Let me just start off by saying that we, the UK, do not give a Miley Cyrus about the Olympics. According to a recent survey, almost half of the population has declared that they are not looking forward to the Olympic Games.
Why? Let me break it down:
- Since the announcement that we would be hosting the Olympics in 2012, our enthusiasm has been exhausted by the media hype.
- We don't care about sports. That is probably why we never win any kind of World Cup in any sport.
- Billions of the taxpayer's money has been spent on refurbishing London, building stadiums etc etc.
- The majority of British people who applied to get tickets DIDN'T EVEN GET TICKETS.
- The Tickets site f*cked up within hours of being launched.
- We're going to have to spend hours in Heathrow and Gatwick airports because of the queues when we try to escape the Olympic Mania.
- Everything is magically becoming more expensive so that large companies can sap the wallets of tourists.
- The word "2012" is being shoved in our faces, practically forcing us to be excited. I will be excited when you get me those EFFING tickets for the event MY family is paying for!!!
- It's not like we're going to win anything we care about, like football.
- Every single advert for food, drink, etc etc is sponsoring 2012, the official brand of everything we're ever going to see from now on.
- Every athlete that no one gave a crap about is being shoved in our faces as our new idols. I'm sorry, I don't speak Hockey, therefore I don't know you or care that you love Coca Cola. Eff off.
- We have created possibly the worst mascots of all time: Wenlock and Mandeville, creatures supposedly fashioned from droplets of steel used to build the stadium, i.e. terrifying one-eyed cybermen. How lovely.
- We're bitter British cynics who even scrutinise Christmas every year. We don't like anything or anyone, and we definitely don't like fun.
The Real Reason: Our government has used our taxes for The Olympics, not given most of us tickets, tripled our university tuition fees, cut pensions, cut benefits for disabled people and people with cancer and EXPECTS US TO STAY IN THE UK FOR THE OLYMPIC GAMES. "But you can see it on T.V at home," they plead, "so that our planes and runways and tickets can be used for the deserving Olympic tourists for whom we will triple the price of everything because they're that gullible. We're all in it together, remember?"
I'm sorry, have you not met David Cameron and his Con Dem Coalition? No? Never mind, I'll rant a bit about them later on. For now, though, to all of you painfully enthusiastic and optimistic Nice Americans:
We're British. We're cynics.