Nerdfighters

So I noticed a lot of topics requesting help coming out, and I thought, why not just have one topic in which everyone describes their "coming out" experience, and maybe a few things they would have done differently. Just as a more centralized advice topic for coming out.

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No worries.  Take care of yourself.

I was going to tell my story, but I don't think my experience is representative of what other people go through, although I've learned some things. 

From my experience as a bisexual-ish person who has had many gay friends over the years, I think people need to look at their own situation and take a creative approach.  Really, you probably don't need to come out to anyone but yourself. Frankly,  it is no one else's business but yours.  And no matter what, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

That said, having a friend by your side in case of homophobes is handy.  Plus it's always cool knowing that someone accepts you for who you are,  and doesn't think your sexuality is even a big deal,  after all it's not, is it?  What's actually a big deal is the mess the idiot homophobes are making over it.  I know when I was a teenager what other people thought of me meant a great deal and as an adult it still matters, but it's not as much;  not by a long shot (experience breeds confidence).  So I know it's hard to deal with these things for a lot of people, but I also know that there are 7 billion people in the world and most of them actually don't care who you fall in love with, and may even be your friend one day.  Thus those turkey-brains who make a mess with their harsh words and actions, will one day fade into obscurity while you make a ton of friends and have a great time.  Just think of how far equality has come over the years.  There are people I know who came out when being gay was illegal (and sadly it still is in many countries but we've got internet now to fight it together).....in my country that was ending just before me and my mates came out.   So not that long ago.  But now we can have alliances across the world like this one, and there's even talk about recognising marriages.  It's not easy, but it really, really, does get better, and the side of love always wins, in the long run.  Think of 'homophobic backlashes' as temper tantrums by little kids who know they're not getting their way - they'll be in the naughty corner soon enough, and we'll enter the 21st Century for real.

As for how you come out; that's your business.  Some people just let other people figure it out.  Some people never say anything at all.  Some join the mardi-gras.  Some people are asked, and just say "sure".  Do what's right for you and what makes you happy, and wear it all with pride.  Try not to get down if it doesn't go to plan, or if people aren't as cool about it as they ought to be.  People can turn around, and the ones that don't aren't worth your time.  You're still awesome, so DFTBA (ie don't forget to be you).

Well, when I came out to my mom, it was something like:

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"
"I have something to tell you..."

"Oh, God, you're not pregnant are you?"

"What? NO."

"Then what?"

"I'm gay."

"Oh, that's it? Don't scare me like that. So how was school?"

My mom's pretty awesome.

And then coming out to my friends went:

"So I'm a lesbian."

"Well, duh." 

I never had a coming out like in sitting down at the dinner table and telling my parents I'm also interested in girls and people of diffrent genders. I always told them if I thought a girl in movie was pretty, I also talk a lot about politics with my dad and I often mention the concerns of the LGBTQ community, we talk about gay adoption and the law situations for trans* people, so he knows I'm rather open, so does my mum and most of my friends.  The only person that ever asked me "Are you gay?" was a friend of mine whom I was really close with, I was obsessing over an actress when she interrupted me and asked "So... are you into girls?" and I got the chance to explain myself and it felt awesome. That time I would label myself as gay but later I told her about the idea of pansexuality and that I'm not comfortable with labeling myself at all at the moment. So maybe that's my coming out story. A simple conversation on the phone with someone I used to be very close with.

I'm coming out to my mom in about half an hour by wearing a gay pride sweatband thingy on my wrist. Scared. So scared.

It's strange becuase i started thinking i was bi in 7th grade and i even told my mom about it. (she didnt really care/thought it was normal/or she wasnt paying attention) i didnt tell any of my friends about it except one of my other bi friends(she was accepting of course) but then i switched school and made a bunch of friends who where gay/bi/straight and extremely open about it. It shocked me at first but now it doesnt even occur to me that girls dating girls and guys dating guys is strange its just what they do...so who gives a crap? its no different then straight relationships.

I came out over an Swedish website which was popular a couple of years ago, almost like Facebook but it was more focused on pictures and stuff and under a picture I just wrote "I'm gay and if you do not accept me for it, get out of my life.". A couple days after that I wrote over MSN to my mother whom was sitting in the room next to me telling her that I'm gay and such. I've had a couple of friends who did leave me afte rdoing this but my true friends did accept me for who I am :D

My coming out story involves me coming out twice, once in my youth (2001), then once to my husband (2012). Neither went that well.

The one of my youth involved me mustering the courage to tell my very religious mother what I was feeling. Needless to say it didn't go well, I was met with a lot of "No you're not" and "It's just a phase, you'll grow out of it." I felt so alone. The only person, my best friend (still my best friend to this day), stood beside me. I dated 1 girl in high school, and very much kept it from my mother. It was unhealthy and I felt guilty for letting her down.

