My short little story

I wrote this short little story and was hoping to get some feed back on it so yeah, give me what ever you got just no hating thanks... "only kill a man" by joseph

We stood, us six, heading for the fight. He and I had been facing off for months. He had killed what was important to me, my wife and my family, but he had not killed me. Now I was going to kill him. I had been planning this for weeks. I knew where he was, finally. He had his gang, I had mine. I worked outside the law, he worked against it. He was living in the desert; he had a compound in the Mojave made of a rundown diner and a barn, filled with illegal drugs. I did not care about busting him for drugs, I wanted vengeance, and my vengeance could only be received by his death. We drove out in two jeeps, three in each. We pulled up and walked out strong. I pulled out my .44 magnum and cocked it. He was inside of the store; one of his cronies saw us and ran to get him. They all came out of the store. It was five on six, but they had a shot gun. He faced off outside of the store. He had a magnum like mine in his hand, resting on his shoulder. The one with the shot gun stood angrily staring waiting “You again?” he said. “Me again.” I said. “It took you long enough to track me down again.” He said recalling our last encounter in an old ware house. “Will killing me bring your wife and son back?” he said. “No… but it will make me feel a whole lot better.” I said angrily. “Is there anything I can do to call you off of your vengeful path?” He asked smugly. “Nothing.” I replied. “Well you know what they say, when seeking revenge make sure to dig two graves.” He said cocking his gun. “Well I think I will need more than two graves for all of you.” I said leveling my gun. The first shot was from my gun, I hit the man with the shotgun. He collapsed dead. He leveled his own gun and killed the man next to me. My gang pulled out there pistols and many shots rang out. The shooting stopped when everyone ran out. Two men were left on his side and two on mine. He looked around and realized we all needed to reload. He ran to the car parked in front and his men followed. The key was left inside and he jolted off into the desert. I and my men ran into the car that was left. We drove of after them. I drove and the man in the passenger seat reloaded my gun. “We need to stop him.” I said. They nodded. “Pass me my gun.” I said. I held my gun in my right hand and drove with my right. I leveled my gun and fired off a round. I saw the bullet hit the car but didn’t stop it. “Lower.” I said to myself. I re-aimed and fired. It his lower but did not hit the tire I was aiming for. I took a deep breath and fired. The bullet hit the tire and the car swerved but didn’t stop. The man in the passenger seat pulled out his pistol and fired off a clip and killed the man in the back seat of his car. The Jeep pulled over and the remaining two men got out. I heard their guns fire and felt the man next to me get hit in the shoulder. “GAHHHH!” he yelled in pain, and then his head exploded when the .44 bullet hit his skull. Some blood got on me but I was fine. We reached them and got out of the car firing. I hit and killed the man on his right with two shots. He fired and killed my last man. We were both alone, in the middle of the desert. We circled and faced each other. He smiled and laughed. “Well, it is down to you and it is down to me.” “Just the way I wanted.” I smiled. He nodded. We both leveled our weapons at the same time. I pulled my trigger first. The hammer fell; it was the longest millisecond of my life. I finally heard a click of the hammer hitting the gun, then nothing. I was out of bullets. I dropped the gun and extended my hands out. “Well then.” I said. I pulled my shirt apart showing my bear chest. “Shoot Cethin, you will only kill a man!” I yelled putting my hands up. “I’m not just killing a man, I am killing you.” he said leveling his gun. He pulled his trigger. His hammer fell and clicked, but the gun was empty too. “I have always liked a hand fight.” he said dropping his gun. “Good thing I don’t just have my hands.” I pulled a switch blade out of my pocket and pulled a machete off my back. “Glad I’m not alone either.” He pulled a large knife from his pocket. I ran at him and swung the machete. He blocked it with his knife. I tried to stab at him with my other knife. He moved to the side and let the machete fall to the ground and let the small knife miss him. He tried to stab at my side and I flipped to my front and knocked it down with the machete. He dropped the knife and kicked the machete which was on the ground. It dropped out of my hand and I swung the other knife around toward his head. He ducked and popped back up and hit my arm forcing me to drop my other knife, I grabbed him and threw a punch. It connected to his face. He threw a punch and it connected to my chest. I kicked his legs in and he fell down. He grabbed the knife and came up to stab me. I dodged it and kicked him in the ribs. He dropped the knife I jumped down to get the knife. I got it before he could and concealed it. He did not notice it and jumped up. I jumped up as well and grabbed him. I pulled the knife out and stabbed him. It went into his lower belly ant went into his stomach. He gasped and clutched my shoulder. I pulled the blood covered knife out. He breathed deeply. He pulled me in close and started to talk to me. “It’s my stomach, I have minutes left.” He began. “Wow, it’s over. I thought we would be doing this forever. I am… sorry for what I did. It was supposed to be an empty house. When I meet whatever coming, I hope they will forgive me. You are a brilliant advisory, whatever you do next… I know you will be successful.” he finished. “What does it like, knowing your demise is moments away?” I asked. “Peaceful… very peaceful.” He said. He let go and began to walk out into the desert. He held his hands up in the air and yelled “Now I am becoming an angel!” after this he collapsed and died. I walked over to him and closed his still opened eyes. “I forgive you.” I said to his body. I walked away and leaned against my Jeep and stared into the sky and let tears flow from my eyes for the first time in months. “I am through!” I yelled into the sky. Then I walked over and picked my pistol up. I placed a single bullet in the chamber. I pointed the gun against my head and let the hammer fall and let the bullet come out of the chamber, ending my life without my love.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Alaska Is Beautiful on March 18, 2012 at 12:46am

Wow....I really liked it.

There were grammatical issues...but that is a part of writing (and I can't talk. I am the Queen of Grammar Issues).

I really liked your story. I kind of found the major fight scene between the protagonist and the antagonist to be kind of choppy. I think with a few tweaks here and there it would flow a little better...but that's grammatical as well.

On to the story:

I think it is great. I love the raw emotion of the protagonist and his quick transformation from being blinded by the need for revenge to forgiving the person who he wanted so desperately to kill (after killing him, of course, but that is aside from the point).

And I know that quote, "Shoot, coward. You will only kill a man." I can't rememeber who...but I remember the quote itself.

All in all I think it was really great. I like how you are not afraid to focus on the darker parts of life. And you portrayed so much in a short story (I'm terrible at writing those).