Coming out stories.

[Quantum Paradox]

So I noticed a lot of topics requesting help coming out, and I thought, why not just have one topic in which everyone describes their "coming out" experience, and maybe a few things they would have done differently. Just as a more centralized advice topic for coming out.

[Maximilian König]

Well, I don't have that much to tell ... for me it was like a breeze, no complications at all and nothing special to tell (but that's definitely no bad thing)

[Catherine]

i feel like my "coming out" stories are pretty average. when i was ready to tell people i told them and it was all good (mostly). last october, however, i had an exciting moment. my college had a candle light vigil for LGBTQ teens who had commited suicide. a lot of people took a minute or two to talk about how they felt, stories from their own life, and ever some advice. i was one of those people. it wasn't until later that i realized that i had technically just come out to over 300 strangers. it was a very freeing feeling to know i was able to do that.

[Jennie Rae Urban]

Being asexual, it's not so much about "coming out" for me as trying not to let my disgust show when my friends are talking about sex.  I mean, I've explained the situation to my closest friends, but to the rest of the world, it doesn't really matter.

The way I see it, coming out shouldn't be such a big deal.  I mean, I never had to sit down with my parents and say "Hey, Mom and Dad, sex grosses me out, but I like boys."  So why should my gay friends have to sit down with their parents and explain the same thing?  

[Quantum Paradox]

I suppose I should tell my story, then. I first came out a couple of months ago on my High School's Choir's trip to italy during spring break. I have come out to a good thirty people, and I have decided just to stop denying my sexuality if someone asks me. My experience so far has been great. Everyone I have told has been accepting and supportive. In fact, a mere month after I first came out, one of my best friends came out to me and then asked me out! We have been dating for about a month now. However, he isn't out to anyone but me and one other friend, so our relationship is basically a complete secret. 

[Dulcee]

I came out to my friends before I came out to anyone else. They were all accepting and totally comfortable with it. Hell, one said they had been waiting for me to 'get out of the damn closet'. After that, I basically told anyone who asked. About a year after I told my friends, my mom sat down with me and asked me, "Dulcee, are you gay?". At first, I hesitated in telling her, as she was raised in a very... biblical... environment. Then I decided to ask myself what I had to lose... which was next nothing. With that, I threw fear (which is normal to experience with parents, even if it was easy with friends and sometimes other family members) out the window and showed my true colors. Now, I'm just waiting for my dad to ask, and hoping it goes as well as it did with my surprisingly (well, at the time at least) understanding mom.

[The Trippmeister]

My own coming out story is... work in progress.  As a matter of fact, it just started today: I came out to my best friend (and to myself at the same time - long story, but I've been literally fighting myself over this for 3-4 years now) this afternoon.  She was immediately and completely accepting, so yay for that!

I'm still not really comfortable with it, and still not sure whether I'm completely gay or bi yet, but I suppose that will just have to sort itself out with time.  My biggest problem in telling people is that I don't really talk about emotions -- like, ever -- so I can't even figure out how to bring up the subject to my friends.  With the friend I told today, I sent her an email last night saying I needed to talk to her asap, because the cognitive dissonance of the last few days had become unbearable, but I really don't want to do that with my other friends.  Even though I have complete faith that they'll all be accepting, there's still a reason I told the person I told.

But it is such a relief to have FINALLY told someone, and admitted it to myself.  I woke up this morning literally terrified of the conversation I would soon be having and just of my life in general, to the point where I couldn't really function.  There is absolutely no way I would have been able to even type this out, let alone post it, yesterday.  And now, even though I'm still confused, conflicted, and a bit scared, I'm also calm and relaxed.  Pretty good mood change since this time yesterday, I'd say!

My goal is to tell at the very least my other closest friend from high school before I head back up to college in three weeks.  Kick me until I do it!

[Jennie Rae Urban]

Woo, congratulations!  I don't know personally, but I have heard that that is a great feeling.  I'm so proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself.  *e-hugs*

[Queen Ophelia of Cuppalandia]

I came out to my father about 2 weeks ago.

