All Blog Posts Tagged 'role' (82)

universal lint

42.belt of contemplation.
Some people think you can gain great wisdom by meditating on your belly button. This belt was made by a subset of those people that think wisdom should be open to all, and thus when wearing this, floating in front of all people withing 100 yards of the wearer will see their belly button floating in front of them. it will even talk to them, and say "think of me! Meditate of the world! What, your fighting an ogre? HE can mediate too! Isn't it lovely?"

Added by Pete on March 4, 2008 at 2:00pm — No Comments

Now with blast proccessing!!!

41.Armor of hedgehog resistance.

This is a favorite among large egg shaped villains, but few other people for some odd reason. We are trying to open up the market, if you have any suggestions about this one, just let us know! Basically this armor negates the first 7 spin jump attacks from jumping spinning hedgehogs (and for some reason two tailed foxes and chinchillas with over sized knuckles), it is true that there is total failure on the eighth hit and you may have to run off screaming… Continue

Added by Pete on March 3, 2008 at 1:00pm — No Comments

Hair of the dog that bit that guy

40.Sobriety punch
Think drink causes sobriety, in the people around you, you yourself are downright drunk! Slip a mark this fun little potion and watch their antics of drunkenness while everyone around them becomes cold stone sober and can recall everything he is doing. In the morning imagine the conversations: "Wow, what a dream I had" "No, it was not, now give me my underwear back". Hours of fun!

Added by Pete on February 29, 2008 at 12:30pm — No Comments

The agony of de-feet

39.Boots of 'Can you hit me now?'

We know of fortified armor, that reduces or eliminates the chance of extra damage from sneak attacks. These not only make it easier to be hit, but there is a 25% chance any hit against the wearer is a critical! And all criticals against the wearer are doubled. Grand fun if your rival takes there shoes off at night so you can swap them with this pair *paint kit to make them match included!). Also, if they don't wear boots, we also sell a shoe insert with… Continue

Added by Pete on February 28, 2008 at 12:30pm — No Comments

make a noise like a dying giraffe

38. Helmet of 'le resistance'
Wearing this helmet not only gives you a +5 bonus to speeches against the ruling government, it compels you to do so at the most inconvenient times! Guard show up? The wearer is talking about the violence inherent in the system! Hiding from an enemy? They start yelling about being oppressed. Sure to add to anyones vocabulary!

Added by Pete on February 27, 2008 at 2:00pm — No Comments

ashes to ashes, fletching to feathers

37. Shield of arrow defection
This shield is AMAZING. It blocks like nothing, and looks spiffy too. However, all arrows that come within 50 feet of it before being fired become defective. Fletching falls off, points dull, shafts break. And best of all, it will be weeks before that elf figures out how you are doing it. A must for parties with annoying archers.

Added by Pete on February 26, 2008 at 5:30pm — No Comments

its pronounced Crow-shay

36.Book - how to Crotchet armor

Learn this little known but valuable skill, why spend hours of manual labor sweating in a hot forge hammering pieces of metal together, when you can have fun with balls of yarn. Hrm....Yarn, *Bat Bat, Bat Bat*...oh...sorry. When you can get the balls of yarn away from the cats, you can make all sorts of partial or full armor out of any garishly colored fabric. Of course, you COULD just use the instructions and make mittens and hats, but we think armor is… Continue

Added by Pete on February 25, 2008 at 3:30pm — No Comments

who let the dogs out?

35.Potion of barking skin
Barkskin is great for defensive measures. but for pure fun, try this! The targets skin becomes covered in fur, and the major joints all grow a small dog head of a random breed, poodle, great dane, etc...and all start barking like mad. This spell actually does provide greater protection than barkskin, but makes you automatically fail all move silently checks. Use it on yourself, and use it often, your party will love you for it!

Added by Pete on February 22, 2008 at 12:00pm — No Comments

resist eviction

34.Scroll of 'Lease restoration'

We all know the story, a party goes out adventuring, and when they get back, their rented and leased homes have been sort or reposessed because they were gone too long. This handy scroll will restore the leases. AT least, thats what you tell people, thing is, we have no guarantee as to how the new lease will compare to their old one. It could be much better, or worse, but it will cost the same. You could end up with a moldy cave, or a palatial resort.… Continue

Added by Pete on February 21, 2008 at 3:30pm — No Comments

I don't have an attitude problem, I enjoy it!

33.Scroll of cure serious attitude

Picture this: the evil wizard's tower is just ahead, your party has had a confrontation with the guard and barely survived. To cheer the party up as you hide in a secluded cave, you, naturally, dress up as a leprechaun and hit people in the face with pies. This does not go over well, and the paladin starts lecturing you on how this "Is a serious situation". Just whip out this scroll and start chanting. Soon, he will be filled with the spirit of gnomish… Continue

Added by Pete on February 20, 2008 at 6:00pm — No Comments

calling the jerky boys

32.ring of djinni prank calling

The djinni calling ring gives you the ability to summon one. This one lets you call them up, and make prank calls! Amusing and fun! Use all the classics, is your refrigerator running? Do you have prince albert in a can? Hours of nonstop fun. And as a bonus, if you are unable to come up with a prank call, it will use a magical voice and make one for you. Plus our special anti scrying measures will make it tricky for the elemental to track you down. of course,… Continue

Added by Pete on February 19, 2008 at 4:30pm — No Comments

No need to draw cards!

