Barriers.

[Emily]

I know alot of people have different ways of puting up with people, and how they get to know people, but what i have noticed lately is that every person i have met has had a different " barrier." What i mean by barrier is that wall we keep between ourselves and other people.

For me personaly i only let a select few past my barrier, and for me i have more than one. When i first meet someone i am normaly out going and eager to get to know the person. The first barrier for me is being extreamly bubbly... normally to the point of annoying. I find when people dont mind this i generaly stop being "annoying" because i think that they are a good friend. For me that is like a way of weeding out the people in your life that will stick by you and the ones that wont. My second barrier has only been broken by a few people. Generally I dont like to let people past it, the main reason for this is because it is really really terrifying to know that someone knows the darkest parts about you, the past that you dont like to share, the memories that you try to forget.

So my questions for every one are: what is your barrier, and how do you know if/ when you should let someone past?

[Brooke]

Same here.

[Olivia]

I guess my first barrier is a Barrier of Silence. I'm quiet at first. If we often have positive/friendly conversations, then you're my friend.
My second barrier is the Do You Care Barrier. If I figure someone cares enough about me to listen to me talk about my own life, then that is Very Good. There aren't many people at that point, because I'm afraid of bor-ing people and of seeming self-centered.

[Occam'sTrimmer]

I am very silent at first as well. I find it very convenient to sort of scope out the situation before deciding that I can let barrier #1 down. After that I suppose being falsely transparent is my second barrier, testing to see if anyone catches that I am subtly mocking the notion of small talk and such. I don't mean for that one to offend so much as weed out those that I feel won't be worth trouble. I guess this method allows for lots of friends in lots of places, but I can't say that I have one group of friends that you will always see me with. Generally I am on my own really.

[Jessica Lopez]

my first barrier is just to kind of be quiet and awkward which i've been told makes me seem stand-off-ish. So im working on that. but if people get past that (which doesn't take long) its my bubbly personality. Next for me its bubbly with serious mixed in. And when people get down to the core which is my emotional problematic self, thats when i know they're good friends. Best friends when we can talk about absolutely anything but so far those relationships havent turned out to be the best :~/

[Mrs.William Shakespeare (Phd)]

"not really a barrier, just a complicated pathway that I control the means of entry in..."

That's a really interesting way of doing things. I imagine it could be quite tantalising, like a labyrinth, but one that you want to be in.

Lots of people have mentioned social awkwardness, silence etc. As someone with no barriers, can I ask (this may sound callous or idiotic) how do you make new friends?

[VictorTheWondrousFiendOfHumanity]

i wait and see what life gives me, or i jump into something with all my effort, and twice as much in planning and smoothness. not just anyone, though. that's not even half of it, but i'll leave you to fantastic infinite guessing...

[Terry]

My barrier is a three inch glass wall.
You can hear some stuff but there's a lot of separation and you miss the important stuff.
I'm kinda glad though.

[Meaghan]

This is a really interesting topic. It reminds me of a personality test that I took once. I took a half-year psychology course my junior year in high school- just for fun. One day, before a break we didn't have very much work to do so my teacher gave us this very well known extrovert/introvert quiz. I took it and I turned out to be an introvert. I wasn't very surprised I'm not the most outgoing person in the world. But when the teacher asked the extroverts to raise their hand the whole class did except me. At first I thought "What's wrong with me?" and then "Are introverts THAT uncommon?"

After reading of several of these posts I realize that the answers to those questions are (respectively) 'nothing' and 'no'. That's just one of my barriers. I think of the situation when I first meet people as someone coming upon a hole in the ground. One that they know is not very deep but the bottom is indiscernible. The first barrier is making that little leap of faith. Most people just keep walking at a safe distance. I'm not unfriendly, in fact I'm very polite but there's a little bit of work involved for those who want to be my close friends.
From there it's a matter of time. It takes me a very long time to get used to people, to not get easily embarrassed, to not clam up. Then getting to know the person and slowly letting them in. Often the people I make friends with share a connection with me. For example my one friend and I are teammates on the varsity crew team. We are very similar in our attitudes toward competition and therefore work very well as a team we row and even run at the very same pace; step for step, stroke for stroke. This opened up to a closer friendship.
I think that everyone has their barriers and our friends are the clever, persistent ones who found out how to break them down. And lets face it- those are the ones we want to keep anyway. :)

[Katherine Welch]

I don't have a barrier at first, it develops over time, once you get to know me.
I rarely keep in touch with new people more than a few weeks, which is why I don't have many longterm friends.

[Emily]

if you dont keep friends long, how does it work at school?

[Katherine Welch]

Usually I hang out with them at school, and if we want to make plans or something then i'll tell them when I see them, but during the summer I hardly ever see them. I'm getting better though, which is good! :)
PS: by keeping in touch, i mean phone, email, etc. I just forget or am too lazy or just don't know how to start the conversation.

[Emily]

okay, well at least you have people to talk to at school!
That is good that you are getting better, because friends can really come in handy some times haha.