Three women kidnapped an 18-year-old man in Chitungwiza and forced him to be intimate with one of them at a cathedral in Harare’s city centre on Tuesday,
On Tuesday, the man’s employer sent him on an errand to Makoni Shopping Centre
As he made his way to the bustling shopping centre at around 3pm, a cream Toyota Corolla suddenly pulled beside him, three women got out and bundled him into the vehicle before driving to Harare’s Roman Catholic Cathedral along Fourth Street where they locked him in a room.
At around 8pm, one of the women returned and forced the man to be intimate with her, sources say.
Afterwards, it is alleged the daring woman phoned the wife of the man’s employer and told her that the victim was safe and they should not worry about his whereabouts.
The following morning at around 7am, the three women forced the young man into their vehicle and drove to Machipisa Shopping Centre where they dumped him.
The man made a report at Machipisa Police Station. No arrests had been made and police were hunting for the suspects.
Harare provincial police spokesperson Inspector James Sabau, confirmed the incident and said investigations were in progress.
Men getting raped by women happens. Not as often as women getting raped by men, but it still happens. The situation is in a way worse for the man because at least it somewhat acceptable for a woman to be the victim of a rape. If she tells pepole she's been raped she can accept sympathy. That's not the case with a man. Because men are stronger than women, so therefore a woman can't force a man to have sex with her. Unless the man is weak...
When a woman gets raped she has to deal with pepole trying to put the blame on her. It was her clothing, she was too flirty, she was too drunk etc. A man might not have to go through that treatment. Instead he gets the blame because he's just too weak. Getting raped is pretty much the ultimate low when it comes to living up to the ideal of a man. Major social stigma.
When a woman gets raped and hasa to deal with being told she shouldn't have been so trapmy she's been the victim of Gender roles. A proper woman wouldn't have gotten raped. A man who gets raped will face the very same thing. A proper man doesn't get raped. So you get treated like you're not really human if you do get raped. As if you've failed. But the problem isn't that you don't fit the gender roles, the problem is that gender roles don't fit reality. It's trying to force pepole into being something they're not. This is an equally big problem for men and for women, at least when it comes to a situation like rape (in day to day life it can be said to be a bigger problem for women than for men since men get more key advantages).
Lately there's been talk about how men's violence against women is such a big issue and how men has to take responsibility for this. The problem with this kind of talk is that it's not dealing with the real problem, which is gender roles. Instead it's enforcing the idea that men and women are these stereotypes rather than individuals, and also that men and women are two separate groups. It divides men and women more when what we really need is unity. We, men and women, as a group should fight to prevent violence against us.
The same goes with rape. It would be a lot easier for women if more stories of men getting raped would get published. Because then it wouldn't be so much of a problem for women, then it would be a problem for men and women alike. Then it would be easier for men to sympathise with. That's why it's a mistake to differ between a male getting raped and a woman getting raped. It's the same thing and the same problem.
Ok, I agree with you in the general spirit of this post. You're totally right that rape hurts both women and men and that, in different ways, gender roles and sexism in general makes society full of fail when it comes to supporting and helping rape victims of both genders. I agree that rape with male victims is grossly underreported, even more so than rape with female victims. Now, I think, even so sexual violence against women is much more common, and men are the majority of attackers.
What I think is, men do have to take responsibility. You're right that we need to deal with gender roles, but men taking responsibility is part of it. Like, oh here I go with links again, but take a look. And the thing is, when you try to talk to me about this kind of stuff, most do act like it's nothing to do with them and get defensive, as if you'd accused them, when in fact reaching out to raise awareness is more of a "hey, I think you're a nice guy, so I thought you'd like to know how to help".
Also, a great blog post about the need to engage men in this issue.
The other thing is, not directed to you, is: rape jokes are not funny. Rape is a very serious issue, and joking about it minimizes the severity and ubiquity of rape and perpetuate the rape culture. And most important of all, rape jokes can trigger rape survivors, who are already traumatized. It can be done with no intent to offend, but intent doesn't matter in these cases, because it's not about intent, it's about the results. You can't claim you didn't mean to trivialize rape when you make a rape joke (or repeat it, or post a video), because when push turns to shove, you were making fun of a rape victim. It doesn't take much sensitivity to understand that.
