# Pirates vs. Ninjas

There are a disturbingly large number of ninja supporters and I can't seem to fathom why this could be. Sure John and Hank have both foolishly sat themselves squarely in the Ninja camp; but that could change yet.
Regardless, I present for your amusement:

Pirates vs. Ninjas:
or why Pirates are more awesome than Ninjas

Okay let me get this out of the way first. The combat, everyone new to this debate always wants to discuss who would win in a fight; despite the fact that this is a debate of awesomeness and nothing more.
The winner in any fight where a ninja is involved is easy to determine with a simple formula; you just take the initial number of ninjas, put that number to the power of negative one; and round it down. You now have the probability that the ninja(s) will win. For example, there are two ninja to begin with; 2^-1 = 0.5, rounded down becomes 0; the ninjas will lose! If how ever there is just one ninja, 1^-1 = 1 rounded down is still one; a single ninja will win. This is backed up by every TV show and movie with ninjas in them ever.
Note: This formula does not apply to turtles, presumably because they're not very good at maths.

Now on to the real battle:
Okay, I'll admit both ninjas and pirates are pretty awesome. I mean ninjas run around in their black clothes with great big swords throwing shurikens at folks; I mean that's pretty awesome. But what Ninjas lack, and pirates have in abundance is fun! Plain and simple, ninjas just aren't fun. Let's do a quick little experiment shall we, talk like a pirate for me; great someone like it have a conversation like a pirate, just talk use your best pirate accent. Now do the same thing, but this time, talk like a ninja; which ones more fun. Well at a guess I'd say talking like a pirate probably was and I can back that up with the fact that there's a day devoted purely for talking like pirates. Sure there's the Annual Day of the Ninja but that's no way near as well known, and with good reason. It's not half as fun; you are not a fully trained ninja, you probably don't have smoke pellets, so instead you'll spend most of the day just creeping along walls and not talking. oh what fun, i cannot wait; however can i contain myself.... Meanwhile on International Talk Like a Pirate Day you get to do stuff like this: link (hehe, that's me).
So pirates are way more fun

Culture: Guess what; pirates are much bigger in the media; there's a relativly successful film franchise, toys, all of that stuff; oh and did I mention the music. Pirate music comes in all forms: from traditional, to modern folk, to orchestral right over to scotish pirate metal and it keeps going. All the ninjas have is Kung Fu Fighting, which certainly ain't bad. But it ain't much in comparison.
Oh yeah, did I mention the pirate's sex appeal, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley. I'm pretty sure pirates win here.

Environment: Oh here's a big one, pirates are good for the environment. Just look at this chart of average global temperatures since the 1800s plotted against the number of pirates. You can see a clear correlation!
Ladies and Gentlemen; A lack of pirates is causing global warming!
Still sceptical?
Somalia has the highest number of Pirates AND the lowest Carbon emissions of any country.

Now for some rebuttals:
John claims "Pirates haven't been cool since Goonies" Whoa now, can I please point you over to the Pirates of the Caribbean films... well at least the first one!
Hank makes the slightly better argument that "Pirates aren't even well trained", and to that I say sail a tall ship and make that claim again. Also keep in mind that pirates were at the time one of the most democratic groups in the world. Because well, if you're stuck on ship taking orders from some guy when everyone's heavily armed, you damn well want it be a guy everyone's happy to take orders from.

Well that's all I can think of for now, but I can promise you there's plenty more.

Views: 119

### Replies to This Discussion

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Vikings are just Swedish Pirates.
Not even remotely. Pirates we just assholes who attacked ships, Vikings were conquerors.
A small video a friend (who happens to live over the otherside of the world) and I made in the spur of the moment, no preperation and no real quality (mostly due to it being well past my bedtime)
you say ninjas dont talk, because they are devoid of fun. the truth is ninjas can survive for a year on a dew drop and the power of the universe. if you can survive on the power of the universe you dont need fun. you have unlocked the secrets to life. global warming on the other hand. a ninja could end it with a slice of his katana. but he refuses to, humans must learn their lesson. so yes. FP i do in fact win
If you win by not having fun and having the power to end one of the biggest issues humanity has ever faced but chossing not to, then well, I don't think I want to win. I'll happily sit over here and loose, 'cause I'll be having fun (which conviently rhymes with rum) and you've got a dew drop.
1. like i said, we do have fun. is being invisible fun? yes do you relize how many people you could mess with?
3.like honestly F-U-N and R-U-M. n and m.i win because u fail at rhyming.
4. the power of the universe is 1000000 more potent than rum. it is in fact possible to get drunk off of.
5. ninjas will intervien with global warming at the last possible moment. but people need to learn their lesson.
1. Being invisible is fun for a short while; it's also a lot of work. But you know what's more fun; having everyone look at you, being the centre of attention because you're just that awesome.
2. Hey, it's near enough; what have you got? (I was aware it wasn't a perfect rhyme but it works near enough)
3. It's called poetic licence and a deep accent ;) Furthermore, my failure does not by any account equal yor victory, there's are not causality related events. Finally, clearly have so little arguments that you had to make the same point twice.
4. Then why do ninja's never get drunk?
5. How will people learn their lesson if you bail them out at the last moment; if you do that then not only is it clear humanity has learnt nothing except that ninjas are there to bail 'em out.
6. I provided plenty evidence about Pirates and our enviromental friendlyness; you've so far done nothing but make insubstantial claims.
dear poor Fedora Pirate
i am sorry to inform you that you are not understand my points. Ninjas do get drunk. we are constantly drunk off the power of the universe. but ninja drunk, only brings us down to bruce lee level. ninjas do not require to be the center of attention all the time, because we are not narscassistic pirates. and as for your enviornmental claims. creating a false chart, doesnt count. i personally think all you drunk pirates, fart out methane because of all the rum you drink. methane is a leading contributor to global warming. ninjas are waiting for humans to learn. and if they dont. then we shall solve global warming. and forsake the earth. i can rhyme all the time. cause im a ninja, and toltally just win'd against ya. (win'd is the past tence of win, in ninja talk.)

you beloved ninja
BC
"False chart‽" There is nothing "false" about it, it is a perfectly reasonable chart and to most extents quite accurate, regardless it is still far more than you have brought up. Once again all I see is insubstantial claims. Also if I can have a rhyming fail then you most definatly deserve a grammar fail for that last post; "that you are not understand my points" among many others.
ninjas dont need gramer. we have awesome. and let me remind you that margo roth speigelman didnt belive in gramer either. so i win
And once again you avoid all the other issues and points, it is becoming increasingly clear that you haven't a leg to stand on; I'm sure some of my pirate friends could fix you up a peg one if you'd like ;)