Llamas With Hats Script
(NOT PART OF ACTUAL SCRIPT!!!) ===> Narrator: There are two llamas with hats in a room and there is a dead man between them. His hands are missing and he has multiple stab wounds in his chest. Who murdered this man? Where are his hands? Do the llamas have something to do with this? WHY ARE THEY WEARING HATS?!?!?
Llama: Carl! There is a dead human in our house!
Carl: Oh…hey…How did he get here?
Llama: Caaaarl, what did you do?!
Carl: Me? Uh, I didn’t do this!
Llama: Explain what happened, Carl!
Carl: I’ve never seen him before in my life!
Llama: Why did you kill this person, Carl?
Carl: I do not kill people. That is…that is my least favorite thing to do.
Llama: Tell me, Carl, exactly what you were doing before I came home.
Carl: Alright, well…I was upstairs…
Carl: I was uh…I was sitting in my room…
Carl: reading a book…
Llama: Go on…
Carl: And, uh, well this guy walked in…
Carl: So, I went up to him…
Carl: And I…I stabbed him 37 times in the chest. (Silence.)
Llama: Caaaaaaaaaaaaarl, that KILLS people!
Carl: Oh! Well, I didn’t know that!!
Llama: How could you not know that?! Carl: Yeah, I’m in the wrong ear. I SUCK.
Llama: What happened to his hands?
Carl: What’s that?
Llama: His hands. Why—why are they missing?
Carl: Well, I kind of umm…cooked them up. And ate them.
Carl: Well, I—I was hungry. And well, you know, when you crave hands…
Llama: Why on earth would you do that?!
Carl: I was hungry for hands! Gimme a break!
Carl: My stomach was making the rumblies.
Carl: The rumblies that only hands would satisfy!
Llama: What is wrong with you, Carl?!
Carl: Well, I kill people and I eat hands! That’s—that’s two things!