Is Being Gay a Choice?

[E_Lewis]

You already know what most people will say.

Far right: Yes. It is a difficult choice, but can be overcome. There are bad things to being gay, but some people live with it the way geeks live with ridicule because of their strangeness that they could change.

 

Far left: No. You can't choose who you fall in love with. You're just born that way. Why would someone choose to be teased, rejected and alienated by society and their loved ones?

 

Well, to be fair to the right, some people, like geeks or weirdos, don't care about being teased or bullied or rejected because of the things they like. Even straight couples are willing to be teased or rejected because of their choice of a partner, but it's for love, right? Then again, is there really such a thing as true love at all?

Maybe it's just physical. Let's be honest, being gay or straight depends mostly on sex. If you fall in love with someone online then find out their not th gender you like, you probably wouldn't want to be with them the same way you did before.

For all we know, we do choose who we fall in love with. We make decisions about how to interperet our feelings, how to react to a person's actions or thoughts, when judging something they do or believe in, those are all little choices. Bu are they really what make us fall in love with people?

 

But it's true, if you want to love someone, why make it someone you're family or friends would reject you for? Why pick someone you can't have kids with or marry?(If that's what you want)

 

In Chrsitianity, the Bible says at least three times that being gay is wrong. But the only reason it would be wrong is if it's a choice, because sin is about disobeying God's will and rejecting the truth of his law and words. You can really only go against God's law by choosing to reject or go against it, like choosing to steal or choosing to ignore Jesus once you've heard the truth, or choosing not to even try to be a better person. So how can something be a sin if you don't choose to do it? (please no religious bashing from any sides in this discussion) Many christians who don't support being gay say that it's a hard thing to overcome but can be done, but how many gay people do they know that have actually stayed celibate or gone straight?

 

Main questions wiht this issue: Is it a choice? Can you choose who you fall in love with? Why or why not?  If it is a choice, why would you choose to be gay at all?

EDIT: If you have anything directed specifically at me, the one posting this, I'm not going to read it. The discussion is mainly for other people who wanted to discuss it, and I lost track of the comments months ago anyway.

[Vertigo_One [Ops Mod]]

Personally, I am bisexual. I find guys more physically attractive, yet I cannot fathom a permanent sexual relationship (or any kind of sexual relationship) with a man.

Is it not possible that there are other reasons for that? Sexual orientation seems a very complex answer to that question for what could be a very simple issue.

[Sean M. Pearce]

I say I'm gay as a kind of shorthand. I think of myself as a 'chap who prefers other chaps,' as I do (hippy bit coming in here) view sexuality as a spectrum, not a linear distinction between absolutes. 

Now, when it comes to whether or not I chose to be gay I answer: yes but no. 

To explain: 

What I did not choose; sexual and romantic attraction towards other men.

What I did and do choose; to accept and act on the attraction.

Why did I choose this? Because I wanted to be happy, and could see no rational reason why I shouldn't act on this attraction that I feel. It harms no one, it brings me pleasure. Therefore, I can see no reason why I should not.

That isn't to say that I have been wholly happy with who I am, but, then again, who is? 

I used to want to be straight, I even prayed to that effect before I lost faith in organised religion. These days I realise that wanting to be straight when one is not is, essentially, wrong because one is therefore tacitly implying that it is wrong to be homosexual, and furthermore one is falling into 'despair' as Kierkegaard defines it: not wanting to be yourself. 

If I could pick my attractions, I'd probably pick bisexuality for the increase of options. 

I am not happy, I rarely am happy, but the important thing is I am being authentic (of a sort!) and that I am not unhappy either.

[Emmanuel C]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has thought this before :)

[Yasmin]

No being gay is not always a choice. There are 2 hormones responsible for the feelings of love and affection. People have no control over these emotions. Just like you can't control any other emotion. You cant help but feel sad or depressed no matter how hard you try to ignor it it's always there. So in a way, you have no control over who you will have these emotions for. Even if being gay is a choice then it's a choice bases on the feelings and emotions the person has towards others of the same sex. 

