now, if this is a clinical issue, i don't know how much help our words will be...though, you did say you've yet to find meds that do much... anyway, i'm glad you've found a professional to talk to, and i'd like to think we're here for you. meanwhile hard as it is, you have to try to keep the faith. i actually know from some experience how hard it is to believe, but yes you are awesome. and don't for a second let anyone tell you your feelings are invalid. sure, we all need to work through a lot of them at times. but they are still your feelings, and you've already said you can see how much repressing them is hurting you.
i wish i had more i could say or do...
First of all, you are NOT contributing to the world suck! The only people that do are those that enjoy hurting others. You obviously belong to the object, the one getting hurt, rather than the subject, the one hurting (: <3
I feel like you do.. often. I'm rarely truly happy. I spend most of my time feeling anxious, inadequate and sad. Of course there are some fractures of happy moments now and then, but they hardly make up for all the time in depression. I used to be different, bubbly and positive, but then things just changed for some reason :( I have no idea why I'm so sad, cause I definitely have no good enough reason to be. I can't see there being anything to be done about it :(
Sometimes your hormomes go crazy I guess... "Hey, let's overproduce to make Jessica upset". That's what I try to think when I'm sad at least, that one day the hormones will settle down to be on a more normal level, and everything will feel less heavy (: And hey, your number of friends just increased a little, cause I would love to join them ^^
I've read you post a few times, and a couple of things stick out to me, I could be wrong (so feel free to disregard irrelevant bits and peices), but from what I've read it would seem that you have a lot of concern for others (reassurance at the start, friend shortage and the odd sorry), can make clear coherent points, you have some branch of paranoia and over use labels (Things like depressed and not a nerdfighter). All of these I have been dealing with for ages (only slight paranoia) and they all can stem (they sure do in me) from over-thinking (this means that, which means this is bound to happen which will...).
First off, it's good that you've put this up now as opposed to later, writing gets you to re-think things, and sometimes see flaws in logic or create additional thoughts (when I posted my thoughts the last third was made up thinking about what I was writing). If you come up with more thoughts, put them up, it will give you a boost for a bit and allow more info to flow.
Next, labels, my advice (to everyone) is to stop using them as absolutes, because there basically wrong.
Take Nerd, you can start by thinking I'm a nerd because I play World of Warcraft, nerds have no confidence and are socially awkward therefore I can't make Friends, this means I'm antisocial Me being without social skills or confidence means I'm be rubbish in interviews and never get a job. This may seem entirely logical, but is total crap when you realize playing World of Warcraft doesn't mean in the slightest that you have any other nerd traits, and even if you do, these aren't the only criteria for an job, or and interview. (social awkwardness mean's your probably crap at small talk, but in a job, that's part of being professional)
Dealing with labels is quite simple, they should be changed by literary a slight re-wording. Your not depressed, your suffering from depression. Your not unemployed, you currently do not have a job. These statements are still entirely accurate about your position, but they imply change in the future is plausible, and stop more labels sticking onto the original (which is what made my mind spiral out of control and a nightly basis) This also can help with some kinds of paranoia.
Trying to guess what others are thinking then compensating leads to overcompensating, or just saying nothing. I'm currently working this issue out myself but think of caring like food, exercise of alchhol, moderation. Find a balence, I think that you might be overthinking what others will think, or rather, how strong they will think. This happens with me, I'll frequently convince my self not to speak about music or games, but it's a similar spiral to labels, this game is bad so they will say it's bad, so I will dispute that and they wont like me. Again in (or even out of) the moment this seem's rational until you factor in the fact that you have no idea how strong the response will be, or even yours to their response, realising this can cut the thoughts off before they spiral.
In the case of friends (Particually the one who will listen to psychological stuff) I (being nerdy and not good at or not willing to talk) have little advice on how to make them, but if your willing to wait a few hours, people on the ning will (and have) fire back some good advice.
One last point. With meds, don't loose faith in them, anti-depresent medication do not function not like pain killers, they take time to work and work for quite a while, early generations took 1 to 2 months to kick in, so if your taking a dayly dose every other day it's plausible that the drug would be kicking in (at effectively half strength) two and a half days later and last a couple of days so not seeing a difference on a dayly basis would be natural. But this is something perhaps to be confirmed be the GP.