Mentally a lesbian, physically.. meh.

[Danielle Smith]

One argument I used to make while protesting Prop 8 was that it doesn't matter when happens in the bedroom because it's no one's business but those involved. I'd steer the argument away from the sex of the right to marry and move to different politics.

Because, well, really, why do we not judge a straight relationship by how they do it in bed when the gay community is judged by it? I say this because at the time I was engaged to a man and vowed not to marry until gay people were allowed to marry.

This is sort of an intro only semi related.

Due to unrelated situations, my fiance and I are no longer together, and when that freedom hit I wanted to try dating girls again. I usually had little success in picking up girls, I don't exactly scream lesbian, but luckily, with my recent involvement in the GLBT community I was able to flourish this time. I was 25, so yeah, had a lot of years of 'am I? or am I not?'

I think in the end I am, the only real problem I'm having, as I'll be moving back to Cali soon and pursuing a relationship, is that I'm not sexually attracted to women. Not sexually attracted to people in general, but more to men than women, but I know I'd rather be with a woman on all other fronts. I'd rather marry a woman than a man for all the emotional attachments.

Granted, I've never really lain with a woman but I'm still not sure if I'd enjoy it. I really want to get involved but.. ugh, is this normal? Is it normal to want to be mentally and spiritually involved with someone of the same sex but has little desire for them physically (aside kisses, hand holding and occasionally making out)?

I know this is an odd place to ask, as I'm probably older than a lot of you, but we're in the same boat of figuring this stuff out together.

[Elena Ayers]

I can't speak for your exact situation, because you're the only one who knows how you really feel, but I hope this will help:

Sexuality is more than a spectrum. It's sort of...three dimensional. There's the heterosexual-homosexual side, the gender identity side, and then there's the sexuality in general side. (And there may be other sides I'm just not aware of.) You can definitely be a not-very-sexual person, but still have romantic feelings for women. Or you can be somewhat sexually attracted to men and emotionally attracted to women. It's all "normal." 

Eventually, when you find the right person, you'll probably have this discussion with them, about how you feel and what you feel comfortable doing. It depends on the situation. You said you've never been sexually involved with a woman: if you're comfortable ad ever feel like you'd want to, you can experiment, but if you're not, that's perfectly fine and "normal." (I put the word normal in quotes because I don't really believe there's such a thing as normal when it comes to gender/sexual identities; you are who you are, and everyone's different.) You're definitely not the only person in this boat, though. Sexuality is confusing no matter what age you are. 

Just pursue relationships that feel right, and with people who respect your feelings about sex and mental/spiritual involvement. There are definitely other people out there who feel the same way you do, so just live your life to the fullest, and try not to worry about not being "normal."  =]

[Nelson]

Is this normal? Yes. Yes. You might be more romantically involved with some people and have a more sexual desire for other people. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and there are more people with similar feelings.

You're figuring out a part of your identity and I think that's a good thing. And when pursuing a relationship, don't let this hold you down. On the relationship advice part I'll have to quote John Green from his latest video: use your words! And make sure it feels right and that the person you're pursuing respects your feelings and identity.

(I very much agree with Elena and I couldn't have said this much better than her.)

dftba!

[Phoebe Bjos]

This is basically exactly where I am and through a ridiculous amount of research (via the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) I've come to see the three dimensional sexuality spectrum Elena was talking about. For me, I'm not sexually attracted to anybody (but I feel sexual desire in general), I (mostly) understand romance but don't experience it, and I love cuddling and occasionally kissing (mostly with girls, but guys to, sometimes). This might be "a phase", and I may have "not found the right person yet", but I'm not sure how much I care. It's complicated but knowing that I don't have to be sexually and romantically attracted to the same person is, at least, comforting. 

[CD]

I'm just going to echo what other people have said, but, yes, it is normal.   You don't have to box yourself.  Do whatever feels right for you, with the obvious, usual relationship caveat of "as long as it's right for them too", and as NachtElf said, 'use your words'.  It's all negotiable, really.

I suppose I ought to open up here, as much for my own sake as yours.  Well, I hope it helps us both anyways. I have never had a 'girlfriend';  well not strictly speaking.  Sort of almost had a couple of girlfriends before I had boyfriends (even this is hard to get my head around).  Have only dated males, and have no intention of being with a female.  Have only periodically been attracted to females.  Am not always attracted to males, either.  Usually I'm just attracted to the person I'm with, and that's about it, and even then most of the time I don't even think about sex.  So I'd call that bisexual within a heterosexual lifestyle, if I were to box myself, although most of the time, straight, and then again, most of the time, a little bit asexual.  I'm not even sure "female" is the appropriate gender for me, but I'm definitely female.    I usually call myself bisexual though.

Point is, this stuff is such a rainbow,  just try not to worry about it, and embrace who you are, whether that's the same today as it is tomorrow, or next year or yesterday.  Heck, you might even decide one day you don't like your name and want to change it.  And why not, if it makes you  happy :)