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My story.

Hmm it has some mistakes, hope you like it anyway. :)
Here we go:

It was just another usual day at the hotel by the bright ocean. There were only a few clouds in the sky and the wind was blowing gently. There was no new guests around, except two. No one had been counting the days there, but it was supposed to be a midspirng day.
A slender young man was wandering around the coast, grumbling, with his hands in his pockets. His black hairas neither short nor long, his greey eyes seemed obviously confused but also a bit excited. He was like looking for something he had lost.
“Austin?” said the manager to himself, who was taking a glance at the young man from his office’s window. “Austin.”
However, Austin was too busy to realize him watch, with his head in the clouds, lost in deep thoughts. He had never wanted to come here, he even hadn’t any memories about him and his sister’s childhood. “Think it as a holiday.” He murmured patiently. “No more than a holiday.” Then, he kept on searching for his missing backpack.
He didn’t notice the sparking-eyed girl of medium height approaching either. Anyone could say she was so cheerful –maybe a bit more than necessary under those conditions- because she was smiling even when she came nearer the young man who didn’t look to be content about anything at that moment.
They accidentally ran into each other. “Ouch!” cried Austin as though he had been dreaming, but when their eyes met, he became much nicer. The girl looked extremely sorry for what had happened. There was something different about her. No, nothing at all when you take a look: her golden hair was surrounding her long face, her skin was pretty pale and she had some childish freckles. No different than a usual 21-years-old girl. But the only eye catching thing about her was the look in her giggling eyes.
-Oh sorry, said Austin.
-No problem.
-So… It’s Austin, what about you?
The girl paused for a while and slightly smiled, Austin was kind of amazed that he didn’t even wonderwhy.
-Amanda.
They sat there on a rock and talked for a few hours. Austin had already forgotten what he was doing and why. The whole world was way more meaningful than it had ever been, everything was marvellous –including the little butterflies in his stomach- and even the manager of the hotel might not be suspicious about his weird manners. But all of a sudden his backpack came up to his mind so he stared around. Then, he heard Amanda’s friendly voice:
-Is this yours?
-Oh yes! Where was it?
-Ahh I found it just over there.
-Thanks, thanks!
He looked at his watch, not sure how much time passed by. It was already half past ten. He knew he had to leave for his meeting and sighed.
-Oh no. I had better go now. I’m almost late.
He really meant what he said. He didn’t want to go away at all.
-See you soon! said Amanda and smiled expressively.
Austin grabbed his backpack and rushed into the entrance where he should have been waiting at for his stepsister. She must already have been there. He sat on a bank next to the door, and looked for the piece of paper on which some instructions about the meeting was written, for a while.
Instead, he found another one which said, “Hey brother. “

Discussion Forum

My novel's prologue: Thoughts? 5 Replies

Started by Alexandria Reardon. Last reply by Lea O 37 minutes ago.

Bit of help for you 4 Replies

Started by Miss Craw. Last reply by Miss Craw on Tuesday.

Please Read This and Comment Possible improvements. 2 Replies

Started by Bridget Heuvel. Last reply by MoAde M Jagusah on Monday.

Comment Wall

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Comment by David N on June 17, 2014 at 8:14am

@Amy Lassiter


Sure! Post a link and contact, or start a discussion.

Comment by Amy Lassiter on June 16, 2014 at 4:37pm
I recently wrote a screenplay and I'd love for some feedback! :) Ill post a link if anyone's interested
Comment by Chloe Belton on June 12, 2014 at 4:24pm

Cool. Thanks, I'll start one tomorrow

Comment by David N on June 12, 2014 at 3:29pm

@Chloe Belton

This may not be the place to discuss such an intricate screenplay. Perhaps start a discussion, where we can talk?

Comment by Chloe Belton on June 12, 2014 at 11:38am

I'm thinking about writing this screen play. But before I start it, I was going to ask what you guys would think about something like this. Its pretty much for Disney when they final have homosexual people. It centers around a lady in "the Middle Ages" (there are like fairies and stuff so it isn't all that accurate), let us call her Emma. Her father was a knight who killed so many dark creatures he was eventually was awarded by becoming a Duke. When Emma is in her childhood she is playing around the grounds when she starts chasing a butterfly. She chases it so far she gets lost deep in the woods and the butterfly becomes a sorceress who trys to murder Emma because of pay back. Emma escapes and a curse goes after her,though its impossible to tell if it hit her or not. Emma becomes a teenager and needs to marry. But when the match making begins she realizes that she isn't attracted to boys at all. She is a lesbian and assumes that this is the curse that the sorceress threw at her. The night before her wedding she runs away, and pretends to be a boy in a nearby village. Emma eventually falls in love with a girl there lets call her Ashely, who thinks Emma is Edmund. But when bandits ransack the village Emma sneaks back into her castle so the villiagers won't starve and gets caught. She is being hung for "sorcery" by the Duke that would have married her who is now pissed and all the villages have to come and watch. Ashely recognizes Emma the day before the hanging and sneaks into the dungeon that night. Emma tells her everything and Ashely says she loves her. Emma realizes that she wasn't cursed after all, it had missed. And they run away happily ever after. Its a bit more complex, but this post is getting long

Comment by Hewson Polston on June 12, 2014 at 2:04am
Thanks Alanna, that works, because my best friend is a writer too
Comment by Alanna Bouloy on June 9, 2014 at 2:42pm

Hewson,

I'm currently in the process of revising a novel so I can tell you what works for me. Feel free to take whatever you think might be useful to you. I know a lot of writers say that it's a good idea to let your story sit for awhile until it's no longer fresh in your mind. That way when you go back to revise you're able to look at it objectively (or as objectively as possible anyway). You might not want to do this but I find that some distance helps me see major issues. I suggest fixing any major plot inconsistencies before you begin stressing over word order or grammar. Decide what you think adds to the story and what you think could probably get deleted. Once you've done the major rewrites and figured out which scenes you want to keep, then it's best to send out copies to some writers that you trust to help you edit it. You don't have to do everything they suggest (go with your gut) but oftentimes it helps to get someone else's perspective. It's especially helpful if A) these people are writers themselves and B) if they have a particular interest in the genre you're writing. Once you have their feedback feel free to go back over your manuscript and mark what you think needs fixing. Keep going over your manuscript until you're satisfied with what you've done. If something doesn't feel right then it's a good sign that you can still fix something. Of course if you're a perfectionist then don't stress out if it feels like you can never get it perfect, because that won't ever happen. Trust me. I hope some of this helps! :)

Comment by Hewson Polston on June 9, 2014 at 4:15am
This summer I'm writing a story, and I'm 33,000 words into what I think is going to be about 50,000 words. My question for the writing forums is how do I edit it once I'm done? I already know that this isn't exactly the story I'd like it to be. I know some of the things I need to rewrite, add, and take out, but is this the right thing to do? Please, more experienced writers, can you help me with this process?
Comment by Danno on June 6, 2014 at 6:52pm

indeed.  i don't know your story, but yeah, some details may need expanding... but i'd be surprised if you're only adding...

Comment by Samruddhi on June 5, 2014 at 11:24am
Alexandra, I admire you for going the distance of 10,000 really.
That's great.
As for the 15,000-20,000 for first draft, it pretty nuch depends upon your story but generally people go the other way round. I mean, you should cut down on things while editing instead of adding them.
That's how I think it should be done, but maybe this method would be more preferable for your story- which I don't know anything about.

Let us know how well you are getting on with it. And may the odds be ever in your favor. :)
 

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