Boys vs. Girls

[Meg Eldritch]

Today in my youtube subscription boxed appeared a new video by "italktosnakes". I think most nerdfighters know her.

Anyway, the video was intensely interesting. In it, she discusses how she went to a pub and got into a debate about boys vs. girls. The girls, all six of them, agreed that girls dress up for other girls, not for boys. The boys couldn't believe this and denied it.

I'm linking the video here. I'd love to see YOUR opinion on this. Do you think she's right? Do girls dress up for other girls? Do guys honestly not notice when girls do things like pluck their eyebrows? Do you boys have a "rating system" for girls? If you're a girl, do you judge other girls?

Inquiring minds want to know! Battle of the Nerdfighter Sexes, perhaps? :D

Watch the video first!

[Decepticon]

Firstly: Yes, boys notice eyebrows. We also notice when we lean in to kiss you and you have tiny little facial hairs that are invisible from a distance. We notice when you stop doing your hair. We notice when you don't shave your legs. We notice when you do all sorts of things.

Like I noticed she wasn't wearing make-up, or at least isn't very good at putting it on under her eyes, and could benefit from it.

Further, the reason guys can't wrap their heads around that, is that to us things are more 'objective' based. You dress up so that other girls won't think you're ugly.

Ok, fine, but what does that GET you? You aren't dating other girls. You won't be talking to those other girls. Any girl who's any kind of friend isn't going to go behind your back about how shitty you looked tuesday 'cause you didn't curl your hair or wore sneakers.

I'll allot that girls are more likely to have 'false friends' who WOULD back stab them like that, but--really--is holding onto a 'friend' like that something that dressing up is 'getting you' or something it is 'costing you'?

Now guys? That's how we think. If we were dressing up for other guys we'd stop and have those exact thoughts to ourselves.

On the other hand? Impressing chicks? Well that gets us dates. Gets us sex. Gets us a person to spend our lives with and be happy with. You know, depending on the guy.

We're in it for the end objective. Why are we dressing up? To get something.

There's nothing to be obtained for dressing up for people you aren't sexually interested in. Job interviews, etc. non-withstanding.

[Her-mee-own]

I have a few of these "false friends", I mostly just ignore them, but the reason I don't say anything to them is because I don't want to cause uneseccary trouble. Maybe thats true for others?

[QuantumTuba]

This is true.

[Emma Nordmeyer]

yes we will dress pu for other girls, we don't want to come across as ugly, even without speaking to them, we know hen another girl is thinking "whoa, she's ugly)" just by looking at us. we'll know when someone thinks we're uglyu. it GETS us the peace of mind that we don't come across as ugly. not nessicarily that we're so pretty, just not ugly.

[Nastassja]

Real friends will, not necessarily go behind your back and bitch what you wore, but they will comment on it. And they will not let you live it down. They usually ask "what are you wearing" and will judge your description almost immediately. Deciding on whether it's too skanky, too dressy, not dressy enough, ect. We seriously do dress up for the others, and sometimes for ourselves. We have the right to feel beautiful and confident even when we aren't impressing guys.

[Chris E]

I think it's more just something we guys don't realize. I can understand why the guys she was with hadn't thought about that before, for reasons Decepticon noted, but I don't know why they "couldn't wrap their heads around it". Wanting to impress other girls seems perfectly logical if you have seen any highschool-centric sitcom in the past ten years.

And, again, as Decepticon said: We do notice eyebrows and we definitely notice when you have an upper-lip dilemma that needs taken care of.

[Jason G]

I don't notice any of that stuff. I mean, maybe it's my lack of contact with the opposite sex, but I don't notice precise things or whatever.

Like, Decepticon said she wasn't wearing make-up today. Now I watch Kristina a lot on youtube, and I honestly did not realize that. I did notice that she looked different, but I didn't know why, and I didn't even linger with the thought.

And sure, I guess I can understand the way girls think... trying to er impress other girls. But that seems rather unnecessary. Wouldn't it be better if all girls just agreed to not have to dress up and pretty themselves for each other? Then they'd save a lot of time.

[Brittney]

And sure, I guess I can understand the way girls think... trying to er impress other girls. But that seems rather unnecessary. Wouldn't it be better if all girls just agreed to not have to dress up and pretty themselves for each other? Then they'd save a lot of time.

I just imagined a Worldwide Girl Meeting, and I imagined us girls making this agreement, and then I imagined lots of girls thinking, "Yuuus, they're all gonna look shit and I'm totally going to still straighten my hair and put on eyeliner and everyone will just see me and think, "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline" and I will win the hotness stakes."

:P.

Also, if we weren't busy competing on looks, we'd be competing about something else.

