Einstein on Divorce: "All things are relative. All relatives are things. My relatives took all my things."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road? But is rather, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Heisenberg: Because the chicken is moving very fast, you can either observe the
chicken or you can measure its speed, but you cannot do both.
Jean Foucault: It didn’t. The rotation of the earth made it appear to cross.
Galileo: To get a better look at the stars.
Ohm: There was more resistance on this side of the road.
Pascal: It was pressured to cross the road.
Volta: The other side had more potential.
Hawking: There exist numerous parallel universes in which the same chicken is in differing stages of crossing the road. Only when one of the chickens has
completed crossing the road do their ave functions coallesce.
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Buckminister Fuller: Because we have not yet designed and implemented true,
constantly forwardly/backwardly evolving, energy-transforming living
machines which will enable us to perform all functions from the informedly
turbining hub of a single autonomous in-spiralling/out-radiating network of
space-connected information vector transforms. Had the chicken been
supplied with my Dymaxion Tensegrity Coop, it would have remained at home,
un-tempted by such risky spatial-temporal translations.
Grandpa: In our days, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Here's my favourite science joke:
Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."
I may like physics, but I'm no Bohr in bed.
Anyone favor a relativity poem?
There once was a lady named Bright,
Who traveled much faster than light,
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night!