Christians Looking for Love?

[M]

Hey guys,

 

I am single... and I starting to get old (almost 30!) ggm.  So like a lot of girls my age I am wondering if I will ever find Mr Right.  I have to admit, I have been married before, but that crashed and burned in quite a spectacular fashion.  I believe that God will eventually send me the right guy and we will live "happily ever after" if that is His will, but what do we do in the meantime?  Should we be actively looking?  Should we stay home like good girls (and boys I suppose) or can we argue that God isn't going to send a bloke to our front door and we should probably be out and about to meet the "right one."  Wow, I didn't realise I had so much to say about this?  Talk to me people! while my husband and I ultimately didn't succeed at marriage, I liked being married and I get lonely sometimes.  So how do we deal?

[Roman Penna]

I'm only 18, but I've been listening to a really good releationship set of CDs by Jospeh Prince, not sure if you know him. But he's a pretty good preacher. I don't really want to try and disect everything he says (as I haven't listened to all the CDs) But I would reconmend buying or listening to the CDs as they were extremely helpful to me (well the ones I've listened to so far.) Good Luck and God Bless

[Miranda B.]

I think the best things I've ever heard on the subject come from Dean Sherman.  Basically he says that you should focus on living your life for God--follow what God has put you on this earth to do and become the best you that you can be and wait for God to bring the right person into your life.  It makes sense because if you are out there doing things and being active you're more likely to meet men who are compatable with you in the same circles. 

 

I met my husband indirectly through doing a DTS with YWAM.  We were both passionate about volunteer work in Asia and I met him on the other side of the world when I was 18-years-old.  Our focus was not on finding a mate and so we actually didn't even have feelings for each other at that time. Wasn't even on either of our radars.

 

Nearly four years down the road, I came back to Asia to study and I re-met him and then it was like the big lightbulb came on.  But, by that time I actually had started praying that God would send me to the right guy or vice versa. I have journal writings about this.

 

When I re-met my husband (through the same friend who had introduced us the first time around) I actually had an online long-distance relationship with him and the thought, "This is the man I'm going to marry＂started running through my head which freaked me out because 1) I was pretty scared of marriage because of how my parents' relationship was 2) I still was pretty young. 

 

But, here we are, been together for 7 years, married for 5 and we have two children.  We come from two totally different cultures and speak different native languages but somehow God meant for us to be together even though it took bringing me all the way to the other side of the world TWICE to make it happen.  The key ingredient for me was that I was living my life 100% and not really looking for a mate but also praying and asking God to bring the right person along.  He really did answer that prayer. 

[Bryan Rosander, FL]

I'm 28, a guy, and definitely looking.  On the other hand, assuming we didn't meet through a dating site, I usually try and get to know them first before bringing up dating so I don't scare them away.

[M]

Thanks, that all makes sense.  I am on the same kind of path, but like I said, it can a bit lonely, it is nice to know there are other people in the same boat as me!

[E_Lewis]

I've never been in a relationship or had much of a desire to, but here's my opinion anyway.

 

I'd hate to sound too harsh, but Jesus did say in the Bible that anyone who divorces and remarries commits adultery and anyone who marries a divorced person commits adultery.

Even if you're not divorced, here's my view on seeking out a partner:

If you want to go to certain places or do certain things to meet someone, that's fine. As long as your search for romance doesn't impede your ability to serve God properly. Like, if you devote too much time to it, or you start going about it the wrong way, then you should stop trying to seek a partner because you're putting that before God, which we should never do. In a less religious sense, a lot of people feel that they find the right person when they're not trying so hard to find someone. It's not like you'll never see or talk to people of the opposite gender, so you don't exactly have to go hunting for them. Just do things you like. Maybe you'll meet someone at church, or work, or just hanging out with friends instead of at a bar or a club you went to specifically to get a date. You're more likely to find someone you click with naturally in a setting that's natural for you. Which are you more likely to find a good partner for you at, a party when you don't like parties, or a Barnes and Noble when you love books?

 

But basically, if you focus on God everything else will fall into place. Just trust him, he knows what he's doing.

