!

 

And this happens

 

Zaphoid: ford what do you think your doing?

 

You might have a sense where these zarking people are from

 

Keep in mind, since a lot of people are reading this book online, in cafes, and nice restaurants, that still think iPads and IPods are still a cool things, you might understand what is going on, and stop reading, because that would just be a tad silly.

 

Keep in mind the other options like tablets and so on, I might get a profit of this book after all keep in mind the idea of suing the paints off of it would be ironic

 

Lets get back to the story at hand shall we?

 

Chapter 20 (what not the plot yet wtf!)

 

Yes I know your very silly bunch aren’t you?

 

Well here we go

Inside the space ship the heart of gold Arthur Dent a nice English man only wearing a bathrobe, a towel walks over to Zaphod Beeblebrox (the lord president of the universe and does something that most of the human race would consider just a bit insensitive, but considering what he had been though it made bit of sense. Arthur walks up to Zaphoid with a stance of a hero and says “ that’s my home down there the earth, and you have taken my people inside a place which is ghastly and besides you can’t do this! And My towel wont allow it!”  Just then ford prefect the man who has been traveling with Arthur since the destruction of the earth takes a napkin and walks up to zaphod. Zaphod with both of his heads and screams, “ ford what do you think your doing?” Ford replied with a grin “ saving your life.” As ford presses a large red button that has the sign do not touch on it right next to the giant green button which read please push. And as quick as an Alterin mega Donkey hits its master on the head every bonking day which was the 26 of April (I know it sounds really long, trust me I know!)

 

The ship pushes it self into the sperm whale after saying “o, no not again” as it merged with it, turned into a camel, then a girl with red hair and no soul and then turned back into a space ship as it parked it self on the surface bellow. As Ford turns on the comm. and asks is that offer for tea still good?

 

Chapter 21 long isn’t it?

 

Authors note by making this story so complex the main character and I the author of this book, have forgotten any of the original or any other plot that I have given thus far, so instead of trying to fix a plot on my character I have decided to let these character figure it on there own

 

Professor Whom: but you can’t just do that leaving us in a cliffhanger like this!

 

Author: well I might give guidance but I refuse to give you any more plots.

 

David Tennant green: but what happens to my story, and will I find out what year it frankly is?

 

Author: well from this point on, you guys have to take the story on its own and I am not helping!

 

David Tennant Green: fine, I will take it from here!

 

Author: well good luck kid!

 

David Tennant Green: as I last recall, I was inside of a sea vessel in space now inside a golden space ship called the Heart of gold. As everyone stood in shock as our ship, which walls started to change shape, texture and color every other second. I asked the professor for the comm. Link and I pressed down a green button on the link “ I would like to speak with Mr. Arthur please!” I said as the whole room of the ship started to shape into the inside of a very strange looking shopping center. As the small screen started to change shape and size on the other end was Arthur Dent but now had the appearance of very small looking action figure with his head twice the size of his body “yes?” Arthur said in the most casual way, since the fact of turning into a puppet or a banana didn’t really faze him at his point of his life. Both the professor and I look at each other and said in unison “ turn it off”

In which Arthur had to walk around a group of monkeys who were writing Hamlet with a windows vista with 4 keys missing, a very strange skinny girl who was trying to convince everyone around her that she was John Lennon, and one badly tempered pig who was trying to figure out how to play the Piano without evolving thumbs.  After walking though theses obstacles he presses the red button again and both Arthur dent and David tenant green look at each other with strange sense of being upbeat with the situation which radically shifts when both of them look out there respective windows and find the earth looking a lot different, as the earth changed according to the alternate universe theory which states if you press a round red button that riffs though space and reality don’t be surprised if you find a reality where Ancient Rome fought off dinosaurs. Which as they looked down to the earth using the eddy screen they found precisely that.