Personally, I didn't think I'd ever be able to come out to any of my family members, let alone my father.

My mother's side though, is a whole new different story. 

My parents have been recently divorced due to my mother not being to control her whoremones. (see what I did there?)

My father's a great man, but he's also a Republican and I've heard him once say "I don't care about gay people or gay marriage" which really scared me that he might be a homophobe. On the other hand, my mother clearly stated "I would disown you if I found out you're a lesbian." So, I don't think I will be coming out to her, however, I believe it's a great way to get her out of my life permanently.

Now, my dad and I were driving to work, stuck in traffic. And we were discussing things like how much marriage sucks and I've been repeatedly saying things over some time that "I hate boys/Boys are stupid/I don't like boys/Ew, boys have cooties" which may or may not be true (I'm bi, so technically, I still like boys, I just didn't want to have to go through the whole shit of explaining things about how I like girls AND boys at the same time.)

Me (jokingly): Maybe I'll just marry a girl. Less problems, plus she's prettier and we could go shopping together and there's better chances that one of us might cook.

Dad (laughs): *says something funny that I couldn't remember which eventually led me to...*

Me: Mom said she'd disown me if I was gay.

Dad: She doesn't have the right to give anyone a lesson on what's right and what's wrong. *says other things that are sorta mean but totally right and makes me proud that he was my dad*

Me: *nervously fidgeting, awkward silence settles in between us. Fighting with myself whether I should tell him or not. How should I tell him? What would he say? The feeling of prickling discomfort spreads through my own skin. Red light. It's now or never--well, next time. But when is next time?* DAD, WOULD IT BE OKAY IF I LIKED GIRLS?

Dad: (smiles down at me, cuz I'm short and it sucks) I don't care. That's a personal choice.

So yep. That's my coming out story. :D

[Aletheia Lumen Skychaser]

I haven't told my parents....I've heard their views on the matter and in their opinion, if you're younger than 15 or 16 it's too early to know.

[Monica Quijano]

Mine isn't finished yet, but I am working on it.

When I came out to my mom, I was sooo nervous, but felt like I needed to do it.  I came home and she was working on paperwork, and I just stood there awkwardly for about an hour before she looked up and was like, "What?"

Me: Um . . . Mom . . .

Mom: What??

Me: Well, this is probably going to shock you . . . but . . . I'm gay . . .

Mom: Oh, honey, I know!!

Me: WHAT??

Mom: Well, I figured, but I wanted to wait until you were ready to tell me.

Then she went back to working.  My dad is a crazy, ultra-conservative, Republican jerk, and he would send me to Love in Action or Genesis or something crazy.  I don't want to tell him, ever, but I know that someday I'll have to.  I did tell my brother, but he slapped me and told me to stop being gay.  I would tell him that it's not a choice, but he would tell my dad, and . . . yeah.

[CD]

Good on you....that must have been nerve wracking, and relieving in a way.

Mothers have a way of knowing these things, I've noticed.  I take it from her response she's not going to out you to your Dad (I could be wrong, but it sounds like it).  So you can just get on with the business of growing up without him interfering, move out and make a ton of friends, and he can sit there crying over Regan not being in office (or whatever he's on about) while you live in the real world.

Also, try not to worry about your brother.  He's may just have a 'role model issue' and will grow out of it eventually. Especially if your Mum is really nice.  He'll learn.....no need to tell him unless you really want to.  He'll figure it out by the time he figures out that your Dad is, as you say, a jerk, and he'll know that brother = friend and that will trump it all.   This is coming from a female who has only ever dated males who have no sisters and a gay brother.  The brotherhood always wins....

[Monica Quijano]

Thanks for your kind words!

My mum would never tell dad.  She respects me too much to do that, I think.  And, he actually does talk about Regan's "Good Old Days" quite a bit!  I am not planning on telling my brother, I figure that it's his problem, not mine, and that he'll either get over it and accept me, or not.  Of course, my heart is always open to him.  I hope he picks the first option!