Review my Query!

[Odd]

I'm getting ready to send out my query letters and I'm terrified.  I thought that there may be people like me out there who want to get some non bias responses to our letters before we send them out to the world of scary agents. So I thought this would be a good place for it. So anyone out there trying to pimp their book post your query letter here and lets see if we can help one another! 

[Odd]

Attn. Nerdfighteria,
Adapting to a new school and a new family is hard enough, but when Ophelia joins a group of teens with supernatural powers she must choose sides in battle of good against evil for the very soul of the town.
Ophelia is a foster child who has been bounced around from family to family and has never felt like she belonged. She has always kept to herself in order to hide her supernatural powers from the people around her. When told that she is moving again Ophelia believes that the new town and her new family will be just like all the others. She couldn’t be more wrong.
Previously, Ophelia has always avoided others with powers out of fear. Now as she starts her junior year of high school, Ophelia is horrified to find herself stuck in the midst of a black clad underground group of supernatural teens. With the help of their leader, Lord Krane, Ophelia comes to terms with her powers and finally starts to fit in with her new friends and family. However, the more Ophelia becomes a part of the group, the more she is a witness to the malicious pranks that the members inflict upon those who are powerless to defend themselves.
When a student mysteriously is killed, Ophelia wonders if members of the group are to blame. As the group breaks apart Ophelia and her friends must ban together to take a stand and use their powers to protect the safety of those they love. But how can a group of teens solve a murder and at the same time hide their powers from the rest of the community? Can these teens maintain a façade of normalcy and keep up with their classes while they are under constant attack from group members who were once their friends?
“The Court of Miracles” is the first book in a three part series. It is complete at around 104,000 words. This novel follows Ophelia’s growth as she learns to be a part of a family, makes lasting friendships, and struggles to control her powers. It is filled with dark humor and action. The story also provides glimpses into today’s popular gothic subculture. It delivers a powerful message about resisting peer pressure, avoiding complacency, and standing up for what is right. Song lyrics that help to make the story even more appealing are also featured. We are currently contacting artists to gain permission to use these lyrics within the novels. The novel is complete and ready to be sent when requested. Short summaries for the two others stories in the series are also available upon request.
“The Court of Miracles” is written by Audrey Wright, who works with adolescents as a special education teacher. She lives in Phoenix with her husband Neil, her daughter Olivia, and her sister in law Christina. She also performs in an Industrial Band called AcidicA with her husband. Her website which contains more information on this book as well as her other projects is www.theaudreywright.com . “The Court of Miracles” is her first completed novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Audrey Wright



So, if you were an agent would you want to read this book? If not then tell me what you think it needs? I appreciate any help I can get.

[Odd]

Caety: THANK YOU. For some reason it wasn't until you said something that I noticed that at some point the font was made small and the letter was hella long. So I put the font where it should be.....saw how long it was....panicked.... and started slashing at the darned thing like a cheaply done 80's horror flick. So here is what is left.


Think that dealing with a new home, family, and school is tough? Try doing all that while battling teens that can transmute metal, breathe fire, or control your mind.
“The Court of Miracles” is a novel that follows Ophelia, a foster child who has never felt like she belonged. She has always kept to herself in order to hide her supernatural powers from the people around her. When told that she is moving again Ophelia believes that the new town and her new family will be just like all the others. She couldn’t be more wrong.
Now as she starts her junior year of high school, Ophelia is horrified to find herself stuck in the midst of a secret black clad underground group of supernatural teens. However, the more Ophelia becomes a part of the group, the more she is a witness to the malicious pranks that the members inflict upon those who are powerless to defend themselves. As the group breaks apart Ophelia and her new friends must band together to take a stand and use their powers to protect the safety of those they love.
“The Court of Miracles” is the first book in a three part series. It is complete at around 104,000 words. It is written by Audrey Wright, a special education teacher who works with adolescents. She lives in Phoenix with her husband, daughter, and sister in law. She performs in an Industrial band with her husband. Thank you for taking the time to consider this book.