 

Chapter 22 the Day of Dinosaurs  (yes this is getting better I know it)

 

Mean while on the sea-ship the USS Minerva, the professor, Sherlock, wanton with a chained up Doctor Morbis, a group of children who look like the cast of harry potter third book, and David tenant Green walk out of the ship and make there way pass the empty room with banana yellow walls. The door opens and stands a very large robot that sounds very freaking depressed. The robot spoke “ hello” he sighed “ they told me to bring you people upstairs, follow me” everyone nodded and followed the robot. He gives a big sigh and says, “ my name is Marvin, and I am not getting you down am I?” the group looks to each other and replied one after each other “ no, not really”

 

Mean while on the command deck Arthur Dent a very nice person from an alternate islingston, who’s in his time line the earth was destroyed, says to zaphod “ we could have landed on earth, my earth, not the hundreds of other earths, I mean we have been doing this for how long?”

Zaphod Beeblebrox who used to be Galactic president during the time period known as humans as the 1980’s looks over with his two heads wearing his spandex shirt and his neon yellow pants and repiles “ well monkey man, it was fords idea to find another earth that finds everyone’s needs baby!” is other head looked over thought for a moment “ there’s freaking dinosaurs on this go now goo!” Zaphod’s first head looks over to the second and do a bit of a head bump and then Zaphod’s body trying to deal with two different head injuries slides down to the floor. Ford opens the door as the doors almost orgasms by the mere joy of opening a door, this fact will come apparent as this strange sound comes out of the door as it opens a “AHHHHH yes yes yessssss” sound comes from the door as ford opens the door Ford looks around for a moment and asks anyone looking “ so when that group you got from earth 34 coming up” Arthur feeling like he should repiles says “ Marvin is going to get them, lets check on this professor bloke he might have really good tea, maybe his earth has amazing tea!”

 

chapter 23 When are we landing? 

 

Mean while David tenant green presses his face into the window of the ship as it shows giant lizards on the screen. Then eddy the ship computer started to speak “ hello everyone, I have figure out how to get everyone to there right time and place all we have to do is” then Zaphod interputed and replied “ look man your just a computer you cant make this situation better or worse!” and then ather dent did the most wonderful thing anyone has done in years he pressed the undo button. As arther dent did this the ship had pushed them forward in time to the point where they just had landed. To this point everyone reading this is asking one simple question, when does this story end?

 

To answer that question we look to the poet of leaf of z-land 6 known for his poem called giggle Smurfit 

 

Stories

That seems flow

Don’t seem that long ago

 

Now when you write a riddle or rhyme

 

You forget all time

 

And everything makes me giggle

 

Now  as the world hinges on this story, to make it much more simple and easyer to understand, the following events take place, 1st most of the characters that are still on the ship the heart of gold, will vanish, that will take care of dealing with so many characters. Secondly only of 3 characters will remain on this adventure.

Thirdly what happens to these characters well honestly its up to you

 

Before the end of this chapter here is a song

 

O this is the biggest mix-up

 

I have ever seen

 

There is a schlock Holmes, harry potter in this story

 

There is an arther dent who never made sense in this story

 

Now if you want it to make sense, we will kill one off without second thought

 

I know you cared a lot, but most of these characters are copywrited

 

So if my friends you know my deal

 

I make messes with works I reel

 

So lets make a deal

 

On the next thing

 

Good night yall

 

Chapter 24  the death of  too many people or how life moves on

 

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Very cool! Sounds like the beginning to something EPIC! Eager to read more!

keep in mind everyone its june of 1771 at the end of chapter 2

maybe talk about the trip, how bad the conditions were, but how excited everyone was for prosperity. you might also want to talk about if the English were bitter towards the Americas? and how the americans fealt about you coming as a brit?

i reallllly like the plot!

Chapter two in the beginning there was nothing 

At first, didn't know where to start, there were crying from my mother, who never ever seemed to cry only, when someone would go on a trip, or when someone died this was one of those times.

