Group Therapy

[Pilár]

So, discussions like this have definitely been started before. However, I don't want to rehash them as they're strangely titled and difficult to search for.

Vent, ask for help, say something, say anything, offer advice, do what you will.

Try and keep negativity at bay and be understanding when offering advice even if someone seems stupid or naive or ridiculous

commence, don't be shy. I'll start with my own post below.

[XOX]

Get rid of toxin friendship.

Make new friends. Your trust level decrease with each broken promise, betray and disappointment. Dump your friend before you turn cynical.

[Katherine]

Too late for me to not become cynical. Three years of a bitter influence and a less-than-optimal living situation kind of suck.

I have plenty of friends at my school. But she was the one person I clicked with as an awkward, private-to-public transfer student in 7th grade. I thought our friendship was really close. Some days it was, I think. But the fact that a person I loved decided our friendship was worth shit to her is still a sore spot.

Anyway, I'm slowly feeling better. That is what I am counting, now. The more months I am away from the nights spent terrorized by wasted empathy and effort, the better. It's just that I cannot deny the fact that it hurt so bad. It is a part of me, now. I can accept that. I just hope other people can understand that?

[Pilár]

I feel for you, I understand your anger, but what did your friend really do?

I ask because you are implying that she created fake people that she talked about as if they were real.

A year is a long time, obviously there is much more going on that just one or a couple of things, but if this is the case, maybe you should stop and consider the insecurities and just plain fuckedupedness that has led her to create these people.

That said, I'm glad you found a place to vent.

WAIT! stalker story. LADY. Stalker folk. I totally feel ya. I had this one guy. Creepiest fuck ever.

[Katherine]

Well, she lied to me for 3 years. It was all very, very complicated. The way I wanted to trust her, the way her temper would turn when I was like "Hey, you want to talk about your mental health?" Between switching schools (life-changing move, no lie) and the turbulence at home (asshat of a father figure, to keep this brief) everything came together then fell apart spectacularly. She made up two people who her family even acted like they were real and she went so far as to impersonate them on comments on a random blog I wrote. That didn't help me, in my naive state, realize how effed up she is.
I'm just kind of waiting to see how tomorrow goes. Tomorrow will be the day that marks 1 year since the last message she sent related to the problem. A few months later, she sent an incoherent mess ending in "You were right about me." And then went psycho-by-text one day a few months later. She has a habit of digging at wounds like that. I cannot imagine tomorrow being different.
This is all TMI. Crap, we're all a bit effed up, right?

It's just so weird. I shut myself away from this kind of attention, in general, a while ago. The instance of a stalker is just...fuck. It's CREEPY. No other word for it.

However, I'm putting myself through my recovery program: watching Chicago for the God-knows-what time. Who knew a musical about evading the law would be so conductive to meditation?

[Pilár]

I think your friend needs some serious help. I feel bad for her.

But you stuck with her for as long as you could. You did more than what was required and I think that's admirable. You didn't ask for the responsibility of rehabbing her insanity and you don't have to take it. It's too much.

So yeah, don't feel bad, not that you do, about it all. I think a few years down the line, maybe you'll restart a friendship and it'll be much better.

[Katherine]

I think she needs help, too.
People are confusing. Complexity is unique. Maybe one day she'll be happy with her life. Maybe I'll learn to embrace this new facet. Maybe everyone will be a little more "well" than "fine."
Thank you for letting me rant.

[Katherine]

In retrospect, this post makes no sense. If anyone is wondering, we were friends for like 3.5 years and attend different high schools.

On another note, did this week happen? Did it, really? Oh, how time flies when you waste it.

