Science Jokes!

[Megan Chambers]

Not limited to science, though. Math jokes, or really any jokes that make you think a little are welcome.

Holy Shift! Look at the asymptote on that mother function!

i says to Pi: get rational
Pi says to i: get real

That's all I can come up with now. I know more, but can't think of them. Also pictures are okay.

[paizlea]

Here's one I thought was a math joke...

"My parents went to a planet without bilateral symmetry, and all I got was this lousy f-shirt!"

So here I was, fresh out of stats class, and I assume this is a reference to the t-test (which has a 2-tailed curve and is therefore bilaterally symmetrical) and the f-test (which has a 1-tailed curve, and therefore is not). It was several months of believing this before someone told me it just meant that the shirt had both its sleeves on one side (you know, like an F) :-)

Of course, I'm an INTP on the Myers-Briggs test, which mean I over-analyze everything.

[Daniel]

Why is biology easier than math? Cuz in biology multiplication and division is the same thing!

[Edgar Allen FLO]

Isn't C++ actually a B- ?

Says one atom to the other atom:
"I think I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Positive!"
(from Hanks 50 jokes video)

[Edgar Allen FLO]

hahaha another one I like and picked up from hanks video... no wait... its a play on words and just doesnt look right when I type it... anyway:

- What does a teenage boy and the enzyme helicase in common?
- They both wanna unzip your Jeans/Genes

[Edgar Allen FLO]

Bohr moved in atomic circles while Schrodinger waved and Heisenberg hesitated.

[Corinna Handschuh]

10 things that matter in life:
computers and understanding the binary numeral system

[Zach Minute]

This is one physicists use to make fun of mathematicians.

"An infinite number of mathematicians are lined up at a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders a half a beer. The third orders one fourth of a beer. The fourth orders one eighth of a beer. The fifth is about to order one sixteenth of a beer, but finally, the bartender says, 'This is ridiculous,' pours two beers, and walks away."

[William Richard Tingle]

YOU MIGHT BE A PHYSICS MAJOR...

if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.

if you enjoy pain.

if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.

if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major.

if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

if you always do homework on Friday nights.

if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

if you think in "math."

if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.

if you have a pet named after a scientist.

if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.

if you can translate English into Binary.

if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."

if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.

If you are completely addicted to caffeine.

if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

if you consider ANY non-science course "easy."

if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

if the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

if you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.

if you understood more than five of these indicators.

if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.

If these indicators apply to you, there is good reason to suspect that you might be classified as a physics major. I hope this clears up any confusion.

[Christopher Harcourt]

Alright, so this one requires knowledge of certain equipment, but it got some laughs in the workplace.

So there's this multi-effect evaporator, and the first effect asks the third out on a date.
But the time of the date rolls around and the third effect gets stood up.
Back at work, the third effect confronts the first and asks him 'why did you bail on our date'
To which the first effect replies ' Sorry, but you know I get cold feed!'

Ha?

[Groovy Jones]

So I know math jokes have their positives and negatives, but here it goes...

"Excuse me miss, I don't mean to be obtuse, but you're a cute angle".

What, you don't like gemetry jokes? Well skew you!

[Anna C.]

Once upon a time two electrons lived in harmony.  They obeyed their just ruler Pauli and enjoyed their ground state existence.  One day there was a bright flash of light and the electrons were separated.  They no longer shared the same probability cloud.  This made one of the electrons sad because he really missed the other electron.  So he yelled out to it through the void, “Hey why don’t you come up here?  It’s pretty exciting.”  It was silent for awhile and then it heard a wee voice coming from the shadows which said, “Sorry but, no HOMO.”

[Meems]

(Heard this one from Futurama) : What makes a moon rock different from an Earth rock? It's a little meteor. 

Bacteria. It's the only culture that some people have.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.