Slut Shaming Has REAL Consequences

[QuantumTuba]

Sometimes when I debate people on such matters as puritanical attitudes, irrational "sex offender" laws, the sexism of slut shaming, and other beliefs which stigmatize sexuality, they act as though the issues really don't matter, and thus even if I prove their views to be rationally unjustified, they're still comfortable acting on their untenable beliefs.

Well, this Friday I read a news story which showed just how harmful such beliefs can be. I'm not referring to things like the subjugation of women in an Islamic theocracy. I'm not referring to honor killings by crazed religious zealots. No, I'm referring to how anti-sexting slut shaming hysteria by school administrators and students pushed a 13 year old girl to suicide.

[QuantumTuba]

A good feminist critique of this particular manner may be found in this blog post and an analysis of the unjust government reaction to sexting may be found in this article from Reason Magazine.

[Jackie]

Disclaimer: all the sites I'm going to link here are sites written by adults, for adults. Because this issue involves sex, they're not holding back on any kind of language, but I think it's because they're saying the things that need to be said, and not out of obscenity.
I'm very grateful you decided to post this. It's important, and it's complex. First, it's good that you linked to a site that took this position: "Yet more evidence for teens that "sexting" really can ruin your life. Not because of the dirty pictures, but because of the horrible things adults will do to you when they discover them." Though not only adults, but the people of same age too. This blog post analyses the situation really well, too, and it points out all the slut-shaming, but as I said, it doesn't hold back on language.
"Because the photograph she sent is not what drove this poor girl to kill herself — the non-consensual spreading of the photograph, and the subsequent reaction that her classmates and all adults in positions of authority had to it seems to absolutely have been what drove her to despair."
There are like, 3 main problems involved in these sexting situations.
1) reacting from adults:
I think the way the adults are reacting to sexting is way over the top, and I think the way that school administrators and law enforcement treats these cases scary. I mean, prosecuting teens who send pics of themselves as child pornographers and putting them in sex offender lists, I have no words for that, but when the school administrators gather the parents and the teens in a room, with the teachers and the school boards, and then shows the pics to shame the girls, seriously! Creepy pervs! They're getting off from the pics and from causing humiliation. I don't know what can be done about this, though. I think teens and parents should talk openly about the problem, and parents and groups for civil rights have to deal with the law enforcement, like in this case.
2) bullying from the peer groups:
Bullying is bad in all situations and when it's related to a sexual issue, it's sexual harassment!!! Even if it's the girls calling the other slut. Sexual harassment isn't just the boss intimidating the subordinate for sex, it's any kind of unwanted sexual attention. But even if it weren't that serious, bullying is bad enough on its own. Stand up for bullied classmates, regardless of why they're being bullied! It won't stop if no one does anything.


3) non-consensual distribution of photographs of someone else.
I'm going to quote another blog post, this one talking about Carrie Prejean, because it says clearly what I want to say:
"You see, it’s like sex. If you and your girlfriend are having consensual sex, that’s fine. If you invite your buddy in unannounced to start having sex with your girlfriend too, without clearing it with her? That’s rape. No, selling smutty pictures of your ex-girlfriend to TMZ isn’t rape. But it’s rape’s evil, less-reviled cousin, and it’s in the same moral ballpark."
Guys, it really is. The law doesn't consider it that way. The law is wrong. Sending pics to your pals without permission from the person on the pics doesn't show anyone that the girl in the pic is a slut. It only shows that the person distributing the pics is a worthless excuse of a human being who doesn't have any respect for someone who trusted in him. He should be ashamed, and then prosecuted criminally.

The last point I wanted to talk about is something that I'm not listing as a main problem, but needs to be said anyway, because it's the equivalent of problem 3. I didn't want to tell anyone here that don't take pics of yourself and send to someone you like, because I think it's really not of my business, but the thing is, they're heavily punishing people who do it, so I really don't think that's a good idea if you're a minor and the person who'd receive the pics is a minor. But, regardless of age, if you're going to do it, ASK FIRST IF THE PERSON WANTS TO SEE IT. Not everybody feels the same way about nudity and even the people who like it may not be up to it at a certain time or situation. And if you send something that's unwanted, that's sexual harassment too. Think about it, for the person who totally didn't want to see your bits it's the same thing as being flashed. Beyond not cool.

[QuantumTuba]

Thank you for analyzing the issue from multiple angles and expounding on a nuanced perspective based upon consent.

Also, it's good you brought up the Carrie Prejean issue. It's interesting how Prejean's homophobia led some of us on the left to abandon truly progressive principles regarding her sex tape. Arguably condemning her for hypocrisy there was fine, but beyond that, everyone should have respected her rights to sexual privacy.

[Jackie]

I don't even know if this is off-topic or if it's on topic if the topic is misogyny, but I find that there are lots of progressive folks who forget whatever (social) liberal values they say they have when it comes to women and non-heterosexual issues. I've seen the term fauxgressives going around. Case in point, (sorry, I've peeked at your page), Christopher Hitchens keeps saying misogynist, racist and homophobic things.

[QuantumTuba]

That's true. I suppose the reason I willingly still gives Hitchens and Maher traffic is that I feel they make excellent and very amusing arguments on some issues. At the same time, I think it is important to call our "allies" out when they are blatantly sexist. This doesn't mean we can't cite their arguments still, but we should not extend it to reverence of them as people, and we shouldn't give them a free pass when they display bigotry. Just as I'm intensely willing to criticize Ayn Rand for her homophobia and the dogmatic cult-like nature of her original organization, but I will still quote her well reasoned arguments without feeling I'm endorsing her.

[Jackie]

When I said "The law doesn't consider it that way" I meant the law doesn't consider it sexual assault.
Obviously from the stories we've been seeing on the news, the law, at least in USA, does consider it distribution of pornography. Child pornography if the person on the pic is a minor, and while I'm against criminalization of (most) pornography, in this case they're completely right. I don't agree with that charge when it's a minor sending a pic of herself/himself to another minor, but I agree if it's someone sending a pic of someone else. It's distribution of child pornography AND should be sexual assault. If the person on the pic is not a minor but didn't give permission for distribution, it should still be sexual assault.

[QuantumTuba]

The problem becomes how you test for consent. That's the big problem with any sort of sex laws. Either they criminalize the acts themselves, in which case they are overbroad statutes which assault the sexual sovereignty of individuals, or they criminalize sexual actions performed without consent. While statutes which criminalize non-consensual sexual acts are clearly reasonable, demonstrating consent or the lack thereof can be difficult, meaning that they are difficult to enforce in a due process based system.

[Jackie]

I'm trying to reach out for the dudes here and explain to them what they're really doing when they forward pics. I'm asking them not to be That Guy, you know? And if someone they know is That Guy, like, they should delete immediately and have a harsh talk to the guy.
Sadly I'm all too aware of how difficult it is to prove legally lack of consent.

[QuantumTuba]

Agreed.

[Jackie]

What image? And, assaulting who? (I got confused.)

[Jackie]

Well, sending a pic without consent from the person receiving it is sexual harassment, and her being yelled at and called names is sexual harassment too. I just looked at definitions of assault and it says "Someone committing Sexual assault is forcing another person to commit to intimate relations with them and/or inappropriately speaking/touching that person." So I guess her harassment counts as assault too.
She sure felt threatened. I remember reading something about how threatening someone was assault, even if the threat wasn't acted upon.

[Jackie]

I think the age for consent could be it. Use the same rules as for sexual relationships. An adult with a minor = wrong. Two minors = ok. Anyone under the age of consent = always wrong.