Definition of virginity

[Cathal (billythehick)]

When to do it and how you feel about doing it, and other issues about doing it have already been discussed. So I now wanna get to a very core issue.

How do you define doing it?

If you have oral sex would you say that makes you not a virgin?
If you've had sex with someone of the same sex but not of the opposite sex, does that mean you're not a virgin?
If someone brings you to orgasm with their hands, would you say that takes away your virginity?

thoughts...
(I have none of my own. On any subject)

[Cylis Dreamer]

There are as many answers to this as there are people.

Originally I thought intercourse was the line, however it's been brought to my attention this is pretty exclusive to the straight crowd. Thus I earlier statement.

Hope that helps. :)

[Cathal (billythehick)]

I'm not looking for answers, I'm looking for the diversity of responses.

[Brooke]

If you have oral sex would you say that makes you not a virgin? Not in my opinion. I think oral is not considered losing your virginity.
If you've had sex with someone of the same sex but not of the same sex, does that mean you're not a virgin? Maybe I'm just slow but ..if you've had sex with someone of the same sex but not of the same sex..what?
If someone brings you to orgasm with their hands, would you say that takes away your virginity? No. It'd be basically saying that if you masturbate and you orgasm you'd be losing virginity to yourself.

[Cathal (billythehick)]

I meant opposite sex. fixed it now.

basically, if you're a lesbian, and you've had several sexual partners but never had penis-in-vagina sex, are you a virgin?
similarly would you consider a gay man who's never had sex with a woman to be a virgin or not?

should there be seperate terms for the different types of sex? Like "mouth-virgin" or "ass-virgin" (or "backdoor virgin" as Diablo Cody put it)

[Tom Wilson]

I'm sorry, I'm going to be really Immature here, and will contribute something intellectual in a second...but "Penis-in-vagina sex" ... I lol'd. Not gonna lie.

[Tom Wilson]

I would say that losing your virginity, to me, has very much the traditional meaning of plain out heterosexual sex. One of my closest friends is a Lesbian, and has been in a few long-term loving relationships with active sex lives, but she still counts herself a virgin and I would say I have to agree with her.

It may be seen as an extremely good/bad thing to be a virgin. For younger people, I feel there's a lot of pressure on losing the v-card, and so being able to without going the full-hog to them may cause people to think that Second or Third base stops them from being a virgin, and so gain respect.

As a youth-worker, I see that as kids reach around 14+ a lot of the males start boasting and a lot of pressure is put on those who don't. These young people having purely physical relationships so they can lose their virginity as soon as they can, to whoever they can, wherever they can.

In the case of some Christian communities, I've been told by some of my Christian friends that anything further thank kissing/holding hands stops you being a virgin/being innocent. And there's an increasing number of these cases being reported, but only via media so I'm not 100% trusting...

As a Christian Myself, I feel that only full-blown sex counts when it comes to being a virgin, but it's a difficult one. I know quite a few people that have lost boy/girlfriends simply because they refuse to have sex before marriage, which kinda makes me sad. But I can see that a physical relationship does/should flow very naturally if there is a deep enough spiritual bond...not to sound too hippy.

In conclusion *Clears throught* I think that a virgin is anyone who has not had heterosexual sex, as this is the only, natural, way of getting pregnant/reproducing and so what I believe is set to happen by God, evolution, the universe or whatever you believe in. But that's just me, and I don't want to pressure anyone else into believing it, it's just what I think...

[Aluzky Irezumi]

If virginity gets lost when you have sex for the first time then we need to define is what can we call sex.
♦
In my humble personal opinion: One can be a virgin in different sexual activities and not be a virgin in others. I'm sure many guys consider to be virgins but they masturbate 3 times a day, virgin in reproductive sexual intercourse, but not in sexual masturbation.


PS: @Tom Wilson "I think that a virgin is anyone who has not had heterosexual sex, as this is the only, natural, way of getting pregnant/reproducing and so what I believe is set to happen by God, evolution, the universe or whatever you believe in."

•►I sure some one could spreed sperm on a dildo and use it to have sex with his wife and get her pregnant and she would have lost her virginity to his husband. Maybe the girl has an ugly STD and is the only way for his husband to make a baby without getting infected.

[Chloe Smith]

Just going to toss my two cents in here.
I'm a big follower of Dan Savage, he's a sex columnist out of Seattle, and I have always agreed the most with his definition of virginity (and what it takes to lose it).
Any sexual activity that you participate with other person is sex. That includes oral, anal, mutual masturbation, using toys etc. If it's shared human intimate contact with (hopefully) orgasms, it's sex. Human sexuality is too complex to just say vaginal intercourse is the only type of the sex that counts as sex.
People put so much pressure on V-cards, that it has to be that "first time" that is so important, where really (I think) you lose you virginity in phases.The wonderful thing about that is you could save something for that one person you want to spend your life with, one thing that you choose not to do with anyone else. It's not a on shot deal.
Here's video that might help. Warning explict language:
You can also follwing Dan Savage at his blog, read his column, or listen to his weekly podcast at

[Tom Wilson]

I definitely like the idea of it being lost in stages, as up until now, for me, it's been simply a "You have it or you don't" subject... Thanks for the different outlook (:

[Tom Wilson]

I do not, for one second, mean this in a rude, condescending or offensive way...but I don't consider that to be a "Natural" way of getting pregnant. The primal, natural way that has been used used for Thousands of years, is just plain up Sex...

Once again, in no way am I condemning it...

[Kate Monster]

I agree with Chloe. I'd say you're 100% virginal until you participate in oral, anal, or...er...hand (?) sex. Then you're not not a virgin, but I wouldn't be the first to volunteer you as a virgin sacrifice. Or as a nun (Good thing...?).

[Cathal (billythehick)]

I think the correct term for hand-sex would be manal sex. manus is hand same way anus is... anus.