What to say in the time of grief for Atheists

[XOX]

I just got news that a coworker of mine had a stroke last week. I know this coworker is an atheist, and some religious coworkers have taken the opportunity to send mass email and setting up a formal prayer meeting in the conference room during office hours.

Accepting that christians might deal with grief by praying, so private prayers is fine even for a horrible atheist like myself. But this is done in the conference room, during office hours, with loud and public prayers and asking all coworkers to join especially the bosses. It is just not right.

I want to email back, but I don't know what is the standard atheists response to a time like this. I want to get in touch to her family and see if there is anything I could do to help.

Anyway, this is me asking for help to response in time of grief. We are not close but we talked to each other in passing.

Also, I would want to know the right thing to say to an atheist if this atheist is seriously ill.

This is me asking for help from fellow atheists.

Edit: I have been gradually editing out my anger. Feeling kind of stupid now for getting so angry.

Thank you all who have responded to this thread, no matter how you respond to it. You have probably saved me from having an aneurysm. So thank you.

Update:
She is still in critical condition. I would try to visit her tomorrow. (non family members have limited visiting hours)

Update:

My coworker passed away on 29 Sept 2009.

[charles baker]

Just so you know it says "strike" not "stroke" witch is what I think you mean.

[XOX]

Yes, thanks.

[XOX]

Just so you know, it says "witch" not "which" in your post, but I know what you mean.

[Anna M]

The thing is, from what I understand, Atheists take comfort in knowing that they have a legacy to leave behind. Perhaps they have children to carry on their name, their work, or perhaps they've done something to better themselves and those around them.

Christians take comfort in knowing that there is a heaven, and that they'll go to it because they've accepted Jesus Christ.

The problem I have with most Christians, as do a lot of people from other faiths, is that the Christian argument assumes that you believe what is written in the Bible. It's a circular argument where their faith is backed by what's written, and what's written is backed by their faith. They really need to find outside evidence to support themselves.

Also, what most Christians won't accept is the fact that "Good People" do get into heaven, if it does exist. And any "God" that doesn't accept a person into "Paradise" even if they're the epitome of an awesome person, doesn't deserve the praise that god gets. Especially if that "God" is portrayed as a "father figure". Face it, if your dad saw that your friend was in need of a home, for whatever reason, and knew that you liked your friend a lot and wanted him to have a home, your dad wouldn't be a good father if he said "You know, I'd love to, but he hasn't accepted me as his lord and savior".

I'm not on either side of this argument, by the way. I'm not saying I'm an Atheist or a Christian. I'm only saying I've done my bit of research.

I do think it's rather hypocritical that Christians ask for you to "accept them" by forcing in into your face. But if you were to do your own thing in your own way, they'd get upset with you. I think of how many Christian clubs there were in High School, how many fellowships were open to receive the public. But any other faith wasn't allowed to have a club, or even a debate group.

I wish your friend the best of luck, best wishes. I hope she gets better.

[XOX]

Thank you. You make a lot of sense.

I calmed down a lot and is fine now. But I might lost it again if they say my coworker is going to hell for being an atheist. I just hope I could talk about it here if that ever happened.

[PWC]

Usually people get a "Get Well Soon" card for the ill or injured. Some flowers would also be nice. I personally don't mind religion so I can't fully understand your point of view, and therefore can't make an adequate suggestion for your workplace problem, sorry. But seriously, flowers are a good idea.

[Philosoraptor]

I'm a strong atheist and a mild antitheist, but I think you need to calm down and realize that their hearts are in the right place on this issue. If I was friends with a guy who believed a chariot pulled by a pair of magical zebras would whisk good people away to a paradise when they died, I would be grateful if he told me that the chariot's arrived for one of my passed loved ones.

Christians are pretty silly, yes, but if they decide that she's going to their heaven and pray for her, it only means that they acknowledge her goodness as a person and only wish the best for her.


On the subject of what to say in times of grief to atheists, try explaining how great of a person she was during her life. Atheists, lacking belief in a mystical afterlife, very greatly value how a person lives and acts throughout their actual life.

[Antonia Cavieres Aylwin]

I'm Catholic, and I've been Catholic for as long as I can remember, go to a Catholic school and have a very Catholic family, yet I really agree with you about the whole massive- prayer-thing. I meant, if you are forced to go, morally of physically, the whole sense of prayer is lost. And this, I think, is the main reason why people don't follow religions as much as before, it has become more of a social obligation than something you feel to do.

And about what to say to Atheistic in times of grief, I believe is the same you should say to anybody in times of grief, which isn't really say anything. Just support. Most times, simply caring is more important than empty words.

And if I made any mistakes grammatically speaking, is because I'm fifteen year old and live in South America.

[XOX]

Updated. Nothing else to say.