Yesterday, I was looking through some boxes and I found a flash drive. On this flash drive, I found pictures that I took on a mission trip that I went on with my church to Minneapolis in 2011.
That trip was very pivotal turning point in my faith journey. I not only saw a great city, met wonderful people, gave meaningful service, but I also learned that there are angels on Earth and God puts them in our lives at just the right moment… and if you’re blessed enough, they never leave your side.
As I was going through the pictures, I began to cry. I was overcome with a feeling of happiness of the memories made, and a sadness that I could not live them again. Part of me wonders if there is a word, in any language, for this feeling. The feeling of nostalgia, as some would say. I personally don’t believe that nostalgia is right word. There has to be a word that is more in depth, more descriptive. I don’t even care if its in English, some language that man has…. they should most definitely have a word for this.
I want to know what that word is. I want it on a plaque, emblazoned on a wall, on a billboard for the world to see. People should know how to describe this feeling. People should know… as my blog title says… what its like to live in the ache of old goodbyes. What its like to wish you could relive a moment, no matter how painful it was then, because of how much it changed you. There most definitely needs to be a word for this. Not a group of words, like how in the English language we feel the need to dissect everything. Just one… one singular word that explains this feeling that can overwhelm, perplex, and send one into epiphany.
Honestly, I have no idea why its so important to me to have this… but it is. I want to be able to say with just one word what the emotion is that I am having. Just one word, and people will nod and say, “I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’ve felt that too.” I need this more than anything it seems these days. I have this unquenchable thirst to identify each of my emotions, even if it means I am speaking in a language that is foreign to me. I need to have this. This is literally the one thing I wish to have more than any possession I own. The knowledge of one word, a word… that describes that sad and happy, nostalgic feeling.