[Robin]

My dad loves to tell me that I'm fat and lazy and that I won't get anywhere in life if I spend all my time on the computer. He also tells me to get a life and some friends.
That's not a good thing to tell your fourteen-year-old daughter whose self-esteem is already quite low most of the time.
I am on the computer a lot, but it's how I communicate.
I mean, I know it's not true... I dance for at least seven hours a week, I sing in choir out of school, I get straight A's, I'm healthy, I never get in trouble, and I'm happy most of the time. But, no, he still likes to tell me to "Get the f*** off that chair and do something with your life" constantly. I can't stand it. Especially when I see him sitting for hours on end in front of the TV doing absolutely nothing.

Oh, and he also judges everything I do. He judges the music I listen to, the TV shows I watch. Everything. He was asking me what I did on Sunday and I said, "Oh, I was watching the America's Best Dance Crew marathon on Much Music." and he goes "THAT CRAP? Robin, watch something useful for once."
Or, I'll be listening to, I don't know, Dir en Grey, and he'll come in and say "This music will make you stupid. Turn it off."

It's infuriating.

[/rant]

[XOX]

Sorry to hear that.

Is there any place that you could hang out with internet connection? I would rather sit in the library wth my computer than being yelled at.

[Katherine]

All I can say is that some dads just don't comprehend parenting. Maybe you could ask him for suggestions of what he wants you to be doing? Maybe he has some secret ambitions for you that he does not know how to verbalize.
Or, if he's a lost cause, things will get easier to hear and ignore with patience and time. I promise you that.
Also, you are amazingly ambitious. Dance, choir, great grades, and no trouble? Standing ovation for you, m'dear.

[Bethany]

Is there a place you can escape to (i.e. a friends house, a church, even though I don't know you well enough to know whether or not you're religious)? What about your mom;can you talk to her or at least use her to let your feelings out? If he can't see how bright and motivated you are, screw him. I've never been in this situation before, so I don't know if tuning him out will make any difference, but give it a shot. Try to be content with the fact that not very many people could pull off being so multi-talented and bearing a father like that without absolutely cracking. And in four years, you can move out, listen to whatever you want, watch whatever you want, and get on the computer whenever you please :)

[Pilár]

I feel like, for the past few months, my friends and I have been living in the calm before the storm but we didn't realize it until the winds started to pick up.

All of a sudden, everyones lying to cover up something. They're all losing weight and no one's eating. Drugs are getting spiked with heroin and meth, but no one knows it until 3 months down the line. Everyone's broke because all their money's been spent on drugs and cigarettes. There was a gunshot in the park the other day. Street corners look like good resting spots. It's a good idea to go out in the rain wearing shorts and a tshirt. No one notices the cold. It's a regular occurrence to find yourself walking in and out of consciousness or to rely on a friend to keep walking or to hope that someone finds you before you fall asleep on a house's stoop.

But here's the thing.

All this is happening, and no one seems to care. Everyone's fine. No one's emotional. No one's crying. No one's concerned. No one seems to care. Scratch that, we all care, but no one knows how to show it. It's so much easier to shrug. We all show up to school, so I guess we're being responsible about this. Our grades are passing. As long as you keep that in line, it's okay, right?

The world went and died and no one told me.

The way I see it is that we're all getting set to move away and become different people and school ourselves in various fields. I guess this is coping. It doesn't feel that way. It doesn't feel wrong, though. It doesn't feel like anything.

This is going to blow up soon, I can feel it. I don't know what I'll do, but it's not going to be fun or good or happy, it's going to be terrible. I just feel like I'm running in circles with my emotions all the time. Just when I think it's fine, it's not. I can never trust myself, ever.

The other day in math class, I was just staring at my paper in silence. We had switched seats and no one else was sitting with me. My teacher started bothering me to do something. I looked at my handout. The title said, "Do You Ever Feel Like You're Going in Circles?" In hindsight, this is a very ironic, pretty amusing FML moment, but at the time, it was enough that I just stood up and walked out of class. I had to.

All things considered, it could be much worse. I think about the fetid state I was in this past school year, I compare it to the present day, and I realize it's not so bad. We shall overcome? Meh, I'm not so sure.

/end word vomit.

sigh.