So I've been a nerd fighter forever but this is my first time posting in the ning. (sorry if i should post this somewhere else ) I somehow got this idea and just went with it, but I just liked to know what you'd guys think of it. John is my biggest influence on my writing, and well you guys like john so um yeah! sorry Im bad with words. 


Id like to think drinking tea that is slowly killing me while wearing Micky mouse ears has some deep introspective meaning, but I’m really just wasting my life away. I’m Delaney, and I’ve been sitting on this overpass for the last 3 hours deciding what to do with my life. I’m not going to jump if that’s what you’re thinking. I wouldn’t die if I did. I mean there hasn’t been a car though here in the last hour and its only about 12 feet from the ground. I hope this is normal. That every teenage girl sits outside at 3 in the morning completing, well, completing everything. I bet this is what a midlife crisis feels like.

Okay I need to get out of here before my thoughts eat me alive. I want to go to the Inkwell. I can’t go to the Inkwell, there’s just something about sitting alone in a dark coffee house full of college students while shitty underground techno plays, that’s so appalling. I know where I can go. The haven. Well It’s not really a haven, it Wal-mart. If you ever just want to feel better about yourself, spend an hour at Wal-mart at 3am. 

I hate driving at night, why am I driving at night. Oh  yeah Wal-Mart. I’ve never drove at night without “there’s a zombie in your backseat” vibe, hence why there’s a baseball bat in the passenger seat. Ah, there it is in all its glory, Wal-mart. A mildly empty parking lot, must be a dull night in Belmar.

I’ve got another cup of self-destructive tea and an uninhabited Wal-mart to waste my night in. 

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to be honest id like to read more. im just interested. I'm no... hmmm, critic, or writer my self. All i can say is tht i want to read more. The person in this story reminds me... well, of me. I think deeply about stuff all the time at what ppl think is unusual hours(to me not so unusual), but yeah.

I love this. You had me from the very first sentence, and I want to see where this is all going. 

I have a pet peeve when it comes to any form of writing and that's when people talk about something instead of doing it. In this case what I mean is you're writing about a girl having an existential crises but we're hardly getting to read about any of it. Instead she's just telling us that she's having some sort of crises and she likes thinking about deep things all the time and it's almost like we're supposed to take her word for it.

You shouldn't tell us that she's having an existential crises you should show us she's having an existential crises (show don't tell) and give us something that actually goes deep into her character. It wouldn't be very interesting to just see her at the overpass wondering about something vague and meaningless like what the meaning of life is or why everything sucks. Doing what you're currently doing makes the character just seem really agnsty and overdramatic and I sort of feel like even if she was three-dimensional enough to have an existential crises she doesn't even have it in her to actually have one (if that makes sense). Having her tell us that's she's having an existential crises almost makes her seem too shallow to actually have one because if she could have one we'd just see it and wouldn't have to rely on her telling us it exists. 

And when I say show it I'm not saying I need a novel length monologue from her or anything as in-depth as that—I just don't want to read about her telling me she's having problems when I could be reading about those problems and get so much more out of it.

It might be hard to actually nail one of these if you've never seen one in action but once you figure out what you're doing it's the easiest way in the world to create strong complex three-dimensional characters whom the audience can connect with. In book form the best example for teenage characters is probably Catcher in the Rye, although I would argue that Something Happened by Joseph Heller is the best example I've ever seen (though for most people that book would be a chore). The television series Mad Men slowly starts proving itself to be about every character on the show having this sort of problem if you're into intelligent but sometimes slow TV, if you rather something quicker the third season of Moral Orel is some of the greatest television ever produced and you can watch it all in a couple of hours. For movies I'd say Federico Fellini's 8 1/2 (Italian film), Richard Kelly's Donnie Darko, and to a certain extent any film written by Charlie Kaufman with the exception of Human Nature. His film Synecdoche, New York is definitely be the best example of this.

All of this is uploaded to Netflix instant and everything by Charlie Kaufman is actually on Crackle and Youtube for free (with commercials). 

Hope I could be of some help.

I agree with Abreo, although I'm sure there is more to this story. By no means am I a critic, I simply like to read. I always felt that, rather than simply stating a character has an issue, showing that the character has an issue really pulls the reader in. It gives the reader a more complex understanding of the character and why they are doing what they are doing (like driving to a Wal-Mart at 3am). 

Hope that helps :)

The premise is amazing and I'm very intrigued.  Would like to read this story.


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