An Abundance of Thoughts about an Abundance of Katherines: Chapter Eleven

[Frank Leigh Grace]

That would be so cool to be able to read four hundred pages a day.  But I don’t think I’d keep much from it.  It’s taken me four days to get 110 pages of this book.  If I’d simply read it, I’d have gotten it finished day 1, and moved on to either the C.S. Lewis book I’ve got or Paper Towns.  But then I’d have missed out on all the thinking I’ve been doing, and that would have been a shame.  Also I need to become a Star Trek fan.  It’s on my bucket list.  Along with Doctor Who.  And a bunch of other stuff.  Sigh.  So much work to do in my nerducation.

Edison was a jerk, according to Cracked articles.  He was still awesome, though.

“Books are the ultimate Dumpees:  put them down and they wait for you forever; pay attention to them and they always love you back.”  Oh my God.  John.  I love you.  It’s so true.  It’s so true.  But don’t forget:

Ah! A

Book!

Cunningly lounging upon the

Desk,

Eagerly awaiting the ever-so

Fortunate moment that I shall

Grab it,

Heedless of the

Injurious way it shall surely

Jail me within it and

Keep me from my work!

Lovely enchantment! It

Melts away worries

Never allowing the

Opportunity to

Pry avid eyes from the ultimate

Quagmire.  No matter how hard I

Resist, it draws me in

Still further,

Taking me

Under,

Vivaciously

Warring with my conscience.  No

Xerophyte am I; I

Yearn always to

Zealously pursue a captivating narrative.

Ohhhh TOC was the QUARTERBACK.  Huh, oddly, I think the quarterback for my high school team was also named Colin.  At least, I think Colin was quarterback.  Could be wrong.  I didn’t really care.

Stop talking about her ass like that, TOC.  I was wondering what he liked about her, since Colin says her face ain’t pretty.

I’m starting to notice butts more.  I didn’t use to, but some of my friends started pointing out guys’ butts, and it’s kind of rubbing off on me.  …If there’s a pun in that, it is definitely not intended.  I mean, I’ve noticed girls’ butts for a while, because I always compare myself to other girls, or at least the attractive ones.  Which is a bad idea, because it just makes me feel uglier.  Why do I do that?  But noticing guys’ butts is pretty recent for me, so much that I couldn’t tell you a thing about the butts of any guy I liked before Rudy II.

Colin.  Reading about building a fire without a match.  Does not.  Mean. You can build a fire without a match. And Hassan, I’m really scared about the idea of you with a gun.  But not as scared as I am with TOC with a gun out in the woods with some wild pigs and a couple of city boys he hates.

Colin, you’re starting to like Lindsey, aren’t you.  This is bad.  This is very bad.

Hassan, you can date without using Thunderstick.  In fact, the girl will probably love you for not wanting to use Thunderstick.  I know I’M looking for a guy like that.

 

The Middle (of the Middle)

 

ABOVE 200?!  Holy crap.  One more reason I’ve never liked being called a genius—my IQ’s nowhere NEAR that high.  Luckily I’m in college now, so I’m no longer one of the smartest kids in my school.  I don’t have to deal with people labeling me that, now, because at college, my brand of smart is pretty normal.

Winning.  It’s always winning, isn’t it.  You’ll win; they’ll see.  My win-win situation that turned out to have a lose scenario.  Eck.  Why does it always have to be winning and losing?

Okay, so the girl was Karen.  Not Katherine.  Not terribly far from Katherine, though.  But she was only twelve, so of course Colin felt bad.  Oooh and he would have dated a Marie. But he turned it down.  For Katherine I.  For Katherine XIX.  For Katherine.  I knew Katherine I was Katherine XIX from the moment Katherine I was there on the steps outside of Colin’s house, but I had no inkling before then.  Oh God.  No wonder he’s so crushed.  Katherine I.  The full circle.

So maybe it IS time to break the Katherine streak.  But Lindsey’s boyfriend’s way too dangerous.