A Little Revision Help?

[Carissa Mahorney]

I've been working on this short memoir story for a while now, and I think I've almost got it to the point where it is "finished" but I would really like to take it through a least one more revision before I try have it published in something.  It is called "Grace" and I originally started working on it for a memoir class I took last year.  It is not very long (about 2,000 words) and I would really love it if you guys could read it over and tell me anything you had questions about/didn't get or any suggestions you might have.  Thanks.

 

if the above link didn't work it is also here: http://largerthanlifeus.tumblr.com/grace

[Cameron (Biscuit Chief)]

I think it's very good, well written. I think it's definatly fine, and very gritty, and on that, the line where you mention " no amount of dawn could" or something like that, I think that is kind of too much of a joke for something this dark. It takes you out of the flow, for just a moment.

[Carissa Mahorney]

thanks

[Cameron (Biscuit Chief)]

Very sincere thank you...