NEW APARTMENT

[Deb S]

All right. I'm finally getting around to posting some photos. I promised the folks (see what I did there?) photos 3 weeks ago. First, can you BELIEVE this candelabra?! I bought it yesterday from Michaels. It's for Halloween but it's foreEVER for me. However, it's flocked and after a time it may get pretty dusty. Don't know how well you can dust flocking. But never mind. It will just add to the Miss Haversham thing. I LOVE it!!

Did a 360 degree thing of the living room-bedroom-dining room-office, the bathroom required a photo sweep collage, and a tour of the kitchen.

But first I should talk about moving. Well, not the moving part - arf arf, turn the page, but the weirded out in small ways that I seem to be. I'm beginning to get used to it but at first I was befuddled. FLUMMOXED. I guess I thought everything should be completely different, as if I haven't moved 10 thousand times in my life. But I mean little things like making coffee. "Ok, how does this thing work?" Same Mr. Coffee I've had for 15 years. It happened again today when I was uploading photos from my camera to the computer. "Ok, how do I do this?" Same camera. Same computer. Same programs. WTF!? Maybe it's because many of my moves were LARGE. Like different electrical current kind of large. But that's been a while. How WEIRD is that? Very funny.

OK. The apartment. I think I shall call it "the Diarama" because the main room is pretty much the same dimensions as a shoe box. It's like I'm fixing a little box into a living area. For Barbie. The bedroom (it's really my art room) sort of goes off to the left at the back. Makes me really curious about the layout of the apartment next door. Anyway, the HUGE design problem, scratch that, CHALLENGE, was the effing beigie mauvie pukie carpet. Alright it's here, it's not going away. I WILL continue to see it even if I try not to so I guess I have to embrace it (sort of). So I bought a coupla pink Indian cotton bedspreads and made 2 pillow slips from 'em for 2 big Ikea pillows for the couches. One couch, my old green one and the LITTLE GIRL BED I bought which acts as other couch by day. Presto Change-o. Only one bedroom here and I need it for an artroom so gotta sleep in the front room. Hung my favorite thrift shop painting (you know the one, the abstract) above my little girl bed (it has pink in it) and bought a couple little Big Lots pillows with the other colors on 'em. I bought a cream area rug at Ikea for the sitting area (so I wouldn't have to look at the pukie color so much) and put my cream shaggy thing in the office/dining area. Rug is ancient. It needs to go to the cleaner's again.

Then what do do about the curtains. Well, first I took down those vertical clack-clack things - they had to go. I usually do just white or off-white curtains 'cuz I have so much artwork on the wall there needs to be a place where eyes can go to stop the strobing effect. (Epileptic seizure avoidance) But I still wanted my eyes pulled up from the pukie rug so what to do? What to DO? THEN I saw these panels at Pier 1. LOVED 'EM. They're a great take on old damask curtains/davenport (!) fabric. Just sort of simplified, stamped black on white -- comic bookie. Very Droog Design feel. They're the Dutch design team in the '80's that did so many cool funny things. "Droog" means dry. As in dry sense of humor. So all these years later that aesthetic trickles down to Target/Pier 1 type places. Nope that sounds elitist. I mean ripples out to Target/Pier 1. COOL. So I hardly see the puke now.

I still need to photograph the art room but next weekend I have a play date with a friend and her kids for arting so I'd rather take those shots filled with busy little artists.

OK photos in comments.

[Mel]

Wow Keeley. you hit my nail on the head, the needing to go to a safe place that isn't there anymore. Damn brain indeed. I'm currently obsessed with my inability to let go of the past, in fact I'm more interested in it now than ever before, sort of like an archaeological expedition, trying to decode the heiroglyphics and figure something - anything - out, while the other half of my brain keeps needling me with the big So What?
Did that make sense? I'm afraid that fear will rule my life forever, when I yearn for fearlessness and fight nightmares of every variety after I worry myself to sleep. WTF indeed! My current excuse/rationale is my chronic neck and shoulder pain transferring into my psyche, but I know that's only part of the story.......
Thank goodness indeed for gerd-gut spilling, shared loads are much easier to bear :)
If I am making no sense, I blame almost 2 hours of inspirational, mind-blowing TED videos.
These 2 in particular:

Benjamin Zander

and Helen Fisher

my brain is a puddle of thoughts this morning. Think I'm going to have to go and embrace the day.

And Keeley - a brand new person!!! It's amazing and magical and hopeful, isn't it? Congrats.

And lolllls to the carpet caper, box cutters for everyone! :)

[kdot (keeley)]

Deb. I always forget that other people have complex weird families as well that they need to navigate. The Bub and I have come to figure some of it out with regards to my anxiety, but I'm not quite sure what the magic solution is. We discussed how i comfort myself when i'm in panic mode, and the answer is i would think of my family. my parents. they were chosen for me when i was adopted, they told me they would always be there, and from the time i was a child and would have panic attacks i knew if i could get home and just BE in my own home, with them, that I would be ok. I have always maintained that. Even when I didn't live with them. And now I don't have that illusion to cling to. I guess this is what we all might feel at times of uncertainty and sadness, not being able to get back what our memories tell us happened. Damn brain. Anyway, I wanted to share. So thanks for being here to share it with me. I've missed spilling my guts to my gerds!!!

