How does this sound?
So I have a friend who recently plucked up the courage to tell her crush that she really liked him, only to be rejected. I'm so proud of her for confessing her feelings to him, but she's pretty broken up about it and is having a bit of a rough time getting over him. I wasn't sure what to say to her in person, so I wrote it down in letter form. Tell me if it sounds too harsh:
"Dearest D.
So I read your email that you sent me, and decided to write you a response. It's probably one of the most difficult letters I've written (Seriously, I killed so many trees revising this, I'm such a bad girl!) but please bear with me and think about what I'm saying.
(*Stands up on soap-box and clears throat*)
I am so sorry you are going though such a difficult time. Rejection is never an easy pill to swallow. I thought really long and hard about what o tsay to you to make this easier on you, but came up blank. I think the only thing I have to give you that would be of any help is some blunt advice, and I mean it in the most helpful, loving way possible. Call it "tough love" if you will.
You said in your email that, "I think part of me thought: if I like M this much, if my feelings are this intense, then he must like me a little because love is supposed to be mutual." I think the kind of affection you are experiencing is a typical case of unrequited love. And I want you to ask yourself this... Are your feelings for M really love? Please don't think for an instant that I'm trying to minimalize your feelings, because I know they are real. Call me a kill-joy if you want but to me, loce is something that's supposed to come gradually and grow over time, when you get to know a person. Despite what Disney says (Disney LIES! They is tricksey and false!) I do not believe it is possible to love (At least not in the romantic sense of the word) unless you really, truly, know them. How well do you really know M? I mean really know the essence that is M? How well does he know you, and the essence that is D? (obviously not very well, cause he'd have to be CRAZY if he knew what he was passing up!) From what you wrote, it seems like perhaps you are in love with the IDEA of M, rather than M the person. This, I do understand, believe me I do. Because I went through a similar experience with a lad in my chemistry class last year. I was completely infatuated with the guy, and I felt so pathetic and miserable about it until I realized that I did not know him, and that I was only in love with the idea of a romantic relationship and for some reason, my brain (or my hormones) picked HIS face to be the poster-child for my romantic desires. I've recently gotten to know said chap better this year, and I can honestly say now that I am glad I am over him because he is not the type of man I want to be involved with.
Again, don't despair mon amie. I'm sorry things did not turn out the way you had hoped, truly I am. It was a crappy experience, but take what you learned from it and grow stronger. I also want to remind you that you are an amazing, intelligent, beautiful young woman with a good heart and I am so blessed to have you as my friend. Soemday, you will meet that one lucky fellow who will see in you all of the same things we (your family, friends and I) all see in you. The poor sap will never know what hit him!
Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now, but just remember that you are loved and that you can call me any time you want, even if it's 3am on a school night cause I'll always be there for you (even though I'm not promising I will be leucid at 3am, haha...)
Lurve you lots,
S"
"Dearest D.
So I read your email that you sent me, and decided to write you a response. It's probably one of the most difficult letters I've written (Seriously, I killed so many trees revising this, I'm such a bad girl!) but please bear with me and think about what I'm saying.
(*Stands up on soap-box and clears throat*)
I am so sorry you are going though such a difficult time. Rejection is never an easy pill to swallow. I thought really long and hard about what o tsay to you to make this easier on you, but came up blank. I think the only thing I have to give you that would be of any help is some blunt advice, and I mean it in the most helpful, loving way possible. Call it "tough love" if you will.
You said in your email that, "I think part of me thought: if I like M this much, if my feelings are this intense, then he must like me a little because love is supposed to be mutual." I think the kind of affection you are experiencing is a typical case of unrequited love. And I want you to ask yourself this... Are your feelings for M really love? Please don't think for an instant that I'm trying to minimalize your feelings, because I know they are real. Call me a kill-joy if you want but to me, loce is something that's supposed to come gradually and grow over time, when you get to know a person. Despite what Disney says (Disney LIES! They is tricksey and false!) I do not believe it is possible to love (At least not in the romantic sense of the word) unless you really, truly, know them. How well do you really know M? I mean really know the essence that is M? How well does he know you, and the essence that is D? (obviously not very well, cause he'd have to be CRAZY if he knew what he was passing up!) From what you wrote, it seems like perhaps you are in love with the IDEA of M, rather than M the person. This, I do understand, believe me I do. Because I went through a similar experience with a lad in my chemistry class last year. I was completely infatuated with the guy, and I felt so pathetic and miserable about it until I realized that I did not know him, and that I was only in love with the idea of a romantic relationship and for some reason, my brain (or my hormones) picked HIS face to be the poster-child for my romantic desires. I've recently gotten to know said chap better this year, and I can honestly say now that I am glad I am over him because he is not the type of man I want to be involved with.
Again, don't despair mon amie. I'm sorry things did not turn out the way you had hoped, truly I am. It was a crappy experience, but take what you learned from it and grow stronger. I also want to remind you that you are an amazing, intelligent, beautiful young woman with a good heart and I am so blessed to have you as my friend. Soemday, you will meet that one lucky fellow who will see in you all of the same things we (your family, friends and I) all see in you. The poor sap will never know what hit him!
Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now, but just remember that you are loved and that you can call me any time you want, even if it's 3am on a school night cause I'll always be there for you (even though I'm not promising I will be leucid at 3am, haha...)
Lurve you lots,
S"
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Permalink Reply by Bryan Scott on -
It's perfect... I recently had to help a friend through a death of a close friend of hers. This reminds me (somehow, don't ask me why) of what I really wanted to say to her. The trees understand. Trust me. They are trees well spent.
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