Marriage

[Midnight]

I'm sure many of you have heard about the divorce rate for marriages being about 50% in the US. That got me thinking... What makes a marriage work? Can any two people, no matter how different or alike, stay together if they really tried? And also, what are your thoughts when you hear this statistic? Does it make sense? Shock you?

Let me know your thoughts. I'm interested on hearing them.

[Brittany]

I come from a long line of divorces. Each of my grandmothers have had 2 divorces. And my mother has had only 1 in the past. It was a short marriage that she quickly got out of for very good reasons. She has been with my dad for nearly 20 years and has had my three younger sisters and myself. Now as much as I would like to say "and they lived happily ever after," I can't. Because they're not happy. At all. And it's hard to expect parents or any adult to be happy these days with all the stresses of the world now riding down on the individual's back.

What I think works is communication. Hearing adults accuse one another of infidelity or hiding away money are just results of insecurity. This insecurity arises from a lack of knowledge. And DUH the lack of knowledge arises from YOU NOT TAKING THE TIME TO TALK!

If we don't learn to talk, and really listen as well, then there's no point in being in a marriage at all. I mean that's just basic logic. You begin a relationship talking about anything and everything to discover each other. You later talk when out and about or to vent after a long day of work. But when the communication ends, the trust ends, and so does the marriage.

That's just my view. Great post!

[Mel]

My parents were married 52 years. My mom said the secret was communication. My dad said a sense of humor. They were commited, divorce was never an option, but they were happy and they loved each other and were best friends too.

I've been married 23 years, we were both a few years out of college and full grown I suppose. Our immediate attraction was physical, chemical or impulsive, as we are complete opposites in most ways. But we share a similar sense of humor, work ethic and geek curiousity that keeps us best friends and each other's biggest fan. Things get rougher when you throw kids and work and midlife into the mix, but we both believe that love, honesty, communication and understanding are going to get us to our 50th anniversary as well.

I know there's all kinds of marriages and problems and argurments for divorce, but in my corner of suburbia, I see a lot of drinking and cheating and selfish immaturity breaking up families, so it's not about the marriage, but the immaturity of the people involved. It takes work to make any relationship work, I think.

I heard on tv that more shocking than the US divorce rate is the fact that we remarry 3 times more often than other industrialized nations. Why do you think that is? Maybe people are afraid to be lonely.......

[Gabrielle]

Three times?! Yeesh, that's ridiculous...

[Trick]

I'm not getting married because the idea just doesn't appeal, somehow. In part I simply wouldn't trust myself to not get bored of someone, however much I thought I loved them to start with. I'm not a great believer in staying with one person for life, either. Guess I lost my romantic streak.

[Ryan]

I think some of it has to do with people getting married solely out of a feeling of obligation, often because of an unexpected pregnancy, or the simple fact that they've been with someone so long that they don't feel they'll ever find anyone else.

Also, our society paints marriage as something that you don't need to take very seriously because you can always just get a divorce. If you go into a relationship with the preconception that you'll probably fail at it, and with the attitude that failing won't have any serious consequences, you're not going to work very hard to keep the relationship together.

[Ryan]

I also think apathy plays a role in it too. Some people get to a point in the relationship where they just don't care anymore.

[Trebor]

Then it's not really a relationship, is it?

[Ryan]

It's still a relationship, just not a very good one.

[Trebor]

Eh, I think in order to have a relationship you need to have some emotion for the other person. Otherwise, you're just two people standing next to each other. You may as well not know them.

[Gabrielle]

I actually really like that image. It's fitting.

[Leanne]

Either that, or you're in a political marriage or betrothal. (see: Ferdinand and Isabella)