After my mother tears starting to dry, she grabbed my suitcase, which seemed to be twice my size filled what ever she thought I needed. I looked up at the suitcase and looked up and frankly replied “mother you expect me to get this thing to the shipyard in time?” she smiled and started to wrap a Corse twine around the suitcase to a metal thing with wheels on the bottom as my father was watching this spectacle and reading the local gazettes at the same time. He looks to my mother and gives a long sigh “ you know Britannia, this isn’t the boy’s first outing and besides, you weren’t like this when Hank or John when out to seek there fortunes.”

The best book ever

 

Chapter one it started out like any other

 

 

In started out like another day

 

It was a spring day in the year of our lord 1771

I was walking to class with books in my hand as rushed into the school building.

Our head master had decided, that we would learn some French, and we would learn better without memorizing letters of the alphabet, because most of the class couldn’t memorize in stead, he had us parts in a play and had to memories the lines, and that way we would understand the words. After a few months we had Shakespeare’s Macbeth mastered. One day a new student appeared as a new play from the colonies, had just come in, about how the 13 colonies wanted to be free of the church, but at the same time had become more strict in there own policies. The new student, smiled but we did not understand why fully in till he proclaimed that he had just visited a colony called Province New York and had met someone who told him about things to come, the man he met wore strange cloth and never wore a wig. This young man was full of ideas of a strange sort. So I decide, during summer holiday I would find this young man, and before I left I did ask the new student whose name was Jonathan Clive. He told me he went by the strange name of Ray Isakson.  Then I ask the address of this young man with strange clothes

He gave the address of rays to be 42 common in the mid-square, where he was working for printing press.

By the end of the summer I had explained to father and mother that I wanted to see, the colonies of the Americas, and with a long talk about it, it was decided we would go to see, how the common folk were doing, since only France was at war with everyone and the riots had stopped after I was born.

 

 

Chapter two in the beginning there was nothing 

At first, didn't know where to start, there were crying from my mother, who never ever seemed to cry only, when someone would go on a trip, or when someone died this was one of those times. After my mother tears starting to dry, she grabbed my suitcase, which seemed to be twice my size filled what ever she thought I needed. I looked up at the suitcase and looked up and frankly replied “mother you expect me to get this thing to the shipyard in time?” she smiled and started to wrap a Corse twine around the suitcase to a metal thing with wheels on the bottom as my father was watching this spectacle and reading the local gazettes at the same time. He looks to my mother and gives a long sigh “ you know Britannia, this isn’t the boy’s first outing and besides, you weren’t like this when Hank or John when out to seek there fortunes.”

V 3

The best book ever

 

Written by Ben “the thunder otter” Isaac

 

 

Chapter one it started out like any other day

 

It was a spring day in the year of our lord 1771.

I walked to class with books in my hand as I rushed into the school building.

Our head master had decided, that we would learn some French that day. And we would learn better without memorizing letters of the alphabet. Because most of the class couldn’t memorize anyway; instead he had us pick parts in a play and had to memories each of the lines; and that way we would understand French. After a few months we had Shakespeare’s Macbeth mastered. One day a new student appeared as an exchanged student who provided us with a new play from the colonies. It was about how the 13 colonies wanted to be free of the church, but at the same time had become strict in there own policies. The new student, smiled but we did not understand why fully. Until later that he proclaimed that he had just visited a colony called Province New York and had met someone who told him about things to come, the man he met wore strange cloth and never wore a wig. For this man had wrote the script we were studying. This young man was full of ideas of a strange sort. So I decide, during summer holiday I would find this young man, and before I left I did ask the new student whose name was Jonathan Clive. Clive told me he went by the strange name of Ray Isakson.  Then I ask the address of this Ray Isakson.

He gave the address of rays to be 42 common in the mid-square, where he was working for a printing press.

By the end of the summer I had explained to father and mother that I wanted to see, the colonies of the Americas. And after a long talk about it, we decided I would go to see, how the common folk were doing in the colonies. Since only France was at war with everyone and the riots had stopped after I was born.

