I have begun re-writing the Declaration of Independence, illustriously authored by the brilliant Mister Thomas Jefferson, informally known as TJ. However, I cannot pursue this by myself, and would require some assistance crafting this magnum opus of Nerdfighteria. I would ike some help writing and editing this until we have a complete masterpiece to present to John and Hank! Then, I will need your help getting the final copy to him. I shall post the declaration here. The bold part is what I have so far edited. If you have any questions or comments, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org , reply to this forum or contact me at nerdfighers.ning.com
Thank you in advance, nerdfighers. I really need your help! Let's do this for John and Hank
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for two people to dissolve the textual communication which have connected them with another, and to assume power in the Youtube Universe, the separate and equal station to which the laws of increasing awesome while decreasing suck entitle them, a decent respect to the rest of the world impels them to explain what Nerdfighteria is and the direction it shall go in.
We hold these truths to be obvious, that all nerdfighters are created equal, that they are endowed by John and Hank Green with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of puppy-sized elephants. That to secure all awesome, Ning-masters are instituted in the Ning, deriving their just powers from Hank and John. That whenever any nerdfighter begins increasing suck, it is the right of the other nerdfighters to correct him non-snottily, and to institute new awesome, laying its foundation on such principles as Willy's elusive head turn and the James Webb space telescope, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that world suck cannot be changed by ignorant and unknowing Decepticons; and accordingly all experience hath shown that nerdfighters are more disposed to help the world, while evil exists, than to become giant squids of anger.
But when a long train of abuses and bullying, pursuing invariable the same object plots a design to crush their awesome under the weight of world-suck, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such evil babies, and to provide Ning-masters for their future security. --Such has been the suckitude of these colonies; and such is now the motivation which constrains them to overthrow any and all Decepticons and/or evil babies. The history of the current status of nerd-dom across the Earth is a history of repeated bullying, slushies to the face, and refusal to accept free Peeps, all leading to an increased world-suck affecting all Nerdfighteria. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
Decepticons have played Keep-Away with nerds' books, the most wholesome and necessary items for a nerd's happiness.
They have forbidden nerds from participating in a myriad of awesome activities without their express permissions; and when permissions are suspended, they have made. life. HELL.
They have refused to acknowledge that nerds will inherit the Earth, and the sheer amount of Nerdfighters, those undiscovered included, provides them with a large base of back-up which would allow them to forcibly participate in awesome activities if only they were physically inclined.
They have amassed teams of Decepticons called "high school football teams" that meet in places that are distressing to nerds (see: outdoors) hosting the sole purpose of creating nerd-exclusive parties.
They have carelessly dissolved groups of nerds repeatedly in hallways by marching along with disregard to their bodily harm.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.
He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.
He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
Through all these injustices we have bravely stood alone, with only several dozen instances of running home to cry in our mothers’ arms. Now, however, through the power of technology which only we fully understand, we unite in this community of Nerdfighteria to at long last begin to decrease worldsuck. By the authority of the vlogbrothers, we solemnly publish and declare, that though our bodies are weak, our minds are strong enough for this great task; that we will pledge to eternally READIT1ST; that we are allowed to be genuinely, unironically enthusiastic about stuff; that we will not let our constant need of glasses prevent us from spotting worldsuck; that we will educate the world through three-minute vlogs and nasal voices; and that we will stand firm even in the worst case of tiny chicken disease. Together, now and always, we stand together, raise our sonic screwdrivers, switch on our calculators, conjure our Patronuses and as one voice, cry out our initialism:
> I have begun re-writing the Declaration of Independence
Pardon me for pissing in the Cheerios, but... why?
The Declaration of Independence is an announcement by an oppressed people that they are dissolving their ties with an oppressor.
Who, exactly, has been oppressing Nerdfighteria? And before you jump up and say "jocks!" or "popular people!" - stop and think for a moment. We don't have any ties with them. They have no authority over us. It would be like Germany declaring its independence from Belgium because the Belgians tell too many jokes about how many Germans it takes to screw in a light bulb. Belgium doesn't oppress Germany. They're just being rude.