[Vertigo_One [Ops Mod]]

No being gay is not always a choice. There are 2 hormones responsible for the feelings of love and affection.

 

Proof bitte?

People have no control over these emotions. Just like you can't control any other emotion.

 

That's absolutely absurd. If we have no control over any emotion, how can people ever be tried for any crime "I had to your honour, I felt the emotional need to and couldn't control it"

No being gay is not always a choice. There are 2 hormones responsible for the feelings of love and affection.

 

Proof bitte?

People have no control over these emotions. Just like you can't control any other emotion.

 

That's absolutely absurd. If we have no control over any emotion, how can people ever be tried for any crime "I had to your honour, I felt the emotional need to and couldn't control it"

[Hutch Hogan]

Yasmin is correct in some ways and incorrect for others. 

There are 6 hormones involved in feelings of affection/attraction:

Adrenaline, dopamine, phenylethylamine, oxytocin, vasopressin and endorphin. 

The release of the drugs are response to stimuli and are not actively controlled. 

So the attraction itself is reasonably not controlled. 

Acting on the attraction is controlled. 

The problem here is, once again, defining terms. 

[Vertigo_One [Ops Mod]]

The release of the drugs are response to stimuli and are not actively controlled. 

So the attraction itself is reasonably not controlled.

I'd dispute that. A long while ago I'd feel a significant degree of attraction and pay considerable attention to several women I might walk past on a university campus. Increasingly however, I realised such behaviour is objectifying and unpleasnt. Now although I can appreciate a woman being attractive, I no longer feel the same kinds of feelings I used to. I would submit therefore, that I am in control of said emotions.

[David N]

That's absolutely absurd. If we have no control over any emotion, how can people ever be tried for any crime "I had to your honour, I felt the emotional need to and couldn't control it"

I agree that emotions can be, to a degree, involuntary. You do exercise a certain degree of control over your emotions, but I don't think this extends to sexual orientation. You do, however, control entirely whether or not you act upon these emotions, as you are pointing out.

[Yasmin]

You can't control feeling the emotion, but you can decide what to based on this emotion. Just like how you can't stop feeling affection towards someone of the same sex, but you can decide how you're going to act on these emotions. Just because you're gay doesn't mean that you're forced to start dating. If a criminal felt an emotion that's not their fault. If they killed someone because of this emotion then that is a choice that they made. There are other ways to deal with this emotion other that murder.

[Abreo]

You can control your emotions, it's ridiculous to suggest you can't. As long as your body is able to properly produce hormones you can control your emotions. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to calm yourself down if you became hysterical or angry or overly excited. You also wouldn't be able to be a good actor because good actors can make themselves feel the same emotions their characters are supposed to be feeling. If you have no control over your emotions is due to a lack of practice, and after you've been alive for a certain amount of time it kind of becomes your fault if you haven't tried to control you emotions before.

[Yasmin]

Yes you can control the emotions you feel, but you can't control weather you feel them or not. For example, if a friend or a loved one passed away you can't control weather you feel sad or not. But you can control weather you are feeling unreasonably sad or depressed. If you had 100% control over your emotions then no one would feel sad, hurt, depressed, etc. Because then you could simply decide not to feel something and you wouldn't. But it's not that simple, if you feel affection towards people of the same gender you can't just wake up one day and decide you're not going to like them anymore. Because that's not how our emotions work. You can however keep your affection under control and not let it get in the way of your life or friendships.

[Vertigo_One [Ops Mod]]

if you feel affection towards people of the same gender you can't just wake up one day and decide you're not going to like them anymore.

Question, if that's true, how would you explain the people who have done this? IE the people who claim to no longer have homosexual feelings after training themselves mentally etc. While it is not as simple as "waking up one day" etc, these people have done it. So I submit that your premise is fundimentally flawed.