Looking for a Specific Monologue from an Obscure Play

[Neiloy Mukerjee]

A few years ago, I learned and practiced a monologue that a former teacher had recommended to me as a performance piece. Recently (within the past couple of weeks), I've been re-exploring this habit, and I've been trying to rebuild my old repertoire. However, this one piece seems determined to elude me, so I thought I might draw on the collective capabilities of Nerdfighteria to help me look for it. I don't remember much, but I'll give you all I do (and don't) know. If anyone thinks they know of the play or the monologue I'm describing, please let me know.

What I Know:

1. The Premise: There's someone (an insurance personnel, or something to that effect) speaking to a crowd of people about strategy for their town following a nuclear assault. He observes that if the assault is directly on the town, then the problem takes care of itself, since everyone would be killed instantly. He points out, however, that if the assault should be on some other town, then the problem arises of hordes of radioactive masses of people coming to the town in search of care or safety, and these people should be steered away.
2. Phrases and Words I (Somewhat) Recall: The phrase "following a nuclear assault" is almost definitely in the text of this monologue. Additionally, the speaker does mention "improved directional signs" and (I'm not as sure about this one) "complimentary road maps" when talking about how to get rid of the radioactive mob. 
3. The Tone: The monologue is definitely supposed to have a comic tone to it, using irony to communicate a message.
   
4. Anything from Outside the Monologue Itself: The speaker is referred to something along the lines of "The Man in the Air Raid Hat" in the play.

What I Definitely Don't Know and Can't Really Guess On:

1. The name of the play has thoroughly escaped me.
   
2. So has the name of the playwright. 
3. So has pretty much anything else about the play. I know, this is getting discouraging.
   

I'm not sure how much to expect here, since this seems like it's a battle between an overwhelming lack of information and an astounding ability to work with limited resources, but if there's a group that can manage this, it has to be the nerdfighters. Let me know if any of the above sounds familiar to you!