An Abundance of Thoughts about an Abundance of Katherines: Chapters Twelve and Thirteen

[Frank Leigh Grace]

            Uh ohs.  Just Colin and Lindsey.  This ain’t gonna be pretty.  This ain’t gonna be pretty.

            Ohhh, THAT’S why they say fug.  I kind of assumed it was that JOHN’S publishers didn’t like all the f-bombs.  Huh.  What do you know.  And yes, Colin, good job staying on track with the story.

            What’s the Lass joke?  I guess we’ll find out.  Apparently it isn’t funny.  Stop making fun of your girlfriend, TOC.  Did she fall into a well or something?  No, that wouldn’t make her Lassie.  Did someone else fall into a well and she went and told people?

            Ick.  There’s SO much going on here.  It is NOT going to end prettily.

            Yeah, there’s a little fame-monger in all of us.  That’s why I’m sticking this in a blog instead of leaving it sitting readerless on my computer.

            More variables.  Okay, yeah, I see why you said we shouldn’t read the appendix ‘til the end, John.  Still, I don’t feel like it really ruined anything.

            WHY ARE YOU WORRYING ABOUT BEING SMOOTH, SINGLETON?

            So we’ve got Age, Popularity differential, attractiveness differential, dumper/dumpee, introvert/extrovert.  That’s still saying nothing about some other stuff, though.  I have a friend who can’t take smokers but his girlfriend smoked.  That messed with their relationship, because he really cared about her but couldn’t stand that about her.  I would not date a smoker; I don’t know what I’d do if I were dating a guy and really liked him and he started smoking.  And religion tends to play a big role in relationships, too.  And certain values—most guys wouldn’t stick very long to me, because I want to remain a virgin until I marry.

            Language time.  Beautiful time.  But still, it seems so ad hoc, so random.  Where’s his method?

            Uh oh. “It’s that there’s some people in this world who you can just love and love and love no matter what.”  Oh no.  This is bad.  I’m so afraid for these characters.

            Ooh, Lindsey’s freaked out by the idea of selling land.  This is bad.  This is very bad.

            Frick, “like I need a goddamned hole in my head.”  Please tell me that’s not foreshadowing.  Please, please, please.

            Oh God, you two.  Stop flirting.  Please stop flirting.  Oh this is so bad.  This is so bad.

 

(thirteen)

 

            Oh my.  Hassan and Katrina.  What do you know.

            Holy crap.  Hassan getting physical is effing scary.  I mean, Colin WAS pushing it.  But HOLY CRAP HASSAN.

            But YES.  A Hassan rant is just what we need.  A Hassan rant is everything we need.  Use your words, Hassan, that’s a good boy.  “It just—it’s not just dumb, it’s ineffective.  Because then you’re not being a good friend or a good boyfriend or whatever, because you’re only thinking they-might-not-like-me-they-might-not-like-me, and guess what?  When you act like that, no one likes you.  There’s your goddamned theorem.”

            “How do you just stop being terrified of getting left behind and ending up by yourself forever?”  A very good question.  When I’m not in a bad mood, I trust the plan I believe God has for me.  But when I’m terrified of getting left behind and ending up by myself, I can’t get out of that mindset.  I hope John has some sort of answer for this question.

            Awww guy fights are awesome.  Look.  They sorted it all out.  Right then and there.

            “Even if they could result in the death of a wild hog.”  Or worse.  Please let it not be worse.

            Yeah, Hollis is in trouble.  This is going to be bad.

            Uh oh.  Lindsey looking pretty without even smiling?  This is bad.  This is so bad.  I see her dead.  I see Colin graphing her and him.  And turning out with a graph that only crosses the x-axis once.  John wouldn’t do that, would he?  He’s not Jodi Picoult.  Or me.  I do that with my stories, too.

            Hobbit is a great name for a horse.  Particularly if the horse in question does not wear shoes.  And of course he died.  Somebody is going to die.

            Oh, I didn’t know Lindsey’s dad was still alive.

            “And how that happens.  How you can just fall into it.”  I guess that’s why they call it falling in love.  Just kind of whoops!  That’s cheerful.  That’s helpful.  Thinking of it as the kind of thing you do on accident is good, for me.  I’m good at tripping over stuff and running into stuff.  I can do accidents.  It’s just that, I hope someone will be there to catch me.

           

The End (of the Middle)

 

            Awww so sweet with K-19.  Why’d I think her eyes were brown?  Maybe I was thinking of Lindsey.