So. I'm a girl and I'd been thinking that maybe I was attracted to girls for a while...I mean, I was always reading all these books about gay love and stuff and a really strong supporter of gay rights but I never thought it could apply to me exactly. I'd been out with a couple of guys and it just felt like a game I was playing.
So I start high school and meet this girl named Taylor, and from the first day we meet I just get this...energy from her. I'm not surprised to find out she's bisexual for some reason and I tell her that "I'm not sure what I am yet." She jokes around with me like she likes me, serenading me at lunch and giving me rings. I joke back with her, writing love poems. We have a couple of sleepovers, a couple of "I could've kissed her right there" moments but neither of us is sure if the other is joking.
I start coming on stronger to her as I grow more sure of my bisexuality or whatever you want to call whatever it is I have. She sends me mixed signals - one moment she'll push me away, one moment she'll call me up and joke around. I have no idea if she's joking or not.
Today. I ask her how she knew she was bi. She says she kissed a girl. I say I'm only attracted to guys in movies, books, or who are gay...and none of them I can get. I say I might be attracted to girls. She says okay.
We get to talking and she's like, "If you're going to tell me you like me, don't. I don't like you that way."
And I'm like "whatever we can still be friends."
But I feel like I really lost something...I mean I had all this energy and love for her and...I dunno what to call it but I wanted to be "more than friends." I'm still trying to figure things out but I wanted to make her happy and for her to be happy because of me because she made me happy and I wanted us to be together and be connected and I don't know what you call that but it's the closest I've felt to "liking" another person "that way."
And now I feel like all our possibilities have been closed off and opened up at the same time and I just wish this story had a happier ending...
But hey, now I know what all those sappy love songs mean.
Sorry, sweetheart. God, I know how you feel. But you loved her for a reason, and you'll have that reason and more for someone else in the future (unless you get hit by a bus or something like Tony from Skins, in which case you can give your family my condolences in advance).
And hey, you're story isn't ending. Your story might never end (depending on what happens after death). Just wait for the next exciting plot twist.
Sorry, hun. Stuff like this happens, unfortunately, and it's just a fact of life that we don't always get what we want -- even when it's something we feel like we need. The best advice I can give you is to make the best of your friendship with her. Pushing her out of your life, though it may seem tempting based on how much not having her in the way you want to can hurt, would only result in more pain and regrets.
Time heals all wounds, as corny as it sounds. At this point, anything could happen. You may meet someone else who can make you feel this way, and hopefully they will reciprocate those feelings. It isn't her fault that she isn't attracted to you, and I hope you won't hold it against her.
If it makes you feel any better, you aren't alone in this. I would say most people could put a title like "the one who got away" on someone they knew. I, personally, like you, have a friend I met as a freshman that I cannot have in the way I would like. The reasons are a little different, but the end circumstance is the same -- I want, I can't have, and it sucks. I've continued to be friends with this person, and I would like to believe I helped them quite a bit these past few years, if for no other reason because I'm here and will listen and be honest in situations where other people would lie or shut you up. In some ways, I think the friendship has paid off, as much of a trial as it has been. So I hope you can see where I'm coming from when I say to cherish the friendship you have with this girl.
Sweetheart, I feel your pain, or at least something like it.
A week ago, I was convinced that I would no longer be single by Valentine's Day. Today was my eighteenth consecutive single Valentine's Day, and he's dating someone else. Continue to be her friend, as much as it might hurt and as awkward as it might be. It's not her fault, and it's certainly not your fault. And feelings can change. One of my friends liked a guy for...maybe six months or so, only he liked another girl. Six months go by, and the places are switched, he liked her, she liked someone else. Not too long after that, they started dating and dated for a good two and half years. There is still hope.