How to talk to real people

[Samantha Bean]

Okay, I'm relatively certain that I am not the only person that has this particular problem, so I feel pretty safe posting this here. I am terribly shy, almost to point of total social retardation. I have no idea what to say to people, and the thought of talking to strangers, quite frankly, terrifies me. Now, I'm going to be a freshman in college this fall, and, because of this, I feel that my problem could be...well, a problem. I have to share an apartment-type dorm with four or five other girls, so I'm thinking now is a perfect time to get some advice. If anyone has any, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it.

[Ultimate Schnitzel]

hehe with my advice you'll likely be needing a new thread on how to talk to your fellow inmates XD

[Samantha Bean]

Haha, well that's a good skill to have. Those are the people you REALLY want to be nice to =P

[Ultimate Schnitzel]

or else "hey new girl, why... so... SERIOUS?? *facefloor*" i would feel so guilty :(

[Jennie Salter]

My advice for meeting new people (especially at university or, "college" as you guys from over the pond call it!):

- If you're nervous, concentrate on making the other person/people feel as comfortable and easy as possible. This way you forget about yourself because you are focused on them. How do you make them feel comfortable? Smile, nod, make eye contact, compliment them, say "I know what you mean".

- Have some conversation starters remembered such as:
Have you joined any clubs/societies? (NB JOIN A SOCIETY!!!)
Did you ever watch Sesame Street (yup, that's the only US kids show I know!)? Do you remember Grover? (for example - reminiscing about kids programmes you used to watch is good because it's something nearly everyone has in common, and has an opinion about!)
Have you seen the new Harry Potter film? (Even people made of tissues and organs and stuff will probably have seen it, and you'll be able to scope out those made of awesome pretty fast!)

Remember - it's more important to appear interested than interesting!

Hope that helps, feel free to PM me if you want any more advice, I've got an awful lot of pre-uni therapy under my belt and I'd love to spread what I learnt!

[Samantha Bean]

Ha, Sesame Street! I love that show! =P But that's great advice, thank you so much! And yeah, I'll definitely have to ask about Harry Potter, because if they say no, I'm not sure I can live with them. =P Just kidding =D

[Cazathrin]

Okay, well, talking to real people. What you could start with is, "Hi. My name is ___________. I like _____, _______, and __________. What's your name?"

It can be weird meeting new people, I know that -- I had to make do with a completely new class recently -- and it can be really intimidating, but it needs to be moved past. It will be hard, but if you are persistent, you should be able to make friends really quickly. And who wouldn't want to be friends with another Nerdfighter? ^__^ Good luck!

[Fem-Nerd]

I had this problem once. College helped me get out of it because I met Noah who happened to bring out a MUCH more outgoing version of me. Everytime I was in a conversation without him I just imagined he was there. I know it sounds simple and I don't know if this'll help you at all, but having someone in mind that brought out the side of me that I wanted brought out really made a difference for me.

I hope that did help somewhat (:

[flitwicks_choirgirl]

If your at a total loss, just go for the obvious, ask people what they're studying. and how they're feeling about it. express how nervous you are and the like. Also, just going, 'want to go exploring' or 'want to go for a walk' (same thing) to your room mates, you'll see things and it's a nice bonding experience. and you have something to do so your not just standing their awkwardly. movies and TV are good too.

and my favourite technique (one wallflower to another), when entering a conversation, the old "what's all this about?" with a smile, and then people will explain and then you feel kind of included in the convo.

[Migdala Vered]

Just talk to people.
Yesterday I was shopping at a clothing store and it was pretty packed. You could hardly move without awkwardly getting in the way of someone's shopping experience. So I just made conversation. "Hey, may I pass through? A pair of shoes just caught my eye... Oh, darn. They aren't my size. What size are you? They're pretty cute. I'd like see them go to a good home!" (Other person's response was omitted. They were nice though!)

A little while later, I had to trade places with a woman, and while we were switching, we struck up a conversation. I told her I shouldn't have come shopping, I was looking for brown pants but had an armload of shirts. She was telling me how she had come in for something else, too, but didn't find it. It was her first time in the store and she was asking me questions about it. I have no idea who she was, I'll probably never see her again. So I didn't have to feel embarrassed about anything.

I used to be shy, but whenever I began working as a sales associate at a clothing store, I found out very quickly how important it is to chat with others. You get to learn some amazing stuff about people, you can inspire them. You're already doing well, you were able to post this to a bunch of strangers. Try to start up a convo with your next cashier. Ask them what their favourite candy bar is, and buy it for them at the end of your purchase. :)

[Number8]

I'm the same way. The most succesful conversations I've had were when I've asked people questions about themselves.

[Sophie]

Hi! I love that/your [insert something they are wearing or carrying or reading]! Where did you get it?
(Let them answer)
Awesome. I'm [your name], by the way. (hand sake/high five/some other physical greeting)
continue



:) It works. I promise.

[Samantha]

Thank you guys for your advice and for this discussion! I am also entering college this fall and I'm very anxious about trying to meet new people. I just wanted to ask, because I often have this problem, what to you do if you say something as a way to break the ice and the other person doesn't respond or else replies with a simple answer, ending the conversation. I don't want to keep talking all by myself, that would be even more awkward.