[M]

Yeah, I know that God is in control and He has a plan.  I was wondering how other people were dealing with it.  I feel I need to reply to your "harshness."  Firstly, if I was afraid of harshness, I wouldn't have asked.  Secondly, unless you have been married and know what it is really like, I don't think you are qualified to pull out your Bible stories about divorce.  My divorce was very difficult for me and I dealt with the whole adultery thing. 

I will be judged by God, so if I remarry and that is adultery, then that's my problem. 

Okay I'm done. 

[Miranda B.]

Well said, M. 

 

I think that God is so merciful to us.  God knows the condition and desire of your heart and He cares for you.  Keep seeking Him. 

My mom was married for nearly 30 years to my father and their marriage ended in divorce.  She was devastated as she had sown her whole life and heart into their relationship and done everything she could to try to work and save the marriage.  My dad was unwilling/unable to change.  She was especially devastated by the loneliness.  When you spend that much time with someone and build a life, including three grown children and grandchildren, together it's an immense amount of grief you deal with.  She felt like a total failure and that really affected how she felt about herself--like she was not worthy of love.  Thankfully, my mom is a strong Christian and she hung on to God very tightly and also took steps like counseling to work through the emotional and mental things she was dealing with. 

 

She was single, never dated, never looked for anyone, for ten years.  She spent her time working and being involved in her church and family.   She finally got to the point where she said, "God, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life."  God led her to start over and seek a job as a taxi driver.  Of all jobs, a taxi driver!  It was odd, even for her (and she's done so many jobs during her life).  But about two weeks after she started working as a taxi driver she met a good, Godly man--also divorced--also with three grown children (similar ages and gender distribution as her own children) and grandchildren.  Within two weeks they were talking about marriage and four months later they got married. 

 

God can redeem any situation and my mom and my step-dad are living proof.  Is it a perfect situation?  No. But, God is the God of taking broken lives and putting them back together and making something beautiful. May God bring something beautiful to you as well.  :)

 

[E_Lewis]

I wasn't trying to judge you, I was just pointing it out. I'm sure your divorce was difficult, it always is, and I can't understand it, but I still felt I should say something. Even if I can't understand it, all I know is what Jesus said about it, so I mentioned it.  

And they're not "my" Bible stories.

[M]

No, they are not "your" Bible stories.  However, I think you made a few assumptions.  I also feel that it is unfair for someone to quote bible passages when they don't have experience to help them understand it.  That's all.  My divorce was difficult and I don't want to give you the details, but I did work very hard at trying to "save my marriage" and my husband filed for divorce, not me.  I have spent years healing from the ordeal. 

 

You may find this harsh, but here it is and bear with me.  There is a time to speak and a time to be silent.  Ecclesiastes.  I am still struggling with times that I need to be silent.  Perhaps we all need to pray for help/ wisdom to know when we need to speak and when we need to "shut up".  As Christians we really need to show love for the people in our church and at the same time correct their spiritual mistakes.  There is a fine line and it is difficult to walk it. 

 

[E_Lewis]

Assumptions with what? I dont' know that much about relationships, but I have read Matthew. Because it's a Christian group on a discussion about relationships, referencing what Jesus said was not taken out of context or presented at an inappropriate time and place. I can't know what you've been through, but I'm sure Jesus understands and he's the one that said it, not me.

 

And I'm just a random person on the internet, you don't have to listen to everything I say. This is just what I know from what Jesus said.

 

 

[Bryan Rosander, FL]

I do think that those verses need a bit more context.

 

Going through a divorce does not mean that you should never be able to remarry without committing adultery.  In the most obvious cases, if the other person divorces you or you become a Christian and repent of your sin, you should be able to freely remarry.

 

In general, a good Church should put you under spiritual discipline for initiating a divorce for the wrong reasons or having behavior that leads to a divorce.  If you repent of your behavior, I think that you should be able to remarry without committing adultery.

 

Specifically, I think that the passage is talking about people who divorce and then remarry without any accountability from the Church.  I need to look into this a lot more though, because I haven't really studied it like I have some other topics.

[M]

I was a leader in our church when I went through my divorce.  I was disciplined.  In some cases people felt that I should not have been disciplined and I told them that it was important for me to accept the discipline with grace.  I am not sure that I did that the whole time, but I tried.