I posted this in the Nerdfighterlike group as well, so forgive me if you're seeing it twice.
Girls are more than welcome to reply to this, but it is primarily for the boys.
So. Boys. Hi. I'm Jordan.
You confuse me. A lot.Please read this.
I really would love answers to my non-rhetorical question.
Well, I don't think you can always rely on God to pave the way for you. If you believe that God has a plan, you have to remember that that plan includes interaction on your end. You say "I barely even flirt," and I think that's part of your problem. Don't think that flirting means throwing yourself at a guy, flirting is just another form of conversation.
In fact, that's where you should start. Don't just go after the guys you're "personally interested in," talk to all of them. Say hello. I assume you're in school, so ask them what they thought of a class. You never know when you'll find a nice guy.
I do talk to a wide variety of guys, not just the ones I'm interested in. I mentioned in the post that I have an abundance of guy friends, and I do. In fact, the majority of my friends are male. Talking to males and finding nice guys in general is not the problem. Finding nice guys that are interested in in return is the problem.
I don't think flirting just means throwing myself at a guy, and I do flirt with guys that I'm interested in, I just don't flirt with every cute guy that comes down the pike just for the heck of it. Perhaps that wasn't written as clearly as it should have been.
Also, I definitely don't think that I can just sit back and chill and wait for God to hand me a relationship. I'm well aware that life doesn't work like that.
Hey, you've had more dates then I have.
I think I am near the same boat as you, the only downside to me is that I'm homeschool, so.. I don't actually see any male-guy people.
I've never had a real date in my life, because my older sister spent her middle school/high school years as the school slut, so any guy I ever talked to assumed I was easy or that I did drugs like my sister (neither of which are true). I think you're doing everything right, you're being yourself and you're not throwing yourself at every 'cute' guy that you come across (I mean, never judge a book by it's cover). I think what the issue is is that you're just with the age group that all guys think about is 'sex' and things like that (heck, this whole generation only thinks about sex. Besides us nerds that know better then to have that before marriage/with the first guy that comes around). So, maybe you should, just give it a little while, just have fun, hang out with your friends (a date doesn't have to be between you and your boyfriend, you can go hang out with just a male-guy friend before you two decide to 'date' officially). Just be friends with somebody before you ever even think about dating them, that is always best.
I hope you do find 'the one' soon though! And I wish you all of the happiness in the world for when you do!
While it is mostly a Biblical principle for me (the Bible says when two people have sex they become one flesh, and it is not meant to happen outside of marriage), it is also simply from a practical and emotional standpoint. I've seen far too many girls have sex and then feel awful when the guy leaves her for whatever reason. It's a very intimate thing and I think it should only be between you and the person you're going to stay with the rest of your life - there's way less heartbreak that way.
I don't know about you, but I'm personally not a huge fan of STDs...there's my practical reason.
I figure, as a virgin, I can be like anyone else and have sex any time I want, but no one else who has had sex can be like me. It's something that you can't take back once you go that far, and I don't want to go there.
ANYWAY. That's my reasoning. Thanks for asking!!
I know a lot of people who are sexually active and have been for years without ever contracting an STD or accidentally falling pregnant, I just think that you can have more than one great love in your life, and you can't marry them all. I totally believe that in a real relationship sex isn't important, but one could miss out on a lot of intimacy (and yes, I'll say it, fun), by waiting until marriage. Also, I'm pretty sure I would totally freak out on my wedding day i I was a virgin.
Obviously I'm not trying to talk you out of your beliefs, I would never do that and I doubt I'd be able to, I'm just hoping you won't condemn anyone who does have sex before marriage. Does premarital sex mean you go to Hell? I should point out that a friend of mine passed away recently, unmarried but with a 3-month-old daughter. She was nearly 20, and if she hadn't slept with her partner she wouldn't have had her beautiful baby girl, and she would have died without ever knowing the kind of love she had for her fiancé and her child. I'm seriously not trying to be mean, I'm just really curious about religion and faith.
Sorry for that weird ramble :)
I didn't mean to say that everyone who is sexually active before marriage will get STDs, I'm just saying that if you wait it's one less thing to worry about.
I would say that the intimacy and fun is made better when saved for one person, and it isn't as special as it is when you save yourself for marriage. I would only freak out if I was a virgin and my husband wasn't, but if he is, too, then it isn't so much of a big deal.
It is totally not my place to condemn people who have sex before marriage, so don't worry about that.
As far as "does premarital sex mean you go to Hell?", I'm going to answer that in a message to you cuz I don't want to get into that here. Sooo be waiting for a message in your inbox!! :)
Holy crap that was long. ahahaha
I think it's totally okay to go for someone that's outside your general "type", and you shouldn't focus too much on little things because there might be...different flavors of ice cream that you like just as much as the next. :P I do think, however, that having standards is important and if there are certain things that you KNOW you want in a relationship, you shouldn't compromise them.
I understand your point and get that sex is an outlet for guys who have been through emotional pain, I just think that's kind of...I don't know. Stupid. But that's coming from a girl who is wired like a girl and doesn't really get what goes through guy's brains, so.
It would seem that a lot of the "partner" qualities that you've shared are ones that girls want, too, hence why I asked the question in the first place. It really comes down to, if we want the same things, what's the problem?!?!
Thanks for writing such a lengthy, thoughtful reply!!!
Yeah...I kind of got lost in the forest of my own thoughts. A whole lot of what I meant to say didn't actually come out.
What's the problem? For me, consistent rejection seems overwhelming apparent. Women don't get the chance to know who I am, or even give me the chance to explain myself. There are all these love songs that give women this romantic notion that there's only one guy in the world that they can love, which those of us in this discussion know is just flat out not true.
Ladies, take a chance on love ^^