More guy problems.
Sorry to bother you guys with my guy problems but I need some good, intelligent advice.
I am a 20 year old woman entering my third year in college and my romantic experience is virtually amoebic. I have never been in a relationship, I have never had a date, hell I've never even been kissed. For some reason people seem to be surprised by this but if they knew me in high school they would understand (I used to have horrible social anxiety and couldn't even talk to a boy without being physically sick, even if I didn't like-like him but I'm over it now). Having gone through my entire teenage life relationship-less, I have had a lot of time to think about what I want out of one so it's been a good thing in the longrun.
This past year, I've met this guy who and we've been friends for a while but recently I've come to discover that he really likes me. I kind of like him back, but after getting to know him better I know that we, especially our ideas about relationships, are polar opposites and not in the "we complete each other" kind of way. I've never dated, my idea of a relationship is extremely conservative, and I am interested only in casual dating right now. He's dated a lot of girls, his idea of a relationship is not conservative at all and he's looking for a serious relationship. He likes to get drunk almost every night and party, and I could think of one hundred things I would rather do than get drunk (and hauling his sorry, wasted arse all over the place like Quentin did after prom is not one of them). He's reckless and has a temper and I'm passive and practical to a fault. My biggest concern is that he has cheated on a girlfriend before and while I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt, I don't want that to happen to me.
The thing is, I really do enjoy hanging out with him (when he's not drunk), because he's really funny and witty and probably the most interesting person I've ever met. But I just can't see a romantic relationship with him going anywhere but ending in tears. I'd rather just keep him as a good friend but I don't want to hurt him and loose his friendship. What should I do?
I am a 20 year old woman entering my third year in college and my romantic experience is virtually amoebic. I have never been in a relationship, I have never had a date, hell I've never even been kissed. For some reason people seem to be surprised by this but if they knew me in high school they would understand (I used to have horrible social anxiety and couldn't even talk to a boy without being physically sick, even if I didn't like-like him but I'm over it now). Having gone through my entire teenage life relationship-less, I have had a lot of time to think about what I want out of one so it's been a good thing in the longrun.
This past year, I've met this guy who and we've been friends for a while but recently I've come to discover that he really likes me. I kind of like him back, but after getting to know him better I know that we, especially our ideas about relationships, are polar opposites and not in the "we complete each other" kind of way. I've never dated, my idea of a relationship is extremely conservative, and I am interested only in casual dating right now. He's dated a lot of girls, his idea of a relationship is not conservative at all and he's looking for a serious relationship. He likes to get drunk almost every night and party, and I could think of one hundred things I would rather do than get drunk (and hauling his sorry, wasted arse all over the place like Quentin did after prom is not one of them). He's reckless and has a temper and I'm passive and practical to a fault. My biggest concern is that he has cheated on a girlfriend before and while I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt, I don't want that to happen to me.
The thing is, I really do enjoy hanging out with him (when he's not drunk), because he's really funny and witty and probably the most interesting person I've ever met. But I just can't see a romantic relationship with him going anywhere but ending in tears. I'd rather just keep him as a good friend but I don't want to hurt him and loose his friendship. What should I do?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Laura on -
You should just try & remain friends. Do you think that you deserve to go out with someone who gets drunk often, has a temper, & has cheated on a girlfriend before? Or do you think that you deserve better? While he may have good qualities, he also has bad ones. It is up to you to decide what outweighs what. If you can take all of his bad things, & take a chance to see if he changes (which is rare unless a guy TOTALLY likes a girl, like really really likes a girl), then go for it. But if you believe you deserve better in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, try your best to remain friends. Hope all goes well for you.
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