Definition of virginity

[Cathal (billythehick)]

When to do it and how you feel about doing it, and other issues about doing it have already been discussed. So I now wanna get to a very core issue.

How do you define doing it?

If you have oral sex would you say that makes you not a virgin?
If you've had sex with someone of the same sex but not of the opposite sex, does that mean you're not a virgin?
If someone brings you to orgasm with their hands, would you say that takes away your virginity?

thoughts...
(I have none of my own. On any subject)

[Kate Monster]

That's it! Gah I knew I knew it. Thank ya.

[charlotte]

I think it is interesting to have this discussion, because it shows us how important it seems to be if you are a virgin or not.
on the one hand it seems to me like a religious thing (I don't want to offend anyone!). for some people it is important to be a virgin out of religious reasons.
on the other hand it seems to me like a fahion-thing to lose your virginity (as early as possible), because the cool kids do it....

for me, neither is important, so I don't have a clear opinion about this. maybe you lose your virginity when you start puberty, you begin to think about sex, maybe start to masturbate or maybe you lose your virginity when you have you "first real hetero sex"...
for me it is not important, because it is neither important to be a virgin till I'm married or whatever or to lose my virginity.

[Cathal (billythehick)]

see there's this scene in Chasing Amy where a guy is discussing virginity with his lesbian friend, and he's trying to convince her she's a virgin despite the number of women she's slept with with. She says she's had parts of people's anatomy stuck inside her, she's experienced orgasms, and she broke her hymen when she fell on a fence when she was a kid, and he can't come up with a definition of virginity that she hasn't overcome, but can't make the condition of a woman losing her virginity "a man sticking his penis into her vagina" because she's a lesbian, and that's not how she has sex.
Now it becomes entirely moot anyway in the second half of the film after some revelations that I won't spoil. But the question stands. Does gay-man-sex count as losing your virginity? does lesbian-sex count as losing your virginity? Would, say, a 69er count as losing your virginity?

Sex is as integral part of being human as conversation. You say you don't care about it and you don't need it, and god doesn't want you to want it, and all the rest, but it's always going to be one of our most defining characteristics. So yes, I say discuss it to death, from every angle.

[Emily]

I used to think that virginity basically meant if you had sex, like intercourse, not oral or anything like that. I saw it as being different levels as someone else said. Oral, feeling up, mutual masturbation etc. Would be like the first couple of parts, and actually having sex (for heterosexuals) would be when you had fully lost your virginity. I think for homosexuals it is slightly different, a woman who has had sex with other women would no longer be a virgin, same goes for gay men who have had sex with other men and not women.

[charlotte]

ok, so far we can agree, that someone looses his or her virginity, when they have "normal" heterosexual sex. but is that the ONLY way?

and I think it is important to talk about sex, but is it important to define virginity? I think it is not universally important, just if it is important for YOU.

[Paul Hibberd]

Ah, what a question. For the longest time I was told and thought that you are a virgin until you have intercourse, then sometime a few years back I heard someone on the radio talking about oral sex being legit sex and lose of virginity. That got me thinking, after all it does have sex in the name doesn't it? I decided after being the good nerd I am to look it up. The definition I received is a person who has not had sexual intercourse well that is all fine and dandy but for kicks whats the definition of sexual intercourse well I found it to be this a sexual union especially involving penetration of the..... you know where it is going so there really isn't a clear and concrete foundation of what sexual intercourse is other than a sexual union. So I guess that means any type of sex at all.

What I am getting at is I feel as your loss of virginity is up for your interpretation whether it is having full out sex or merely oral sex I think it is how YOU feel about it. I for one believe that oral sex does not constitute. losing your virginity

oh and even if you are homosexual you can still have intercourse its just a different type. So I think you can base a lot off of "heterosexual sex" and "homosexual sex", we can all agree that homosexuals do have sex so why do they not lose their virginity?

[Mic]

I don't think we can all agree on anything when it comes to "sex".  I have given up using the term to mean anything but what worms and flowers do.  We can probably agree on what orgasm is.  I think virginity is more about chastity and virtue, and that is a matter of the heart and spirit if you ask me.

[Mic]

This is exactly my problem with the way people talk as well.  We have too many different definitions for the word "sex". I know the difference between copulation and masturbation. We could look at the significance of virginity in terms of either one.  As copulation goes, it's kind of a scientific question and easily defined. As assisted masturbation goes, it's more of a question of belief and relationships. What about solo masturbation? Could we consider a virgin someone who has never experienced orgasm? If we want to look at it from a spiritual point of view, how much does it take to defile someone's purity? one impure thought? I think it is possible to purify thoughts, but taking back an act or an experience is like trying to forget something that is indelibly imprinted on the mind.

[Kendra Herrick]

I think everyone should get to define it for themselves. There's a lot of gray area and if you consider yourself a virgin (or otherwise) more power to you. 

 

It's a bit arbitrary, but personally I would consider someone still a virgin if they've performed oral sex on someone else, but not if they've had it done to them. In less they tell me otherwise, in which case I'd go with their definition.

[Mic]

I think you are on to something, Kendra.  It seems virginity is not about what others tell you is right or wrong so much as it is about how you feel afterward. I think for most people, by the time you are making any physical contact with someone else's genitals, you have left the realm of the innocent child as far as how you feel about yourself and your relationships.  On the other hand, that transition from innocent child and experienced adult can happen by degrees.  As long as you feel like you have held back something of your virtue for the right person at the right time, you have something left of "virginity", how ever small or partial that may be.

[Arijana M]

I agree that there are different stages of losing your virginity. But I think that you have officially lost your virginity once you have had sex,that being sex with a partner of the same or the opposite sex.

[Sam Harris]

So many answers as it means alot of different things to different people. To me a person kinda has two virginities, one they lose when they actually have full penatrative sex and the other is the emotional bond you feel when you have sex for the first time. If you don't really care for the person (although you may feel you do and just not realise untill you find someone else) i've seen that people tend to say it didn't feel like they lost their virginity even if they did have sex with the person. But this is a very subjective topic and everyone has a view :)