So, I thought, maybe this thread could help some other nerdfighters out there and maybe me as well.
How does one get through the process of the after breakup? My ex broke up with me after 2 years together about 2 months ago. We had dated through high school, were looking at apartments together and were talking engagement. Out of nowhere after his grandma's funeral, he broke up with him. He went back and fourth on whether he loved me or not and then we finally declared ourselves done.
However, after 2 months even, I still feel a bit lost. I mean, I still miss him and I still wonder why you would do that. How you can just leave somebody like that? I feel like this breakup is really holding me back, when it shouldn't be.
With this whole ordeal I have a rational side that says "Oh, he didn't love you. You can do better. His loss." etc. My emotional side thinks otherwise though.
So, nerdfighters, any advice at all? I know i need to move on, but I can't seem to move on completely. I just don't know what to do.
I think this topic was touched upon greatly in John's conversation with Rainn Wilson on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zd9WuYGLiKc
But to derive from their points and draw up my own,
John put it best in that love is a process, not an event. And after a break-up, it's completely normal to go through the process of grief - and confusion is nothing abnormal either.
I myself have actually never been in a relationship. The closest I was to one was the rejection after confession/asking-out/"friend-zoning" ordeal. But over time, in looking on others' romantic histories, I get a greater idea of what a relationship is actually supposed to mean - from starting one to (if it does happen) ending one.
I won't try to justify his rationale, since I obviously don't possess his mind or his thoughts, and I don't know the details of your relationship. But it's good that you're having these feelings - you miss him because he was someone you cared about, and hopefully he knew that to the end. Maybe in some way he misses you too.
And moving on is not about "There are more fish in the sea" or "He didn't love you. You deserve better." Because of course you deserve the best, and of course you have so much time and so many people to understand. It's about letting go of any blame on yourself, and just being happy that it did happen.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
You know the saying "Time heals all wounds"? Well, I don't know if that's necessarily true, but time definitely does make them less painful.
I also went through a breakup recently. It was my first real relationship, but it was clear that it wasn't working out. However, it still hurt when it was over. I couldn't stop thinking about him, couldn't hang out with my friends, and was constantly wishing that we could work it out. However, as the time went on I just didn't care as much. Even now, four months later, I still love him and if there was a chance for us I would take it, but I've also resigned myself to the fact that we just aren't meant to be, and if we were, we would still be together.
So I guess my advice is this: just give it time. Do the things you would do before you were together. Spend time with your friends, your family. Pick up a new hobby. Just try not to think about it, and before you know it, it won't hurt as much.
After the final breakup between myself and my first boyfriend, I discovered the book It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken and honestly, it helped me a lot. There are motivation and inspirational blurbs, exercises, and it's overall very funny. It will help you get back on track and not feel like a big pile of sad all the time.
Hope this helps =)
I hope you're feeling better already, but I have no idea. When my ex broke up with me it took me a very, very long time to get over it so maybe my advice will still be helpful.
To deal with my breakup I dived into novels, to stop myself thinking about him. I also told myself to keep doing everything that I usually did, in the case of going to school, eating (a bit at least), sleeping, some excercising, etc. Laying still in bed doesn't work I think. Also - just be terribly nice for yourself. Treat yourself to some nice candy from time to time, read your favorite novels, watch your favorite movies, do whatever you feel like doing to make yourself happy. For me it was spending time with old friends and yeah, novels.