Nerdfighters

Okay, so like most people in this group, I am a pretty shy/quiet person. Therein lies the problem. I have this guy friend that I have developed feelings for. We have a lot in common, like we're both obsessed with Doctor Who and Sherlock and we love anything by Joss Whedon. We talk a LOT, and sometimes I get the feeling that he's into me, but I'm like laskdfkasd whenever I try and ask him if he wants to hang out sometime. What do?

Tags: ahhhhhh, is, love, man, weird

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Replies to This Discussion

As a wise man once said, "Use your words!"

I agree with Joe. Well, John, really, but whatever. You can also hang out in a group setting so you have more than just each other to talk to. Maybe have a double date with a couple of mutual friends. I recommend going bowling, but that's just me. But definitely do your best to communicate how you feel. Good luck! :) 

Being a shy girl is slightly more difficult than being a shy guy, because women are expected to be a bit shy in our culture and wait for the guy to make the first move.  I don't like this at all, especially because it means you take more of a risk than a guy if the guy you like happens to subscribe to this view.  On the other hand, if he thinks that way, well, he may not be worth it.  But whatev, it sounds like you guys have enough in common to be friends, but how do you know if it's something more?  Does he make an effort to hang out with you, like making the phone calls or asking you to go places?

This is what worked for my husband and I (we're both shy): He started adding my name to the group emails he'd send out for a hangout with mutual friends. (I think someone else may have been sending out the emails before that, actually.) Battlestar night, poker night, board game night. We both (I just asked him this right now) made a discreet, yet determined effort to sit next to each other.

Keep it general and low-key until you feel a little more comfortable, but at some point you'll have to take a little bit of a chance. For us, it started with sitting next to each other at a movie. (Still a group outing at this point.) Our shoulders were touching and I didn't know if it was on purpose or whether he had noticed, but I sure as heck wasn't moving mine away first. He was apparently thinking along the same lines. Kinda small and cheesy, yes, but it made me a little (very little) bolder. 

I texted him a couple of times in the next couple of days and *eep!* he texted back. And at the next hangout, a Battlestar night, I sat next to him on the couch and put my hand on the couch next to his. And inched... no, millimetered it toward his until they were touching and then, when that seemed to go well, millimetered my fingers through his until we were holding hands. (Yes, I know; sugar-coated cheesy.) I know none of that sounds particularly bold or chance-taking, but I bet you understand how it felt. You can do this. Little, itty-bitty steps. Pay attention, watch for your chances, and take them. Even if they're tiny. We're all rooting for you!

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