Moving out = Bad descision?

[The Great Ninja Aoi-Chan]

So over the past year the Great Ninja Aoi-Chan has been living with her mother's boyfriend and children.
She trusted her mom to make the right choice, and ignored most of her silly jealous feelings for not having as much time with her mother anymore. All was happy and good with the world.
Then things went missing, and lies were spread to each of her family members.
The girls told teachers and priests false abuse happenings about Aoi and her family and stole things.
This was discussed, but went on until boyfriend and little girls moved out. It was a little sad, but Aoi found that she didn't really like him anyways and went about her merry way.
Her mother, though, kept calling the jerk and eventually he moved in again. They said the kids weren't moving.....but then they did..... and Aoi once again trusted her mom's decision.
The boyfriend's ex stalked Aoi's house and family, and dangled one of the boyfriend's kids above his head. More things went missing, more lies were spread, and Boyfriend's words started seeping deeper and deeper into mother's mind.
He left again, in pursue of the child that may not even be his. More things went missing.
Aoi was very very happy he was gone. This time, she never heard her mom speak of him again. Her grades went up, she was usually happy, and she hung out with her mother again. It was happy.
Then she came home from an anime convention to find the boyfriend had moved in again, on father's day, and that the mother had chosen him over her own family.
The summer was spent dealing with lying bratty children who took things that were not theirs, the Aoi's family paid for legal services for Boyfriend and his kids, becoming even less financially stable than before. Aoi discussed things with her mother, but they were written off as her trying to take advantage of her mother. She went on a hunger strike, she refused to socialize because she didn't trust them. She was kept from her friends, and nearly her family. (They were being seen as instigators).
After spending all that money on legal battles, they spent more to take the little girls up to their mother's, and shortly after Boyfriend left with his stuff, and some of Aoi's family's.
After Boyfriend flaunted a new wife a week or so after leaving, mother has finally started to try to be independent. But Aoi just can't forgive her mother, and feels angry and trapped in a house and a situation where she has to take care of her mother.

That is the ABRIDGED version of my past year. (There was a lot more to it. Scary, huh?)
I stayed home from school today to pack things. I've told my mother multiple times about my moving.
She never listened. So now I'm 18, I have a place but no job.
I really need advice.
I can't stay here, it's driving me mad to pretend I'm okay, when I'm secretly cursing her while she's turned away. But I'm scared I'm making the wrong decision.
I can't trust her anymore...what am I supposed to do?

[William Worrall]

I think the first thing that needs to be siad is that if you have your own place, but not your own job how are you planning on staying financially stable? You will need money for bills, food, clothes and other essentials unless you allready have all these things sorted out for you.

The other thing to say is that maybe you need to just move away for a little while, instead of moving out. It would be a bad idea to just leave without too much thought, maybe your feeling trapped because you havn't been away in a while. You should try and get away from your entire life for a while, just to get a break from everything, or your head might actually explode with stress.


And to finish I just want to say I hope that my advice was helpful, and if not I hope that you get your situation sorted out soon

[Michelle Bruder]

I say move out at least on a temporary basis. Find a friend to stay with, find a job fast, and see if you can keep your life in order while you are out of the house. if you can, which it seems like you can, stay out. Try not to harm your relationship with your mother too terribly, but you really are in a situation that calls for some extreme action, and moving out is probably the best idea.

[Kenny]

One question, is your mom willing to co-sign your college loans? Or pay for it altogether? If so, stay. Put up with a few years of bullshit now to avoid a potentially bullshit filled life.

Although if she isn't wiling to help you pay for college, move the fuck out. Get a part time job (there are better places to work at than McDonalds. Trust me, I'm making 40 bucks an hour with full benefits with no college), start going to community college, and get a credit card or two and build up credit so that you can become eligible for a student loan, then go to college full time.

[Michelle Bruder]

That's definitely stuff to keep in mind. Pretty much the primary reason I haven't moved out is because my parents are paying for my car, insurance, most of my gas, and will be paying for college next year.
If I move out I'm scared I'll lose a lot of that.
But you can really get a decent enough job to stay alive if you do move out. Try working the front of the house at restaurants, they make pretty decent money.

[The Great Ninja Aoi-Chan]

Nope.
Hell, I paid for my own permit....

Like I said below, I have a glimmer of hope for making money as a tech, even a beginning one.
I'm a senior in high school, so yeah.... ._.
But my grandparents said they would help, and I have friends that have offered to help too. Saved up as much money as I could, and all money I get now I'm going to use to keep afloat.

[Michelle Bruder]

In that case you have no reason to stay, so good decision.