31.Duck of many things
Its a duck, its a doctor, its a fishing expert! Its many many things. And it changes what it is every 1d4 minutes. Just hope thats not in the middle of a first aid check on you! Its fun, its wild, its schizophrenic fun! Watch it run hop and skip at insane speed all over the place doing every conceivable task! Popular for gnome sorcerers/wizards familiars. Get one today!

Added by Pete on February 18, 2008 at 10:00am — No Comments

never at a loss for ideas. GOOD ones? well....

30.Potion of invisibility

But you say, "Oh handsome studly gnome mart salesman, we already HAVE potion of invisibility! Why make an alchohaulic one?" To which we say, yes, they exist, but not like THIS! This makes you invisible, but people keep acting like you are there and forget you are invisible. The npcs can't see you, but the other players keep acting as if they can see you. er...on second thought isn't that how most work anyway? about the POTION OF INFINITE HEALING!… Continue

Added by Pete on February 15, 2008 at 1:30pm — No Comments

here sluggy sluggy

29.Scroll of 'Slugs endurance'

Who cares about bears? (unless your name has a silent T in it of course). This spell grants the same benefits as 'bears endurance' and for the duration makes the target incredibly allergic to salt. This scroll ships with a free bag of overly salted nacho cheese chips with every order! The most notable use of this scroll was done by mcfelster higleworth yonker blasphemer gossamer, when his party was exploring a salt mine. Replicas of his parties log for that… Continue

Added by Pete on February 14, 2008 at 4:00pm — No Comments

torrent torrent away

28.Scroll of 'True protection from law'
Ok, the normal one just protects you from attacks of those with the lawful alignment. handy, but limited. This one gives you a major bonus against all forms of law! Great for robbing banks, being a fugitive or downloading music!(whatever that means) If you are a rogue and have a Paladin in the party, this could be darn handy.

Added by Pete on February 13, 2008 at 2:30pm — No Comments

useful at thanksgiving

27.Scroll of 'Endure Relatives'
Not a joke, just a handy to have item! This mystical spell will provide a +5 mental resistance to annoyance against all relatives, and a +10 against in-laws. A must for family get togethers and reunions. It also forces people to roll vrs a dc 15 before they can ask probing questions of you, or for your relatives from telling embarrassing stories about you to other people! For a true joke item, check out our scroll of 'invoke relatives wrath'

Added by Pete on February 12, 2008 at 7:30pm — No Comments

this little light of mine, they are going to your brain?

26.Lampshade of 'hide undead'

Ok, we all know you are secretly into necromancy, right? well even if you are, odds are your party might not be. So how are you going to hide all those zombies you keep making? Try our lampshades of 'hide undead'! simply place of shade on each undeads head, and viola! they will take on the appearance of a lamp. At least we think it is a lamp, it gives light but the glowing part is not fire, but some sort of glass bulb. The mysteries of gnomic magic we suppose.… Continue

Added by Pete on February 11, 2008 at 3:30pm — No Comments

make a super bowl ad for this one!

25.Lite and Light Beer

I know, I know, the usual regular lite beer belongs in the practical joke file, but this stuff is all that and more. The same horrid taste, the same reduced calories, but even more alcohol. But what makes this one good? It is truly light, or lite! each six pack contains at least one of each. The lite beer reduced your weight to a negative number causing you to float about like a balloon, hopefully this should not kick in till they are in the tent, otherwise i hope… Continue

Added by Pete on February 8, 2008 at 3:30pm — No Comments

Who needs a babblefish?

24.Wax lips of communication
These handy wax lips allow anyone to understand you, and has the side effect of making you look like a duck. A duck with wax lips. Many a solid negotiation has come about from this, many along the lines of 'We come in peace!" "Um, tasty duck, thog like eating duck, yummy!" Um...I am not a duck!" "You look like a duck!" "I got better" Great fun for all! Stew pot not included.

Added by Pete on February 7, 2008 at 12:30pm — No Comments

alice in wonderland take two

23.The don't eat me cake

This magical cake will taste just great, and not appear to have any special effects. However starting the next day, and for all that day Everything they try to eat will start talking, and beg them not to eat them. They will tell jokes, have witty conversation, or anything to distract the mark from eating them. All this talking however only takes place in the marks mind, so everyone else will just see them talking to themselves! great fun for parties and bah… Continue

Added by Pete on February 6, 2008 at 4:30pm — No Comments

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