"And the thing is, when you try to talk to me about this kind of stuff, most do act like it's nothing to do with them and get defensive, as if you'd accused them..."
I personally believe in the carrot more than the whip (in Sweden we talk about the carrot and the whip when talking about rewarding success and punishing failure). Not helping is ok but helping is great, so to speak. Instead of talking about how men have a responsibility to help out we should talk about all the good it would do if men helped out. That also tends to bring about more motivated participants since they do it to win rather than to avoid losing, if that makes sence.
"What I think is, men do have to take responsibility."
Definently. But not because they're men but because they're pepole. Women have to take responsibility for the same reason.
That first flyer you linked to starts out by talking about how gender violence is a men's problem that men ought to deal with by the way. :P If men can be empowered bystanders who can confront abusive peers then why can't women? And if women can, then why focus sorely on men? You may counter it with "it's a flyer directed at men" and that might be a valid point in this case. But it's not because we're men we should do that. Everyone ought to follow those points, men and women alike.
To me it feels like focusing on how men have to take responsibility you're unconsciously dissing women. Men are so strong that we can reasonably expect them to take responsibility but women aren't. And that line of reasoning definently enforces gender roles.
I think I won't be able to answer this coherently because I'm just too sick by the video, which I just finished watching. Talk about disrespecting rape victims, women, gays, people with STIs... There's not one thing that's not bad about that video.
"Not helping is ok but helping is great" No it's not! Seriously!!! Read that, and if you think about saying that that's one extreme case, I can give you a very long list of assaults where nobody helped, and that's only me, and I've been very sheltered most of my life.
It really comes down to responsibility.
About how women have to take responsibility too: yes, they do. But consider too that most rapists act because of power and/or anger against women, and when a woman interfere, she can become a target too. Last week I spoke up to someone in a restaurant, about something else (not sexual assault related), and was verbally assaulted and harassed and told not to intrude in other people's lives the whole time the person was there, and stayed inside for ages after they left because I was worried about them waiting for me outside.
"No it's not! Seriously!!! Read that, and if you think about saying that that's one extreme case, I can give you a very long list of assaults where nobody helped, and that's only me, and I've been very sheltered most of my life."
Putting pepole down for doing what most pepole would have done in that situation (nothing) isn't very fair. It's basic human psycology not to intervene in that kind of situation. Everyone's excuse was probably that someone else would intervene. Taking that cop out in a scary situation like that is easily done.
If you're not aware of these things then not intervening is most likely what you're going to do. To solve that education is the obvious solution.
But besides that, I think you missed my general point. I was talking more about joining the movement or something comparable, not a single very obviously wrong incident. The reason I favour this approach isn't that the pepole in question isn't needed, it's because I believe that approach yields more and better help.
And for the record I'm not the biggest fan of "Not my problem" out there either. For pretty much the same reason given in that blog post. If we don't help eachother out I won't get any help when I need it.
I take back my comment about it being your fantasy, I thought the person in the video was you. Which now leads me to ask, where is your part in this discussion other than provocation? I could see if you want to have a discussion about this subject as a violent act, but you paste the article with a video of a man who CLEARLY does not understand the difference between sex and violence, and the picture of him with a thumbs up approval sign, once you open the page, makes it look like he approves of rape. Obviously the guy is a comedian and is more interested in laughing about subject, but it makes it look like you agree with his opinion. This would be a great opportunity for you to encourage men who may have been victimized to report their attackers, no matter what gender the attacker may be. Instead, this video further shames any man who finds the courage to report the violence perpetrated against him. Is that the message you want to send?
I posted the news article because I thought it would bring about some intelligent conversation about the event and the roles gender plays in our society and yes Fluffee the guy in the video is a comedian he makes jokes for a living and what he says should not be taken seriously. I posted the video because I like his sense of humor and I thought it would inject some humor in a serious article.
what the hell are you talking about??? The fact that charles baker posted this video does no mean that he condones what the person in the video is saying. He clearly states above the video link the facts, without any form of opinion at all. That makes this a topic for discussion, not a crusade against woman-on-man rape. If the fact that the person in the video is making fun of the incident bothers you so much, then post your comments on youtube so he can read it, rather than accusing charles.
Human biology is a lot more complicated then that a male can be scared and still have an erection he could have been given drugs to force him to get an erection or he could have just been physically stimulated.