Compulsive Liar… Help

[Camille]

I have a friend who is a compulsive liar. These days, I don't know if anything truthful ever comes out of her mouth. I know it sounds cliché, but I don't even think she knows the difference between the truth and a lie anymore. She tells my friends and I so many things that we know are lies, but the problem is that she also tells us things that we can't be sure about. Like the fact that she has passed out from drinking and taking advil and stuff many times. We're really worried, but we don't know what to think. Some of us want to just pass it off as another lie, because the way she tells us is just so casual. But the thing is, if she isn't lying and something happens, I don't think that any of us could live with ourselves. Please help me.

[Cavalier]

tell her parents and/or counsiler

[Camille]

Her parents are pretty absent. I don't think that they would really do anything if I told them, however bad that sounds. Also, I am scared of them (her dad is a very large british man.)

[Kirsten]

How exactly are the British scary?

Anyway, some advice on this. I'm much older than you, but the very same thing happened to me approximately two decades ago. I even remember the girl's name- Amy. She was a freshman at my high school when I was a junior or a senior and she was on the speech and debate team at the same time I was. She was constantly lying- in retrospect, I think it was because she wanted attention. But when someone lies all the time, people tend to start ignoring them so that only worked for a little while. So she upped the ante by talking about killing herself.

I wasn't really friends with her, nor was another girl I was friends with who was also there for this. However, we felt that we should do something just in case she was serious so we reported it to the vice principal of the school. We never told Amy we were the ones who reported it, and she never did find out. I think that there are anonymous ways to report something like this such as sending a letter to her parents or leaving a note on a teacher's desk at school if you really think that she is serious.

Regardless of whether or not you do report this or take some other action or not, I hope you remember that:
1. She is responsible for the choices she makes, good or bad,
2. Her parents are responsible for helping to guide her in making good choices and learning from bad ones, and
3. While it is great if you can do something to help her, it is not your fault or failing if you are unable to influence her away from making bad choices. This is on her and the adults who should be present in but apparently are absent from her life. This is not on you.

[Camille]

Thanks for your advice. I may do just this, say something annonomously. Its true, these are her decisions, its just hard because she is a good friend of mine. I just really need to weigh the options, me saying something and her probably being mad, or me not saying anything and her possibly dying. I think I prefer the former.
By the way, it's not his british-ness that makes him scary, it just adds to the intimidation factor.

[Kirsten]

She is lucky to have you as a friend. If it ends up that she is mad at you or takes some action that harms herself, just remember to be gentle with yourself. You're in a tough position- one you shouldn't have been put in- and you're doing the best you can.

[ApolloWW]

I'll tell you what to do, forget that she's your friend for a little while. come up to her and shout in her face, very seriously, "ARE YOU (if you wanna curse do it here) LYING ABOUT DRINKING OR NOT? BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE."... that's what I'd do, at least. If she says yes, take her to the counselor. If she was lying, she'll probably become uncomfortable, if not, take her into the office, she may become angry. Disregard her. Unless you aren't in a school, then the police would be ok. Also: If she scratches her nose more than a regular person should while saying something, she's lying.

[neeshaknowsall]

Either she's telling the truth about the drinking and advil, or she needs attention. In both cases I would get outside help. <3

[Camille]

Yeah, I've tried. I talked to my counseler, and she told me to wait it out and keep a very close eye on her. I did try to confront her, and she told me she was alright, but she looked very nervous. I would go back to the counseler, but unfortunately, my parents can't even afford for me to go (Or go to San Diego!) Damn economy.

[neeshaknowsall]

Economy hurts my soul.
You have to pay to see a counselor? Don't schools provide that for free?

[Camille]

No, she wasn't a school counselor. More of a "therapist" (don't worry, I'm not suicidal) that I went to when I was going through a rough patch in school. I don't even think my school has a counselor… just the collage counselor…

[neeshaknowsall]

Really? Most school's first lie is that "Our counselors will always lend an ear when you need one!" An when you want to talk to them, You can't find their office. How rude.