Wow, December already. I’m both excited and scared.
Right now I should be asleep cause it’s 12:14 in the morning and I have to wake up early to go to work. Instead I’m watching The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, which is definitely one of my alone “go to” films. I’m starting to realize how much I actually prefer watching movies alone. I mean there are some that I just need to share the experience with…like the Muppet movies or anything Pixar or Disney, but over all I’d rather watch them by myself. I’m also starting to let myself accept that I realize (I’ve realized it before, I’ve tried accepting it before, but now I’m just letting it be) that I don’t fit a stereotype or I can’t be specified as mostly “this” genera. I am just a shit ton of everything…and to be honest, it awesomely sucks.
I love all these different interests that I have and how I want to try each of them out. I also realize I have a lifetime to try things out, my problem is sticking with one once I’ve started it. I do…I do stick with it (graduating with a degree in industrial design (so stoked!…can you do parenthesizes within parenthesizes?)) but while I’m doing said designated thing I’m still trying to write my own book, learn more human anatomy, long of a calc 1 course, read playwrights and act scenes out in my head, choreograph dances that will never be preformed, sing, write lyrics, and then there’s a list of other stuff I want to do or learn but don’t have time because I’m doing all this stuff. I love the fact that I have such a variety of ambitions…but for right now I really wish I could be ambitious in the narrower sense – to actually make myself do the full 100% my work deserves instead of the 80% I devote to it while I spend the other 20% pursuing one of the things I just listed. Eating and sleeping goes in there too…I just don’t know where.
I was also never the one to have a set group of friends. And I’m starting to figure, I may never have a group of close friends, I’ll just always have individual friends whom are close. Which makes it hard if I ever wanted to have a small get together of friends…but then again I’m not really the party throwing type. I’ll go to parties, gatherings, shindigs or hootenannies…but I’ve never really been good at hosting. I’ll help host at other people’s places…and now I’m trying to justify myself. Good grief.