Like I feel like my mum competes with other mothers on some level. You know, my kids are better than yours etc. While I feel like my dad is certainly very proud of his kids ... it's less ... competitive.

[Brittney]

I have told many, many boys this and they always find it hard to wrap their heads around.

When I go into town with my girlfriends, we hardly ever comment on the guys who walk past us. Only if we see a male so incredibly attractive that we're stunned, our knees are trembling and our insides have turned to goo, will we turn and say, "Left, left, look to your left, total freakin' baabe". Which probably happens once in a night, if at all. On the other hand, we will comment on the girls who walk past us, constantly. Anything from, "Traagic" to "Now, if I was a lesbian, she would be my type" to "Did you see her jacket? It was amazing!" to "I want her hair" to "Ugh, does she not have friends to tell her how hideous her shoes are?"

This is embarrassingly honest. Ah well.

If I am going somewhere with a bunch of guys, I will not worry very much about my appearance. You see, the way this works in my head is, they will want me (or not) whether or not I make my eyes look that fraction better with the use of some eyeliner and eyeshadow. Furthermore, on many occasions, I don't give a shit whether or not the guys I'm with "want me", because I'm not interested in them.

If I'm going somewhere where I know there will be tonnes of girls, on the other hand, I know that the presence of so many of my fellow females will make me feel more insecure than usual. So I spend the extra hour because I need the confidence boost. I know that girls will notice everything, will judge everything, will discuss everything with their friends, so to deal with that, I need to feel good about myself in the first place. That way, I can brush everything off.

No guy has ever said to me, "You'd be so much prettier if you wore make up." Girls have. Guys hardly ever comment when I change my hair, when I don't wear make up, when I wear more make up than usual, when I get new piercings, when I wear new clothes, when I wear heels instead of flats, when I lose/gain weight, when I get a tan over the summer ... but girls always do. And maybe that's why. I'm conditioned to care about girls' responses because they vocalize it. (And because I can read the disdain in their eyes when they hate my outfit - because many girls purposely let you see that.)

I do put in the time to look good for boyfriends though. That doesn't usually have much to do with confidence (maybe in the very, very beginning), it's more about ... I think it's a nice gesture, making an effort.

Oh, and lastly, in terms of close friends ... I'm not at all insecure about how I look in front of my best friends. Like, say, at slumber parties (this eighteen year old still indulges in the occasional slumber party, hell yeah.) I'm totally comfortable with them. That competitive bitchy snark thing isn't there.

So there you go. There's the twisted, shallow, inner workings of me.

[Chris E]

With regards to girls always giving their opinion on another girl's appearance whenever they get the chance, I was always curious if there was some unwritten rule of female etiquette stating that you must give a compliment about your friend's hair, makeup, shirt, pants, shoes, socks, whatever, before engaging them in conversation. It always seemed strange to me, and sometimes strained; that it must be difficult to be sure to come up with something nice to say in the four seconds it takes to walk up to someone that you know. Maybe that's me paying too much attention to the fact that I don't pay enough attention to everyone's glistening traits, or maybe I'm just bad at giving compliments; after all, extolling the same pair of sneakers three days in a row is a little suspicious. Or, perhaps, maybe we guys are unknowingly force fed the same images of female beauty that drive women to starve themselves, convinced that only that can get them noticed.

So, yes, maybe guys don't notice the little changes. Maybe we do, and we just don't say anything about it because it's not our territory; the line between a compliment and flirting falls on thin ice. If we do, we probably won't discuss it with our pals outside of locker-room conversations concerning scandalous behavior, but the guys who engage in those dialogues aren't the ones you should be worried about impressing. It's just not that important to the rest of us.

Oh; and slumber parties are totally rockin'.

[Brittney]

I was always curious if there was some unwritten rule of female etiquette stating that you must give a compliment about your friend's hair, makeup, shirt, pants, shoes, socks, whatever, before engaging them in conversation.

Haha, I do this a lot. Only when it comes naturally, though, if I notice something new and awesome I'll definitely mention it. (Although, I am actually quite unobservant by nature, so it's not unheard of for me to not realize that my friend has cut her hair, for instance.) I do it because I thought it, so I might as well share it, because it'll make them feel good. Also, sometimes it's just a good opener. "Oh, wow, you have amazing shoes," can lead somewhere with someone you're not used to talking to. It's way less stale than discussing the weather.

the line between a compliment and flirting falls on thin ice.

Definitely. I always start to become concerned about a guy's motives if he's complimenting me a lot.

[Emma Nordmeyer]

well, i've never heard such a ridculous thing in my life, that girls always compliment eachother befoe talking, as polite as that sounds. things might be different after puberty, though. although i have asked one of my friends what kinkd of shampoo she uses before.