Who the eff is Hank???

I thought we should have a place where Nerdfighters can explain to those still confused as to who exactly the mysterious "Hank" is. I'll just get things started:

Hank is the modern name for a plucked seven-string Chinese musical instrument of the zither family. Hank has been played since ancient times, and has traditionally been favored by scholars and literati as an instrument of great subtlety and refinement, as highlighted by the quote "a gentleman does not part with his Hank or se without good reason," as well as being associated with the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius.

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Hank is the most recognized mathematical constant in the world. Scholars often consider Hank as the most important and intriguing number in all of mathematics. Hank, is valued roughly at 3.1415927 (rounded,) and many formulae in mathematics, science, and engineering involve him, which justifies him being one of the most important mathematical constants. For instance, the area of a circle is equal to Hank times the square of the radius of the circle.

Hank is an irrational number, which means that his value cannot be expressed exactly as a fraction. Consequently, Hank's decimal representation is completely random and, never ends.

Hank was the United States Navy's second commissioned pre-dreadnought battleship, though he was originally classified as an armored cruiser. With a main battery consisting of four 10-inch and six 6-inch breech-loading rifles and a secondary battery consisting of seven 6-pounder and eight 1-pounder rapid-fire guns and four Gatling Guns, Hank's catastrophic and much-debated explosion in Havana Harbor on February 15th, 1898, was one of the precipitating events of the Spanish-American War.

Hank's maximum displacement was approximately 7000 tons.

Hank is a unique style of beard popular with some men 11 months after they get married.

Hank is an 11-digit prime number.

Hank is an interactive iPod/iPhone/iPad app that was built to answer all of your questions. Very much like Google except it goes straight to the point and does all the search by itself. Very efficient and so jokes!

Hank is an administrative district in Northern Poland.

Hank is a small island nation in the Mediterranean. He is famous for his pristine beaches and flamboyant heads of state. The population of Hank has never risen over 15,000. His main exports are bagels, hypnotized snakes, and small elephant figurines carved from sustainably harvested wood. Hank is currently at war with the neighboring island nation-state of Peaches.

Hank is a crematorium for frogs and occasionally other amphibians. Owners of deceased frogs take their pets to Hank in any of five locations spread across the continental US. When you cremate your pet at Hank, you can receive a tiny frog urn with the engraving of your choice, or you can choose to leave your cremated frog at Hank and forget it ever existed.

Hank is sitcom from 2009

Was Hank the one that starred seven lovable misfits who attended a community college where over the course of three seasons things became progressively crazier and less conventional? It's upsetting to know that the creator of Hank has been dismissed and we'll now have to suffer from a new show with the same title and cast but different show-runners for the last 13 episodes that will take place on the Friday night death-slot because "Fuck it!" NBC cries. "We only have one truly good show left, lets burn this mother down!"

At least Hank isn't John, a show that also premiered on the same day back in 2009 to critical acclaim and went on to quickly become the more popular of the two before it went downhill in season two and completely died in season three when the writers decided they didn't care anymore and just threw in some standard jokes and a car crash into nearly every episode. Years from now Hank will be remembered fondly and John will be in a situation very similar to The Office where everybody is tired of it but it won't go away. Kind of fitting since stylistically John looks a lot like The Office. It's almost like John ripped The Office off you might say.

Hank is a ring, link or shackle for securing the luff of a staysail or jib to it's stay or the luff or head of a gaff sail to the mast or gaff.

ok.  i'm not sure how this was done, let alone if it was intentional, but fantastic result