[kdot (keeley)]

thanks for all the love you guys. your support coming back at me is amazing and warms my heart. truly. thanks for the extended invite Deb, it might be just what this girl needs. and boy, can i be stealthy in a not at all coordinated sort of way re: the great carpet caper. i fear i won't be able to actually bring any boxcutters on a flight, so you'll have to cover logistics. a mission to reveal hardwood is a worthy effort indeed that i would be happy to be a part of, or at least hold the camera for.

E - thanks for that. I hope your battles are smaller than the high points, so the smiles continue. How are the boys? from what i gather the anxiety about school has been high. poor guys. getting in and out of the school routine was scary for me as a kid. once the first week was done i remember it being better, but those last weeks before school started i was a wreck. i've never been good with anticipation. so i hope you are well out there and sharing in some of the great weather we're having here this weekend.

oh and i do have one amazing thing to report: I'm an aunt again! My sil and brother had another little boy. She was back home after labouring at home for much of it (read: walking the streets) went into childbirth unit in the hospital with her midwives, had the baby and was home 1.5 hours later. We went over to their place 14 hours after he was born, and she was sitting crosslegged on the floor. ON THE FLOOR. Like nothing had happened. My brother just camp saying "she was a CHAMP!" the entire time. His name is Dyson, he was 7lbs6oz and is sweeter than sweet. I'll have to find the pics and share with you. So yes, we have been blessed again with a healthy little addition to our little clan and it feels nice. And my mother will continue to leave me alone :)

Also - glad to hear we all can't be trusted around carpet. :)
Thanks again...

[Evangeline]

Keeley, can I just say that it is so damn refreshing to have somebody say they are unhappy. We all are, at least some of the time, but people rarely have the cohones to admit it. I admire that.
Wise Deb, as always. I hope you feel better, when you're ready to feel better.

And yay for fellow spillers! We had to get a dark brown shaggy area rug to cover up all the stains we've made on our ecru family room carpet...and although I'd like to blame it on the kids, they're not the ones gettin' jiggy with the red wine...

[Mel]

Keeley, so nice to have you back, and so sorry things are the way they are for now. Hoping happy finds you soon. Listen to Deb, she is a wise one.
Deb, your art room, oh my. And the kids making art, perfect. I'm laughing thinking of you stealthily throwing out strips of carpet in the night!

[Deb S]

Aw, Keel, I'm sorry you're in a funk. I usually just ride mine out, thinking "eventually I will surely tire of this funk." Sometimes it takes longer than others. As for not talking to dad-- I haven't spoken to mine (step-dad, the one I grew up with) since 19seventysomething. And am the better for it. Every once in a while some idiot will say, "but if he dies, won't you feel bad that.....?" The answer is "No." As far as I can tell without being actually faced with that fact (he could be dead already for all I know) is that it will effect me not at all. He had a life, he lived it as he could. I'm glad I didn't have to have him in MY life after I left home. Maybe that's a sad thing. Not feeling it. Real dad (bio) is calling every week or two which is really nice. Not much deep communication. Basically same thing every week. "Job OK? Liking the new place? Health OK? I'm going to call next week. I love you dear." "Love you too, Dad." It's nice. But I'm going to be careful not to give it too much emotional weight because he's 81 years old and has Alzheimer's and I'll be GODDAMNED if after living my whole life without a dad that loved me, I'm going to go through intense mourning when this one dies. That would Really Not Be Fair. So I look to the things that give me pleasure, good books, art, kids, yooooo and am glad I'm not homeless - - yet. :-0 Ah Life!

And PLEASE come and spill shit on this carpet. Actually, I'm seriously thinking about sneakily yanking it up. There's hardwood under there. It's too hot for that type of labour now (see what i did there?) but In November I just might get me an industrial strength box cutter and slice the muthuh up. Take it out in strips in the dark of night. What can they do to me? Just keep my deposit if I have to move. It would be worth it. I do not like this carpet. So come. Spill.

[serenity]

K sorry to hear of the sadness, but tea in deb's apartment thread does seem oddly appropriate, like a gerd visit there or something. I want to ask what's up,but i don't want to pry, so know there are ears here if you want to share. I hope the clouds lift for you soon, *huggles*

[kdot (keeley)]

i just need to state for the record that if i do visit, you will need to cover every square inch of the carpet with plastic. i'm a spiller, in general. and god i love how you hang stuff. please visit and help me finish hanging all our stuff. your speed puts me to shame!

[kdot (keeley)]

the kids coming and hanging out and creating is the best house warming i've heard of! It must truly feel like it's yours now! that art room - omg awesome. seeing that piece of me when i was a kid brought tears to my eyes. that you still had it, mainly, but mostly cause it makes me sad to think about the past at all these days. haven't spoken to my dad in 2009 at all. not once. he sent a card to let me know he was getting married this summer, and a birthday card with "enjoy your day, Dad" at the bottom. the coward can't even pick up the phone to call me. asshole. so yah, i was happy to see that picture, as well as the comment above. welcome to the world of keeley. sometimes she's here, sometimes she's not. i just hate having nothing good to report. i'm fairly unhappy. that's the only way to say it. i like to spend time by myself, and loathe anyone from my past. goodtimes. sorry to dump this, here, on you. i thought just burying it in your comments was safer than plastering it somewhere. that couch offer may need to be taken up on. the great thing about being poor for a while is that when you DO work, man, can you save!
thanks for still being here. awesome.

[serenity]

omg i'm with e! great kids great day and awesome dream catchers