Is Being Gay a Choice?

[E_Lewis]

You already know what most people will say.

Far right: Yes. It is a difficult choice, but can be overcome. There are bad things to being gay, but some people live with it the way geeks live with ridicule because of their strangeness that they could change.

 

Far left: No. You can't choose who you fall in love with. You're just born that way. Why would someone choose to be teased, rejected and alienated by society and their loved ones?

 

Well, to be fair to the right, some people, like geeks or weirdos, don't care about being teased or bullied or rejected because of the things they like. Even straight couples are willing to be teased or rejected because of their choice of a partner, but it's for love, right? Then again, is there really such a thing as true love at all?

Maybe it's just physical. Let's be honest, being gay or straight depends mostly on sex. If you fall in love with someone online then find out their not th gender you like, you probably wouldn't want to be with them the same way you did before.

For all we know, we do choose who we fall in love with. We make decisions about how to interperet our feelings, how to react to a person's actions or thoughts, when judging something they do or believe in, those are all little choices. Bu are they really what make us fall in love with people?

 

But it's true, if you want to love someone, why make it someone you're family or friends would reject you for? Why pick someone you can't have kids with or marry?(If that's what you want)

 

In Chrsitianity, the Bible says at least three times that being gay is wrong. But the only reason it would be wrong is if it's a choice, because sin is about disobeying God's will and rejecting the truth of his law and words. You can really only go against God's law by choosing to reject or go against it, like choosing to steal or choosing to ignore Jesus once you've heard the truth, or choosing not to even try to be a better person. So how can something be a sin if you don't choose to do it? (please no religious bashing from any sides in this discussion) Many christians who don't support being gay say that it's a hard thing to overcome but can be done, but how many gay people do they know that have actually stayed celibate or gone straight?

 

Main questions wiht this issue: Is it a choice? Can you choose who you fall in love with? Why or why not?  If it is a choice, why would you choose to be gay at all?

EDIT: If you have anything directed specifically at me, the one posting this, I'm not going to read it. The discussion is mainly for other people who wanted to discuss it, and I lost track of the comments months ago anyway.

[Vertigo_One [Ops Mod]]

That is a much bolder statement than I would believe that any psychologist would make.

Let me put it this way, every time you see an attractive woman, are you fully aware of all the reasons why she is attractive to you? Are you conscious of all of those things? Of course not.

[Hutch Hogan]

But does that constitute a choice.  I would say no. 

[Vertigo_One [Ops Mod]]

Given that I personally can attest to having changed my reactions in such circumstances, though self control in part, and circumstance in another, I would say that there is a very strong degree of choice involved.

[Hutch Hogan]

The APA argues otherwise (source provided in the response to nom's post). 

[Vertigo_One [Ops Mod]]

Then the APA is wrong. I'm sorry, but I've made decisions that have become unconsious choices. There are plenty of unconsious choices I know myself to make, with nought more than a little reflection on the issue, in a very simmilar way to how Abero described it.

[Hutch Hogan]

The APA isn't wrong because of your experience. 

If your grandfather smoked 10 cartons of cigarettes a day and still lived to be 124 years old, that doesn't mean that cigarettes are healthy and it doesn't mean that cigarettes don't shorten your life. 

[David N]

There are plenty of unconsious choices I know myself to make

"Unconscious mind: that part of the mind wherein psychic activity takes place of which the person is unaware" - Princeton

There is a clear contradiction here.

[David N]

Given that I personally can attest to having changed my reactions in such circumstances, though self control in part, and circumstance in another, I would say that there is a very strong degree of choice involved.

Fallacial. The fact that you chose to become attracted to a woman does not extend this to all others. I can meanwhile attest that I do not choose to have feelings for someone. Often attraction comes randomly, towards people I had previously not cared about.

[Vertigo_One [Ops Mod]]

If the APA says that subconscious choice is impossible (which, as far as I can see, you've not provided proof for) I have proven them wrong by my own experience where I can attest to having made subconscious choices.

[Hutch Hogan]

They haven't said anything about subconscious choice.  They've said that little to no choice is invoked over sexuality.  Different claims. 

And once again, you cannot disprove this through merely your experience.  Best case scenario you're an outlier. Congratulations. 

[Vertigo_One [Ops Mod]]

If they cannot comment on the existence of subconscious choice, how can they comment on whether or not there is choice involved in homosexuality.

[Hutch Hogan]

Because you apparently didn't do me the justice of reading my source as I had read your source on Paul:

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/sexual-orientation.aspx