i like puns.

bolded are the ones i'm thinking of getting tattooed.

"some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. if you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore." - Lady Gaga

“…Is it better to be loved than feared, or vise versa? … if you have to make a choice, to be feared is much safer than to be loved. For it is a general rule about men, that they are ungrateful, fickle, liars and deceivers, fearful of danger, and greedy for grain. While you serve their welfare, they are all yours, but when the danger is close at hand, they turn against you… The reason is that love is a link of obligation which men, because they are rotten, will break any time they think doing so serves their advantage; but fear involves dread of punishment, from which they will never escape” -[the misandrous] N. Machiavelli (The Prince) 

"In the beginning the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has widely been considered as a bad move." - The Book; Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." - FDR

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." - Winston Churchill

"United We Stand, Divided We Fall." - Abraham Lincoln

John Green Quotes - From His Various Books & Videos

“At some point, you gotta stop looking up at the sky, or one of these days you’ll look back down and see that you floated away, too.”

“You don’t live happily ever after. You just live.”

“What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.”

“Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we’re quoting.”

“If people could see me the way I see myself—if they could live in my memories—would anyone, anyone, love me?”

“Here’s what’s not beautiful about it: from here, you can’t see the rust or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what the place really is. You see how fake it all is. It’s not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It’s a paper town. I mean look at it, Q: look at all those cul-de-sacs, those streets that turn in on themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm. All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. And all the people, too. I’ve lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters.”

“Here’s to all the places we went. And all the places we’ll go. And here’s me, whispering again and again and again, ‘I love you’”

“When you stopped wishing things wouldn’t fall apart, you’d stop suffering when they did.”

“Because memories fall apart, too. And then you’re left with nothing, left not even with a ghost but with its shadow.”

“There comes a time when we realize that our parents can not save themselves or save us. That everyone who wades through time eventually gets dragged out to sea by the undertow-that in short, we are all going.”

“I finally decided that people believed in an afterlife because they couldn’t bear not to.”

“Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war.”

“I just did some calculations and I’ve been able to determine you’re full of shit”

“You just use the future to escape the present.”

“Nothing ever happens like you imagine it will,” she says

“What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?”

“And then something invisible inside her snapped, and that which had come together commenced to fall apart.”

“I may die young, but at least I’ll die smart.”

“The Great Perhaps was upon us, and we were invincible. The plan may have had faults, but we did not.”

“The town was paper, but the memories were not.”

“It’s so hard to leave -- until you leave. Then it’s the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”

“I feel like I deserve someone who consistently likes me”