There are a disturbingly large number of ninja supporters and I can't seem to fathom why this could be. Sure John
have both foolishly sat themselves squarely in the Ninja camp; but that could change yet.
Regardless, I present for your amusement:
Pirates vs. Ninjas:
or why Pirates are more awesome than Ninjas
Okay let me get this out of the way first. The combat, everyone new to this debate always wants to discuss who would win in a fight; despite the fact that this is a debate of awesomeness and nothing more.
The winner in any fight where a ninja is involved is easy to determine with a simple formula; you just take the initial number of ninjas, put that number to the power of negative one; and round it down. You now have the probability that the ninja(s) will win. For example, there are two ninja to begin with; 2^-1 = 0.5, rounded down becomes 0; the ninjas will lose! If how ever there is just one ninja, 1^-1 = 1 rounded down is still one; a single ninja will win. This is backed up by every TV show and movie with ninjas in them ever.
This formula does not apply to turtles, presumably because they're not very good at maths.
Now on to the real battle:
Okay, I'll admit both ninjas and pirates are pretty awesome. I mean ninjas run around in their black clothes with great big swords throwing shurikens at folks; I mean that's pretty awesome. But what Ninjas lack, and pirates have in abundance is fun!
Plain and simple, ninjas just aren't fun. Let's do a quick little experiment shall we, talk like a pirate for me; great someone like it have a conversation like a pirate, just talk use your best pirate accent. Now do the same thing, but this time, talk like a ninja; which ones more fun. Well at a guess I'd say talking like a pirate probably was and I can back that up with the fact that there's a day
devoted purely for talking like pirates. Sure there's the Annual Day of the Ninja
but that's no way near as well known, and with good reason. It's not half as fun; you are not a fully trained ninja, you probably don't have smoke pellets, so instead you'll spend most of the day just creeping along walls and not talking. oh what fun, i cannot wait; however can i contain myself....
Meanwhile on International Talk Like a Pirate Day you get to do stuff like this: link
(hehe, that's me).
So pirates are way more fun
Guess what; pirates are much bigger in the media; there's a relativly successful film franchise, toys, all of that stuff; oh and did I mention the music. Pirate music comes in all forms: from traditional
, to modern folk
, to orchestral
right over to scotish pirate metal
and it keeps going. All the ninjas have is Kung Fu Fighting
, which certainly ain't bad. But it ain't much in comparison.
Oh yeah, did I mention the pirate's sex appeal, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley. I'm pretty sure pirates win here.
Oh here's a big one, pirates are good for the environment. Just look at this chart of average global temperatures since the 1800s plotted against the number of pirates. You can see a clear correlation!
Ladies and Gentlemen; A lack of pirates is causing global warming!
Somalia has the highest number of Pirates AND the lowest Carbon emissions of any country.
Now for some rebuttals:
John claims "Pirates haven't been cool since Goonies" Whoa now, can I please point you over to the Pirates of the Caribbean films... well at least the first one!
Hank makes the slightly better argument that "Pirates aren't even well trained", and to that I say sail a tall ship and make that claim again. Also keep in mind that pirates were at the time one of the most democratic groups in the world. Because well, if you're stuck on ship taking orders from some guy when everyone's heavily armed, you damn well want it be a guy everyone's happy to take orders from.
Well that's all I can think of for now, but I can promise you there's plenty more.