 

 

 

 

Chapter two in the beginning there was nothing 

 

At first, didn't know where to start, there was crying from my mother, who never seemed to cry, perhaps when someone would go on a trip or when someone died and this was one of those times. After my mother’s tears started to dry, she grabbed my suitcase, which seemed to be twice my size filled what ever she thought I needed. I looked up at the suitcase and looked up and frankly replied “mother you expect me to get this thing to the shipyard in time?” she smiled and started to wrap a Corse twine around the suitcase to a metal thing with wheels on the bottom as my father was watching this spectacle and reading the local gazettes at the same time. He looks to my mother and gives a long sigh “ you know Britannia, this isn’t the boy’s first outing and besides, you weren’t like this when Hank or John when out to seek there fortunes.” She turns to my father in a pit of rage, “ Yes, I know but this is our baby our  little Davey, the last of our boys!”  As she turns to me and starts to sob “Please Davey come back to us after you set sail to the Americas and for gods sake please write!”  I nod and give her a hug and replied, “ I will write to you as much as king loves his country”

V 4

The best book ever

 

Written by Ben “the thunder otter” Isaac

 

 

Chapter one it started out like any other day

 

It was a spring day in the year of our lord 1771.

I walked to class with books in my hand as I rushed into the school building.

Our head master had decided, that we would learn some French that day. And we would learn better without memorizing letters of the alphabet. Because most of the class couldn’t memorize anyway; instead he had us pick parts in a play and had to memories each of the lines; and that way we would understand French. After a few months we had Shakespeare’s Macbeth mastered. One day a new student appeared as an exchanged student who provided us with a new play from the colonies. It was about how the 13 colonies wanted to be free of the church, but at the same time had become strict in there own policies. The new student, smiled but we did not understand why fully. Until later that he proclaimed that he had just visited a colony called Province New York and had met someone who told him about things to come, the man he met wore strange cloth and never wore a wig. For this man had wrote the script we were studying. This young man was full of ideas of a strange sort. So I decide, during summer holiday I would find this young man, and before I left I did ask the new student whose name was Jonathan Clive. Clive told me he went by the strange name of Ray Isakson.  Then I ask the address of this Ray Isakson.

He gave the address of rays to be 42 common in the mid-square, where he was working for a printing press.

By the end of the summer I had explained to father and mother that I wanted to see, the colonies of the Americas. And after a long talk about it, we decided I would go to see, how the common folk were doing in the colonies. Since only France was at war with everyone and the riots had stopped after I was born.

 

 

 

 

Chapter two in the beginning there was nothing 

 

At first, didn't know where to start, there was crying from my mother, who never seemed to cry, perhaps when someone would go on a trip or when someone died and this was one of those times. After my mother’s tears started to dry, she grabbed my suitcase, which seemed to be twice my size filled what ever she thought I needed. I looked up at the suitcase and looked up and frankly replied “mother you expect me to get this thing to the shipyard in time?” she smiled and started to wrap a Corse twine around the suitcase to a metal thing with wheels on the bottom as my father was watching this spectacle and reading the local gazettes at the same time. He looks to my mother and gives a long sigh “ you know Britannia, this isn’t the boy’s first outing and besides, you weren’t like this when Hank or John when out to seek there fortunes.” She turns to my father in a pit of rage, “ Yes, I know but this is our baby our  little Davey, the last of our boys!”  As she turns to me and starts to sob “Please Davey come back to us after you set sail to the Americas and for gods sake please write!”  I nod and give her a hug and replied, “ I will write to you as much as king loves his country.” As a single tear dropped from my eyes and trickled down my face as I looked into my mother’s eyes. Soon after my father and I pushed the cart down the block down to the docks we shook each others hands and a brief hug as I push the cart up were my vessel  waited for me. As I escorted to my room there was a red sign in French and German roughly said welcome to the Minerva sailing to the Americas as quick as god let’s us.

 

Chapter 3 Whales+ ships+ ocean= sea sick

 

 

 

if you want to see what else i am up to check out my album http://bentheottter.bandcamp.com/album/duck-soup

I suggest expanding, the chapters are a little short and I would use less parenthetical statements. Those are my main suggestions.

thanks dude!

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