Becoming your mother

[Tirah keal]

I find that the longer I am a mother the more I notice myself becomeing like my mother. This is in some ways a positive, and in others a negative. For example, my mother loved little children, and gave me a solid example of how to care for infants; on the other hand, once I was not an infant she made little time to play with me and my siblings, we became a bunch of kids that she supervised, but didn't spend consistent one on one time with.
I notice in myself that I don't play with my kids much. I tend to want to do other things when they want me to play with them. It takes concerted effort to play the games they want to play. But their games are not hard, and can be really really cute too! I think it's hard for me in part, because my mother didn't model that for me. As an adult I look back on how my mother always made herself busy with other things, and didn't set aside time for me and my siblings, and I wish that she had. It hurts that I look back and question her love for us, simply because she didn't spend more time with us.
I want to make a different choice in my life and my relationships with my kids. And yet it's hard to step out of the example she set.
So that's my specific example, but I want to hear if anyone else has a similar experience. Do your childhood memories shape your mothering? In good ways? In bad ways? How do you deal with that?

[Ashley Noyes]

My experience has been very similar to yours, and it's taken a lot of effort not to go down the same road. I think that you being aware of it is a really good sign. Plus, you are taking steps to change. As long as you keep making the effort, keep showing your kids that you want to spend time with them, then you'll be fine. Childhood memories can shape you, but how much they do is up to you.