[Chelsea]

ok. i know things are bad, but DON'T MOVE OUT! in this economic climate, that is NOT a good idea. get a job and save up first or you're going to end up moving right back in, or worse off.

as undesirable an idea as this is, tell your mom about what you're feeling. tell her that she's broken your trust (and HOW she's broken your trust) and that you don't feel comfortable calling that place home anymore.

while you may end up still moving out, at least you won't be hurting yourself by holding in all that rage. and who knows, people can be pretty oblivious sometimes. your mom might not know what you're feeling. and telling her might make a difference. i'm not saying it'll fix everything, but it might make things tolerable.

but whatever you do, make a safety net before you jump, ok? get a job, save some money, have a place to move into before you leave.

good luck! i hope things work out.

[The Great Ninja Aoi-Chan]

Problem is over the past year I've had multiple discussions with her about how I feel about the boyfriend, how I feel in general, and how it's gotten to the point where I want to move out. Why I wanted to move out. ETC.
She ignored all of this and completely forgot it, writing me off as a whining teen who wants her way and I was restricted even MORE. She wouldn't let me go anywhere and NEVER gave me a reason why.

I do have a glimmer of hope jobwise, I'm a technical theatre person.
I've worked on a ballet with union workers and there is a worklist for techies, so I actually COULD get a job seeing as I'm now 18.(They're all excited about me wanting to be an engineer and tell me that if I need a recommendation that I can always ask them) My grandparents have said they would help me, too. I've been saving all the money I can. (I did have to pay some of my school fees)

[The Great Ninja Aoi-Chan]

I want to thank everyone for the responses.
I didn't answer them right away, but I did read them and they helped.
Hearing other's opinions and forming my own by thinking about those opinions is how I make most of my decisions.
So really anything and everything you guys said helped me. <3

It's moving day, so wish me luck~

[Michelle Bruder]

Good Luck!
It's really great that you are strong enough to take control of your life and I really think you'll be happier like this.
I hope everything goes well and you can stay on your feet. Please keep us updated and let us know if there's anything at all we can do to help.

[Lee Nelson]

i left when i was 16 - it was a good decision - the story wasn't pretty. i came back years later to 'help the family out' it was still the same nonsense. i told them what i thought in no uncertain terms. i have not been back since. you can not change anyone. - you can but rarely in the way you would like and usually you do not realize that you did. so take care of yourself. every time i have walked out a door - i end up happier. it is your life - make of it what you want. i still do not know what is wrong with my mother - i don't care, we made our choices. my sister does care still - and it has damaged her life beyond repair

finish high school - i did - homeless with a fast food job - walking to work and school - sleeping at a friends or an alley or not at all - one cup of coffee buys a place to sit for a couple of hours

for college you need to be declared 'independent' - which is basically a form that says that says you have no support from your family - then you can get grants and loans based on your own finances - avoid the loans if possible. there may not be a job after you graduate anyway - so just keep yourself alive - do what you can

couchsurfing and craigslist can be a good way to find a place to stay - watch out for the crazies - people will try to use you. i don't even unpack for the first month. always keep some money stashed - at least $300 - don't ever tell anyone about it - go hungry before you spend it - it is freedom. don't put up with nonsense out of anyone - if they give you trouble, quietly pack up and leave, when they are not looking. if you see or even hear of hard drugs (meth, coke/crack, heroin) get out as quick as you can

get the best job you can, and if your not happy, spend your free time looking for another job

you can get a prepaid phone for $20 even at the dollar store - always keep time on it - it is not for talking - it is for business - job offers - confirming living arrangements. always keep the phone on you and charged - take your charger with you, especially if you get that feeling that 'it's about to hit the fan'

a vehicle is a real asset - it is also freedom and the same time a hindrance. i spent a lot of time in my vehicle - it was better than my alternatives and meant i could always leave - an old honda can be had for cheap and will serve you well. i can be moved out in 15 minutes or less - and it all fits in the truck - or i could leave it all

i'm sorry to hear your story - i wish there was a place for kids to go when things get bad - i know how it is - young, broke, unfamiliar with the ways of the world and your options - thieves and vultures in every dark corner, conmen posing as nice people - a government that does not care

best of wishes - it gets better - there are some people out there that are worth traveling the painful path to meet

if things get bad go to a church or something (but still be careful), the joy of freedom is worth it - even cold wet hungry and alone.

please write back and let us know that you are ok

[spiderboenz]

well, if you're 18, there's always the military. Free food, free rent, free schooling. Pick some kind of admin job, and you're good. Hardest thing you'll have to deal with is basic training, which is not that hard if you're in half decent shape.