O_o

It occurs to me that no one on this site really has any idea who the hell I am. Which is cool, I don't know any of you people either. :) I got hooked on the vlogs a few weeks ago, and decided to try it out. Thus far, it seems to be a pretty good networking site for people who don't view drinking as an activity, have read books for fun in the last year, and can hold a conversation about some of the more esoteric interests I have. So I guess if people see this and read it, bitchin'. Friend me on… Continue

Not sure if this can make song lyrics or not. But that's how it feels to me.







Seems to me, it seems to me

Things aren't what I thought they’d be.

Seems to me, it seems to me

I’m blinded by what you could be.



Seems to me, it seems to me

You used to make me feel so free.

Seems to me, it seems to me

I’ve gone from we back down to me.



Rosy contacts steal my sight,

Your colors bright like movie lights.

When nothing I… Continue

Getting bad at coming up with titles. Ah well.





Rapid tides of chemicals rise

to fill the ducts below my eyes

and freeze my stride

the waves subside

to beach me on the rocks.



Force of will to force the brain

to function under cross-force strain

extreme to extreme

to extreme to scream

to tears with no provocation.



Tension spasms wrack my back

with knots like granite I can’t crack

the muscles squirm

like… Continue

Today's itenerrary: 4 hours on music library desk, broken up by an hour sitting in the sun eating sushi and an hour of shelving/clean up/closing.



Following that, tonight I need to practice.



And following that, I dunno. Video games if nothing else presents itself. :) It's cool to be running into a lot of Arizona nerdfighters, but everyone seems to be high school girls (except for one so far). And while nerdfighter gatherings are cool, and I have an almost guarantee that… Continue

Razor lines on cement slice the sun to shade and scarlet segments

beams of physics flash the grass and grate the souls off of my shoes.

Rising breath spent from these nostrils hangs in air of equal temperature

and everywhere my eyes rest there are images of blue.



Every nerve in every tooth paints lines of pain and every folicle

on arms and legs and scalp and cock complain like withered men.

Pretty sand is pretty dirt and that's the color of these… Continue

I think I may have more music in my head than I have the talent for.



I think that I should definitely get counseling, even though I did really good for about two weeks there. Had... not really an anxiety attack yesterday, but a return of that feeling of low grade out of control. Like when the roads are icy and you can see that you're going to coast into someone 30 yards away at 5 miles an hour. Some days are like that ALL DAY.



I still don't have an accompanist. If you're… Continue

Hummingbirds are almost enough

to make me care if God exists.



There's a place I go to every Saturday at one in the afternoon that's become important to my mental well-being. It's the most alone, and consequently, healthy I feel all week. There are plants, and birds (and rocks and things?), and the voices I do hear are muted. Except on days like today, when my sanctum is invaded by small talking strangers.



It took me a while just now to come up with a word for them… Continue

Eyebursts



Astronauts see lights and flashes

even when they close their eyes in space.

The lights are the storms of super-energy

normally blocked by our magnetosphere.

Photons that that flash on retinas

even with the shades closed.

They say the field is collapsing,

and north and south will switch soon

(for a given value of soon, anyhow)

due to the internal dynamo action

which keeps us all.

I hope I get to see that happen.

I… Continue

I'm not sure if writing while intoxicated helps or hinders or even changes my process. I like to think it hinders it, that I have something special when I'm clear headed and thinking straighter. But at the same time, I have to think that there are processes so firmly stitched into my being that no amount of chemical influence will effect them (beyond, that is, my compromised ability to type).



I wish it were not a human thing, to treat coming down from that state of fuzz as really… Continue

I used to play in the upstairs bathroom before college and adulthood happened to me. There were switches in there, much like in any other bathroom or person. We had fish stencil painted on the walls, fish window clings on the mirror... my mom was a whirlwind of Hobby Lobby materials back when she let herself be happy some times.



I like things to be on or off. The lights in most bathrooms, the fans, they go on and off. Some people get fancy sliders in their living rooms, but you never… Continue

Enough! Enough of these hoops and things I must do.

Enough! Enough history and letters and music, taxes and adult things.

Enough! Enough lines started this way. No more.



I played. That's what I do. Whenever I'm working... really working at what's important to me, I'm playing. I played "You Came a Long Way from St. Louis" twenty-nine hours ago. And boy ain't that the truth:



"Well baby, I got news for you,

I'm from Missouri too,

So, naturally, I got my… Continue

Foreign Objects





There are cells in the body.

Cells in the body that are just blocks

blocks of matter that are ignored.

Ignored by the blood cells

by the blood cells and antibodies.



They don't register,

don't register as anything.

As anything important.



They are just matter,

matter, space, whatever you want.

You want to know what they are?

They are the in-betweens.

In-between people.



Somedays I… Continue