You have expressed interest in joining the elite of the elite, the cream of the crop, the purist ivory tower within this pitiful filth kids nowadays call a website. This group is known as 'No Nerdfighters Allowed' and is humbly extending it’s hard to you.
You have expressed interest in joining our ever growing and purest of ranks, and I congratulate you on being accepted as a potential member. Take pride in this honor, as of the present only 1:19,897 even get the chance to join our elite ranks and of that percentage 100% has been accepted. This is however only because of their sheer devotion and willingness to the cause. The members within the group had to go through intense hazing, donate a large portion of their life to the cause, and to deep down understand the feelings and turmoil of the anti-nerdfighter plight.
This challenge now falls upon your hands. Will you rise to the occasion and join your brethren at the top. I know the entirety of 'No Nerdfighters Allowed' wishes you the best of luck in your application process.
The application process is harsh, tiresome, and to some even brutal, but I have the utmost confidence in your ability to drive forward and continue with this process. If you are willing to accept the responsibility of striving toward a better life for yourself all you must do is answer a few simple questions to complete the first step in the registration process.
Please fill in the required information. Do not assume or take guesses, please take the time to fill out all required information perfectly. Unanswered questions or false answers will terminate your chances to gain access to the group and will beseech legal fines up to $50,000. By responding to this message with any information you accept the consequences of falsifying any answers.
The age you will die at:
Occupation at the moment:
Your future occupations:
Number of light bulbs in your house:
Take the amount of school spirit expressed in your middle school career and divide that by the number of friends you obtained* in your high school years (*Note: Do not include friends you had before high school, only the ones you earned during your high school years.):
The amount of money you feel would be appropriate to pay in order to gain acceptance in this group:
Have you ever expressed any interest in owning a rocket ship: Y/N
Have you ever owned a rocket ship: Y/N
Do you own a rocket ship at the present: Y/N
Why the hell not?:
Are you a dirty* communist? (*Note: If you are a clean communist, please answer no. This question is only meant to separate those who are communists and also dirty. If you need clarification of the definition of “a dirty communist”, please just take a trip down to your closest retirement home and ask.): Y/N
Did you participate in the revolutionary war: Y/N
Do you enjoy doing activities that you do not enjoy?: Y/N
If so, Explain:
Have you ever done anything you have not done: Y/N
If so, Explain:
This concludes the first part of your application. After you send in the first part of the application, please allow 1-2 non-business days to process your application through our patented paper shredder. If your application is accepted, you shall receive a follow up Email dictating the next step you must take in order to join 'No Nerdfighters Allowed'.
Best regards and again once again congratulations,
Alan, President Senior Number One Awesome Chief Guy of 'No Nerdfighters Allowed'
hey! i'm swell, thanks. and the UK is quite lovely too -- it's a bit chilly and rainy nowadays but I don't mind seeing as how I never ever get weather like this back home. I'm on winter break now though so I'm heading off to Kuwait to visit some family and then alllllll the way back to California. It's going to be exhausting but fun. and hopefully I'll get some studying in there too :D
how's life for you?