After I broke up with the girl I dated in High school, I found a man. He was good to me, he was my first. Things seemed to be good. I battled with a lot of depression, but somehow we muddled through. We married in 2007, and it seemed like this was the path that was expected of me. Looking back now, I wonder what I was thinking, everything was telling me to not do it... We ended up having a son in 2011, next logical step, right?

Then I met her.

One thing lead to another and I came out to my husband. My world crashed. It made 2012 one of the hardest years I have had to deal with (emotionally). Coming out to friends, family. Having most of them turn their backs on me, most wanting to never speak to me again. I fell into a depression again. (Mind you, April of 2012, I got medicated for my depression, finally.) It hasn't been until fairly recently, with the holidays and whatnot, that I have started reaching out to people again. I have a small community of friends that love me for me.

Not the most uplifting stories, but they are mine.

It sounds like you have had a bad hand dealt to you, but the cards are starting to fall into place. Okay, enough card game references. I really hope you have a better time in the future, And I wanted to wish you good luck!

So the first time I said the words ‘I’m gay,’ they were a lot less sure. In fact, it was in the middle of a conversation about a mutual, mutual friend whilst I was staying with sort of friends in a hotel in Rome. What I said was ‘I think I might be bi,’ and only one of the girls even noticed that I’d said anything. What she said was: ‘Wait, what? Guys, we have to talk about this, you know, go over the rules. Like no flirting with friends.’ In actual fact the whole incident was forgotten within seconds, and to my best knowledge never brought up again.
The first person I actually said ‘I think I might be bi,’ and talked about it with was a boy I knew pretty well over Facebook. He seemed shocked, but he didn’t seem to care that much at the time. I remember sending the message, and then turning off my phone and not baring to look at it until morning. He did have the unfortunate virtue of saying very implicating things down the hallways at school, which was incredibly annoying. I don’t want to get into it in this video, but we don’t actually talk anymore due to issues regarding.
The worst coming out went something along the lines of this. I was texting one of my closest friends. I was kind of nervous, but I built up to it and then finally sent her a text saying ‘I’m gay,’. Her reply wasn’t for half an hour, and upon anticipated arrival it said: oh ok. Guys, please. Never do that to a person. It makes them feel like shit, and it makes them think that you are going to hate them and yell slurs at them and throw slushies at them in the corridor at school because they have watched too much glee. The next thing that she said was ‘do you mean that you’re bi?’ and to be honest, that felt shit as well. After a bit of texting and explanation we were cool again, and out of all of my friends she has been the most supportive yet. But the first two hours were the worst.
For me, the most important coming out story is the coming out story to the person you care most about. And for me, that was my mum. So I was sitting on the banister in our hallway, and it was actually the evening before my fifteenth birthday. And she goes: are you in a good mood? Yes, mum. Can we have a little chat? Yeah sure. So I found all of these lesbian and gay websites on the laptop the other day. Yep. Was that you or a friend? Uh, me. Is there something you want to tell me? Yeah, it’s the thing that I’m telling you right now. And the rest of the conversation is kind of lost in my memory, but it involved some nice supportive things and hugs and all that shiz. Really, I don’t think it could have gone better, due to my outstanding awkwardness. Thank you internet!
And finally most epic comings out: The ones where you just yell ‘I’m gay’ in their face, and then walk away. Have a nice day.

Okay, so my best coming out? My little sister's friend's little brother. Which, sounds insane, but he's my friend. Anyway., I had both siblings sat down at the table, and I say 'well, I like girls, too', to which the girl goes 'you're GAY?!?', like it makes it any less true.

The brother, on the other hand, is doing homework and whatnot on his laptop. At this declaration, he simply raises his head, says, 'cool', and gets back to his homework.

Later on he deduces that because I like girls I am now more willing to play with him. Which is stereotypical, but adorable. Whatever, his model cars are cool.

So my friend calls me up and says she wants to hang out, so I walk over to her house and find that she's there with her twin sister (who already knew about me) and two of their friends who I didn't know very well. The topic of the conversation when I came in was whether or not they would do it with a girl. Her sister kept nudging and winking at me, and pretty soon everyone was looking at me. I didn't really know what to do. I hadn't planned on saying anything, but then it just sort of slipped out: "Hi... I'm gay."

I don't really reccommend this method of spontaneiously coming out to your friend and two almost strangers, but hey, it worked. Everyone was accepting and whatnot so while it may not have been "the right time," I'm glad I got that over with.

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